the story of the starship 'uss eternaty'

[Vortex]

I have now located the pokemon command centre. Thankfully it was only gaurded my a pathetic magikarp which could only thash about in the water as I went about the process of disabling the portal generator.

I now have five minutes to return to the portal or I will be stuck in the pokemon world forever. I was assualted by a raichu on the journey back. I dodged it's attacks but it's electrical powers completely fried the circuits in my logbook thingy. I can't be bothered getting it replaced right now so I just tossed it away.

Here's a REALLY interesting twist for the story:
no more logs!

 

[Cap'n Beeb]

Starlog: Lost Count

As I sit here hoping the Multibeam Target Phalanx gets here in time so we can intercept the pokemons, I thought of an idea to stop the evil monster/mutant thing from eating the walls.

Coat them with beer.

Since the mutant was based off a pokemon, and you know how pokemon are allergic to beer, if they can't eat the beer coated walls, they'll die.

I won't be available for a little while today as I am going to look for henke. Anyone who wishes to come along is more than welcome. Just remember to bring extra beer and pizza.

Weapon Update: I have modified one of the toasters in the cafeteria to spew harmful anti-pokemon radiation. This should be interesting. So far it has been. I pointed the device at a pikachu and hit the "toast" button. What I was rewarded with was a bubbly mass of pokegoo. Before I leave I will hand these out to everyone. Just point and "toast".

 

[The Dopefish]

APHC log 3.14159...

On my daily travel through the ship, I decided to throw the UT weapons into the weapons hangar. I'll try to remind the crew that the goo gun makes Pokemon horny.

Thinking the mess hall wasn't all that I thought it sounded like, I decided to make a mess. The cook made me clean it up.

I also decided to catch all the friendly Pokemon (as it turns out, all the evil Pokemon went back to wherever they came from) and store them in the ship's computer. The computer had the chance to analyse them and made a record of them. 251 different Pokemon to be exact. I asked anyone that found any more of the friendly Pokemon to do the same.

Minutes later, someone caught me on accident. Make that 252 Pokemon, I guess.

 

[Temporary Account]

Ensigns Log: Stardate 42

Having recently made my plea to my captors, I have finally been released from the brig, where I resided with my ex-crew members. After informing captain Cascade that I served as Ensign under Cpt. Dickard, he told me that a similar position was also available on his ship, the Eternaty. I gladly accepted, as the brigs were getting quite smelly. It seems the latrine plumbing system has become clogged with Pokemon.

Due to the massive problems currently going on, my duties as Ensign have been temporarily postponed, and I've been assigned to clean up duty. While our Chief Security officer has devised an ingenious method of spam removal, it carries with it an unfortunate side effect. The corridors that were once covered with spam, are now covered with...PIZZA! Normally this would not be a problem..but unfortunately, it's replicated pizza, and it tastes like moldy cardboard.

I've sent a requisition memo to the Chief Science Officer requesting a Sub-Atomic Particle Destabilisation Vacuum, and a mop. As soon as this equipment becomes available, I'll begin my cleanup of deck 8.

I've also requested that Cpt. Cascade assign the remaining prisoners (except for Cpt. Dickard..I don't trust him) to be put on a work detail, under armed guard, in order to help me with the cleanup.

In the mean time, I'm helping our CSO test out what beer works best in fending off the PokeMutants that are infesting the rear quarter of the ship. It seems that they are highly alergic to very cheap beer, which is fortunate for me and Beerbaron..as we have no where to store the unusable beer, and must drink it ourselves.

Ensigns Log: Supplemental
I've also requested that Cpt. Cascade keep me in mind for future promotions. Perhaps as a Communications officer, as I've spent my spare time studying such technologies and languages as I've been able to. But I know he's a busy man with many heavy questions weighing on him. Perhaps when the current crisis' are over, he'll have time to give me a review.

Ensign TA, signing off

 

[Thar T'Pak [=AA=]]

Stardate 6969696969.69

Stardate 6969696969.69 Hunter-Seeker of the Third Triad Thar T'pak reporting.

I have managed to sneak into the ship via an airlock that someone blew a bunch of yellow rodent-like creatures out of. What kind of hunter would destroy such seemingly harmless being in such a way? Obviously someone without a clue on what a real hunter should do.

Upon replacing my space flight apparatus with my more traditional life support helmet, I switched on my personal cloaking device and walked into the ship.

Within 2 meters, I had to stop and scrape the spam and pizza from my feet with my wristblades.

Ahh throwing off his scent by liberally coating the walkways with other, less digestable food. This prey was quite crafty. It will make a good trophy on my ship.

I will continue to comb the corridors, observing the other prey in hopes of a worthy trophy. When I have collected my fill, I shall contact the armada to come a turn this ship into scrap.

