The Starship Eternaty : The Next Mission

[8-4-7-2]

Captain's log Stardate 666.8472

A Lorg ship followed the Eternaty through the temporal vortex back to the 20th century. Luckily they were destroyed before they could inflict any damage to the time line. At least we didn't notice any. But then we should only notice it when we get back to our time. Mhh...temporal mechanics is confusing. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if I hadn't slept during the lesson at Starfleet Acedemy. Hey, I'm Captain no engineer. I have my crew for that stuff! So I ordered Kilham to work out a plan for creating a temporal wake which brings us back. I also told him to polarize our hull with an inverse magneton pulse, as there are already primitive spy satellites in earth's orbit. This should keep us invisible.

With this done I went back to my quarters to take a shower, but the dismal didn't end. First I bang my head against the door because it didn't open automatically; then the water is ice cold. Also the temperature was quite high. 39.1° Celsius....excactly the temperature on a Lorg cube....ah...that can only be coincidence...but why is Beerbaron giving out crowbars to the crew? Weird. So I tried to install Unreal Tournament on our ship's computer, thinking I would at least get a million fps. But I got something called "General Protection Fault" and then a "Blue Screen of Death". Never heard of those. Then I saw that there was a programm called Windows in the data bank. How did that get there?! I want Linux back! What is going on here?

 

[Syri]

First Officer's log, stardate : whatever

The away team is back on board, and 8-4-7-2 is back in charge. We had a slight problem with a pesky lorg ship, but we destroyed it. personally, i found the cal i recieved on the comm system more threatening, it was from someone calling himself a double glazing salesman, and he must have been the 20th century's most feared weapon! he was sooo dull! and i would like to know how he hacked into our comm system too. i think it's to do with this windows thing that's invaded our computers, there were some reports of security issues...

Oh, and kilham says it's getting a bit warm, so i sent one of those red coated ensigns that always gets killed to investigate

 

[DeeperShade]

Tactical Officers Log - StarDate: 21/10/1337

Well, it seems were finally back aboard the Eternaty.. I still dont know what happened but from what the nurse has been telling me, it appears that the crew went through something called 'a bad storyline'.

I've been assigned light duties and have to see a pherapist everyday to try and come to terms with what happened... strange thing is, I dont know what happened so I just mumble and she nods knowingly.

I still wonder at what exactly a tactical officer does. So far im just a useful plot element but surely I do more than sit around and look pretty

Anyway, Ive got to go mumble at the pherapist....

 

[DeaJae]

Captains log 875546.17 Hydran destroyer Nautilus

well, that battle went badly. we were attacked by little yellow things and stuff, anyway we got beaten and ive ordered the Nautilus to hide in uncharted space. the Dratyon nebula, i know ships have been lost there and we can't afford to lose the flagship but ive got to protect my crew and the kingdom. we need more fighters as well, we are running out of materials to build them and we have no pilots. we are stuffed untill we shake off these yellow things and get near a starbase.

also the logging machine has been acting strangley and cutting me................................/end

supplemental: we traced the problem to the central computer core. engineering is tryin to get the shields back up and hull repaired after our spindrive failed in the middle of a asteroid field. we are hiding in a binary star system, its producing enuff radiation to hide a mile long ship. we detected a ion trail leveing the system. could this be another spacefaring race? and if so i do hope they aren't cute lil' cats.

supplemental 2: we detected a ship in distress, a battel it appears. we have hailed them and said we are assisting. as soon as we get clear of arion iv we'll be at maxinum speed. we have left nuclear space mines behind to stop anything pursuin us.

 

[DeeperShade]

Onboard Communication Log - StarDate: Partying like its 1099

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Captain, Im picking up some really wierd signals... Its like someone from a ship called the Hydran destroyer Nautilus. He seems to be their captain"

Captain8472: "Are they within communication range?"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Yes sir. They're so close that Admiral Cascade has put on a space suit and is outside, urinating on their hull.... I've really got to say this sir. The Admiral is a little wierd dont you think? I mean he's actually trying to shortcircuit their ship by weeing in the fusion reactor ducts.."

Captain8472: "Never mind about that. So they are within communication range?"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Yes sir"

Captain8472: "Well, if they're within communcation range then they are also within weapons range. Lock on and fire"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "BUT SIR!...."

Captain8472: "But nothing. Lock on and fire! Oh.. and try and hit the Admiral while your at it.. I need a promotion..."

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Yes Sir! ... Locked on... FIRING!!...... DIRECT HIT SIR!"

Captain8472: "How bad are they hit?"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "The computer says that we took out the MedLabs, the Recreation bay, two Storage holds and we also managed to knock the fluffy dice off its hook.."

Captain8472: "What exactly does that mean Deep?"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Well, It means that they have major hull breaches on most decks, will find it hard to attend to the wounded but it does mean that they'll have a slightly more tasteful cockpit."