Personal log:
Actually the pizza/spam combo is quite good. I find it has a certain untainted taste to it. I shall collect some for the return to the mothercraft.

 

[OshadowO]

OshadowO's Log Star Date Unknown:
My escape shuttle is almost out of fuel. I think I've lost the evil Darth Hitler's ships that were pursuing me. So what if I sliced up two or three of Darth Hitler's Pokemon? I was trying to see what makes the little buggers tick. I'm pikcing up signals that may be another ship. Hopefully it's not Darth Hitler's. If they're friendly I'll tell them I'm a Medicine Man. My 2 years of extensive training as a shaman and dissecting Pokemon should allow me to get by on BSing till I figure a way to get back to my ho's in the m0tits system. I hope to God it's friendlies. Preparing to transmit distress signal now.

OshadowO's Log Supplemental:
As long as this ship doesn't have a problem with spam and pizza combos I should be able to make it.

 

[The Dopefish]

APHC log...screw this.

Since I came online, I have heard tales of a "thread" of some sort, and how it was so big that it destroyed itself. I decided to search for this thread in the ship's old, defunct database. It wasn't long before I found the thread, and showed it to everyone for the second time.

 

[Cap'n Beeb]

Starlog: 329

WOOHOO!!! FREE BEER!!! Weapon testing should be much more fun now

About the pizza problem, I have an idea. First, gather some pokemon carcasses, staple them to the wall, then spray with beer. This works by having the pokemon DNA mix into the nasty pizza DNA (Does pizza have DNA) and neutralizes both into nothingness.

Also, I have spotted several occurences of a wavy distortion in the air. Either it is someone playing around with my cloaking device, or its something else. I have also noticed the wavy air likes the replicated pizza that is all over deck 8. It shows no hostile intentions, but I am advising everyone to stay alert, it could be some form of pokemon we haven't seen yet. If you need a cloaking device (I have made many more) just ask.

I still haven't found henke yet. I will continue my search ASAP. When we do get him back, someone ought to put a bell or something on him

 

[Temporary Account]

Ensigns Log: Stardate 6942.77

Ensigns Log: Stardate 6942.77

I spoke with CSO Beerbaron, and he propsed a novel idea as to the clean up. Apperantly, mixing all three substances: dead pokemon, beer, and replicated pizza, will induce a reaction that turns all three into vapor. I'm requesting the enlistment of our engineering department to create for me a gunlike device that will accept a cartrige of beer cans and a top-loaded feeder of PokeCorpses. Central will be a mixing chamber that will turn it into a cleaning foam that can be sprayed on the walls. Once this machine is complete, clean-up should be a snap.


Personal Log
CSO Beerbaron mentioned a strange anomoly occuring in the vicinity of Deck 8. I too have noticed this, and I must say it gave me chills. I'm hoping that the captain approves my request for the prisoner work detail, as I fear spending any time down there alone.

Also, note to self: Try to drink less beer before you go on PokeCorpse gathering expiditions...

 

[OshadowO]

OshadowO's Log Star Date Unknown
OK this is getting annoying no contact has been made with this vessel yet. I think I may have to try and sneak in and risk it. If it is the dastardly Darth Hitler's men then I'm SOL. However this vessel looks very peculiar. It looks like a a big pancake with strips of bacon. I shall infiltrate the pancake/bacon ship and hope for the best unless contact is established.

 

[Temporary Account]

Ensign's Log: Stardate 98765.4321

While familiarizing myself with the controls on the bridge, I recieved a faint signal on our short range sensors. Upon further investigation, it was revealed to be a small craft, heavily damaged as if from recent battle. I attempted to find the captain to notify him of this, but he was nowhere to be found. First Officer Vortex is on a mission to the "Pokemon Realm", and I'm unable to reach him.

Most of the other Senior Officers are also busy, either with ship repairs, PokeMutant eradication or engineering duties, so I have taken it upon myself to hail the ship. I recieved no response from the vessel, but scans indicate that most of it's vital systems have been damaged. I'm unsure as to how to proceed, as it may be crewed by hostiles which our harried crew is ill equipped to deal with at the moment.

I'm going to consult with Chief Security Officer Beerbaron, and see if he can form a security team. If so, we may open the rear shuttlebay doors and hope that the craft notices and understands our intentions. If it docs, a security detail will be on hand in case anything goes awry. And if they're friendly, well...I'll have Beerbaron bring some extra beer!

I hope I hear back from my superiors on this matter soon, as the crafts life support and power systems appear to be in a rapid state of decay.

 

[gramps]

prisoner's log, stardate 123456.14:

it's been roughly two weeks since my capture. i've had the leisure to do some serious thinking, sitting here in one of the Eternaty's oh so comfortable prisons. bah, a prison should be cold and dark and wet, not like this. the only thing that sets this prison apart from an ordinary room is that is has no replicator. this proves how weak and soft these people really are.

enough. there are more important matters now.

i've never been able to fully understand how i could have been captured so easily, and by a bunch of amateurs at that! it was almost as if they had some kind of inside information. they fired Cannonball Henke at just the right spot, where my ship is most sensitive.

day after day, prisoners come and go. but my crew seems to have just gone. every day another one is released and does not return. instead, my former crew is set to active duty on this cursed ship! how could they betray their captain like that?!

it makes me wonder though. i wouldn't be surprised if my "loyal and faithful" crew had something to do with my being captured in the first place. yes...now that i think about it, that Ensign....what was his name?...Ensign TA, that was it! i'll remember to pay him a visit when i break out of here. and i'll make sure he'll remember that!

the time is nearly come. i may look defeated, but i still have a final trump. there is one who is still loyal to me at least! i could be contacted any minute now. haha, the fools! when he's locked on to me, no force field is going to be able to stop me from getting out of here! hahahaaaaaaaa!!! {another burst of insane laughter}.

"prisoner" Dickard out.

 

[henke]

cyborg cannonballs log, stardate: 5367

Code red!
i managed to get my hands on a terminal so that i can warn everyone that the picachu mutants have eaten a hole in the ship and the pressure is dropping rapidly. I have sealed an airlock so that the air wont run out...
but it is just for the time being, the mutants will proabably eat through the door too...we need firepower now...

 

[CaSCaDe]

Captainslog stardate ?$$#@!!?^^:

as i have thought the lorg vessels crew is a very good addition to our own, i also have seen that more and more people are wiling to join our crusade.
there have been a couple of problems the last 6 years but me and my crew have beaten tru it!

most of our pokemon trouble are over, but as i have rejected orders by starfleet i fear that they will sand a raid party to intercept us, we can only hope!

our aphc has proven very usefull as i have thought he would, whille all other crew thought of him as a anoining spamming f00, i always believed in him!
cataloging the critters! geniusly!
he informs me that he has spared 1 of them named jiggly[PuF]

we r setting course for tauron now t recieve some new missions.

as for the situation with the mutated pokemon, my chief securaty has taken good care of that problem.(the beer sucked neways, get some better to selabrate our victory on the pokemon)
the spam on the lower decks is being cleared by some strange wave in the air, we dont know what it is but it does a nice job, we should try to communicate with this wave.
also my cs has added a great amount of weapons to our arsenal, a little strange weapons but weapon non the less!

as i was saying the lorg crew is doing a fine job!
take our new ensine for example, hes has been very understanding about the situation and has understood the need to make decisions when all of the other crew is occupied.
the vessel he has detected has landed when we opened our hanger bays and the story of this man that came out is amazing!
(wtf, flying in a pancake/bacon ship a an prestation on its own!)
we now will need to watch our step for this darth hitler.
in adition to this story i have been informed that thos "shadow" as he calls himself has a skill in medicine!
finaly! with the spam and pokemon injured poeple on his ship we need a GOOD DOCTOR, our emh sux ***(littaraly, and nobody likes getting his *** sucked right?)

the situation with the sjkaaar war is still develooping, i am afraid that itis not the last we hear about this.

GOOD JOB ALL!

CaSCaDe out.

suplemental:

i have receaved underground information that captain dickard (gramps has made escape plans i have doubled the shifts to guard him, and have put in the isolation chambers,
no bed, no toilet, no tv, no light, NO NOTHING!
and i have cut his rations to just bread and water!
THAT WILL TEACH HIM!


CaSCaDe out.

 

[gramps]

== ultimate personal encryption code enabled. ==

<encrypt>
prisoner's log, stardate 123456.19:

yes! i knew my personal logs were being scanned. due to my latest log input, Captain CaSCaDe has transferred me to the isolation chamber with only water and bread to live on. hah, he couldn't have done me a greater pleasure! here, in the darkness, i can concentrate.

meanwhile i've been contacted by my secret ally and he's ready to get me out of here. nothing can stop me now. yes, i know they'll find this log entry sooner or later, but it'll take them a while to decode it. and i'll be long gone by then.

fools! i told you i'd escape! i'm gone, but not for good. i'll be back when you least expect it! you can count on that...vendetta!!!

Dickard out.
</encrypt>

 

[Vortex]

commader's log 56770384.2

Phew! I finally made it back to the ship and it appears that many things have changed in my absence. There is a foul smelling substance lining the walls along with various pokemon corpses. Also, as I walked down the corridors, I was briefly assualted by an unknown persona. Judging by his appearence, I would say he is from a hunter race.

I now must conosult one of my fellow crewmembers to find out what has been happening in my absence.

 

[8-4-7-2]

Tactical Officer's log Stardate 5896522.6

I'm glad to announce that the pokemon thread is over once and for all. Using beer and pizza me and a few other crewmembers were able to clear all pokemon and spam coated decks. I have sealed the surviving pokemons in cargobay 4 and protected the door with a level 15 forcefield. I just wanted to kill them, when I dicovered another pokemon weapon. It seems that they develop hypnotic mind-controlling when threatend. I couldn't overcome to harm them.
However when I was trying to repair the replicator (I want pizza!) I discoveres a way to deal with this. A person who eats 2 days old replicated Gorgonzola chees is immune against the hypnosis! We only need to find a volunteer.
I can also report that Starfleet has stopped the pokemon invasion force at Wolf 359.
Commander Vortex returned from the pokemon dimension, where he sealed the breach. So we have one problem less!

We also received new crewmembers, like Ensign TA or Doctor Shadow, who already did great work here.
Now we only need a cook as I don't know how long I can eat replicated food.

Supplemental
I searched on all decks for our Science Officer Skumboy, but couldn't find him. I aked the other officers but noone has seen him. I wonder where he is, as the computer isn't able to find him either.

Supplemental
I explored multiple sightings of unknown being on decks 8 and 9. First analysis show that it is most probably a cloaked hirogen Hunter. The encounters with this species indicate that a peaceful solution isn't very probable. Finding him has top priority (AFTER repairing the replicators). I ordered that enginering re-configuers the internal sensors.

 

[henke]

cyborg cannonball's log. stardate: 34.5

im starting to get worried over here....im stuck in a corner with 2 huge mutants. That doesnt seem so friendly and they have noticed that some parts of me is metal (like my arm-photon-cannon that is disabled by the EMP experiment), and the mutants seem to get bigger by eating metal. they have tripled their size since they mutated....

Im looking around and i see that im located on deck 7 (even though the lights dont work)

so could someone pleas send some troops up here before it is too late?

over n' out

 

[Cap'n Beeb]

Starlog: Low pressure sucks...

AHH!! A breach in the hull! DAMMIT!! Good thing it was secured though. Anyway, I have noticed Mr. Wavy Air many more times than before. It still hasn't "attacked" me in anywy I can tell, but I am still cautious, and I advise everyone else to be too.

Also about the hull, I have made a foam like substance that works as a sealant and adhesive. Using old beer cans, a cardboard box, and left over pizza crust, the mix bubbles into this foam which makes an airtight seal around anything. It is also unbreakable to every weapon I have tried. Maybe we could use this to capture the 2 monster things that have captured henke.

About henke. Due to his last report, I am on my way to deck 7 and see if I can locate, and bring him out of there.

Also, I have made more weapons in case we need to have a little "chat" with the wavy air guy. The weapons are as follows. (Note: Some are from my personal collection of ancient 20th centry handguns and rifles, but they still work, sometimes better than what we have now.)

1. Glock 21 .45
2. M16A2*/M203 40mm Grenade Launcher
3. Desert Eagle .50 AE (MASSIVE RECOIL!)
4. Robar .50 BMG Sniper Rifle (I warn everyone NOT TO USE THIS WITHIN 100 YARDS OF THE HULL! Save it for when and if we land)
5. HK MP5/A3 10mm
6. HK MP5/A3*
7. HK MP5/A3*
8. HK MP5/A3*

*= These have attached Beta C mags which hold 100 rounds.

Also, I have sent some beer to the guy who recently arrived in our rear bay thing (I forget what it is) Enjoy

 

[Thar T'Pak [=AA=]]

Stardate 6969696969696.70

Hunter-Seeker of the Third Triad Thar T'pak reporting.

I have managed to wander the corridors largely unoticed. The small yellow rodent population aboard the ship has seem to subside, although the intoxicating aroma or shplam and peezza still coats many walls and ceilings. I am finding it hard to concentrate on the job at hand.

I followed two heavily armed prey down to a small room. They seem to be escorting another prey into a small room. After they appears to lock the smaller prey, I easily dispatched them both. After ripping out their skulls and spinal columns, I peered in on the strange prey that they seem so scared of. Chuckle. Appears to be an old prey, hardly worth a fight. After re-initializing my cloak field, I casually unlocked the small prey's cell and bolted down the corridor to a lift tube.

I headed up to their bridge, scraping come peezza and schplam from the wall. I had a light snack while looking over the various controls on the ship.

OOPPS. Damn I spilled some food on a control marked "Navigation". Nothing a little cleaning with my wristblades won't cure.

Damn. Their equipment is so fragile. I just put my blades through those controls. Well, they'll know I am here soon, so I ran back to the lift tube and headed down to some area called "Engineering"