Captain8472: "Right, come around and fire again..."

*The enemy ship explodes*

Captain8472: "On second thoughts, just take a few more potshots at the Admiral"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "With pleasure sir!"

 

[WiLD2]

Starlog: 212134789589.969

The ship is alive with the sound of music. That and tactical officer DeeperShade has resumed doing whatever it is tactical officers do. We missed him, nobody had seen him around for a while.

With the destruction of the Hydran Nautilus the crew has reason to celebrate. So do I, they are partying in my bar like it was 1099. Party on, d00ds. Turn me a tidy profit.

 

[pine]

Pinecone's Diary: Date--> May 21, 2001 AD

Dear Diary,

I looked into the sky tonight through this new gravometric whatchamahoochie telescope I bought in old man Jimmy's shop, and suddenly, I could see a huge glowing starship; like something from "Ster Trak". I tuned my Quartz-enhanced radio on (which old dude Jimmy also sold me) on and pointed the antenna towards the ship; suddenly I was receiving the recorded messages of some kind of people, possibly the starship's crew!

Piecing together these messages, I was able to derive that some seriously weird s**t had been going on involving alcohol, time warping, ghosts, and oddly enough, real incarnations of the popoular children's phenomenon, Pokemon. There was also some stuff about rescuing their captain and Tactical officer from our primitive culture (primitive? What the hell, I just got DSL and it rox0rz!!).

Naturally, this intrigued me greatly. All my friends taunted me when I told them the TV show Ster Trak was real, and they never believed me. Society here doesn't understand me. I wish the ship would land around here somewhere and take me onboard, even if I have to be the potato peeler or whatever the lowest job is on a starship. I'm sure it'd be some good times. I'm gonna try to contact 'em with this fusion-powered gamma wave transmitter Old Guy Jimmy sold me, maybe they'll respond.

 

[DeaJae]

captains log. 98533

finally catching up with alien ship, we decided to send the remote frigate in. well a very odd species of humans. they delivered "waste" onto our remote ship and destroyed it. ive sent them the bill. and we are heading back to the drayton nebula. i don't think they are pursuing us. gawd this is a bloody big ship, a mile long. with 12,456 torpedoes with 16 launchers, 200,000 meson lasers, antimatter guns. id doubt they'd stand a chance anyway..... y the hell don't i hunt them down for destroyin my frigate....... im giving htem one last chance if we see them again. we are a peaceful race and we don't like our ships being used as public toilets.
supplmental: we have determined that the aliens chasin us across the galaxy are "pokemon" we still dunno wtf they are or how to destroy them. but we are remaining ahead of them. we need to land somewhere and get energy reserves back up before we start up the SpinDrive system again.

 

[DeeperShade]

Onboard Communication Log - StarDate: c.123ad

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Sir, We've examined the wreckage and it seems that it was just a decoy. No remains of the crew were found"

Captain8472: "Yes, I know"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Erm.. you know? but how sir?"

Captain8472: "Ive been reading your monitor over your shoulder... oh and stop looking at pr0n..."

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "That was not pr0n sir! They were... erm.. well.. ah.. oh... i see.."

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Sir! Im picking up a large ship on our radars.... they... omg.. its huge sir!"

Captain8472: "Yes.. yes it is.. Hmm... Its time to bring out the big guns..."

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Sir... you cant mean.."

Captain8472: "Yes, I do."

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "BUT SIR! THATS JUST SADISTIC!"

Captain8472: "Yes, Yes it is. MWAH HA HA HA *cough* sorry, got a bit carried away there... Load them into the torpedo bays"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Yes sir.. but I want it noted that I think this idea is sadistic, cruel, and above all, totally totally brilliant.."

Captain8472: "So noted. Fire when ready"

TacOfficerDeeperShade: "Torpedo bay's loaded. FIRING!.... ... DIRECT HIT SIR! THEY ARE GONE!"

*big cheer from the crew*

Captain8472: "See, I told you that using the Spice Girls as torpedo's would work.. Good job people."

 

[8-4-7-2]

Captain's log Stardate who really cares about that?

An alien ship entered the solar system. Assuming they wanted to destroy the federation by eliminating mankind in the past, I gave order to attack. Screw the prime directive. Noone will ever know about this.
Our new scan-jammer worked, and returned false information about us. Any enemy thinks, we are a weapon overloaded mile long ship, while we are just a tiny Intrepid class starship with a 150 men crew (note "men": We still don't have suitable female personal! I'm turning gay if the continues).
Admiral Cascade had a fruity and went for a spacewalk to piss at the enemy vessel. I tried to scare him a bit, by firing over his head. Deepershade might have confused this a bit, and fired directly at him. I think he didn't get a full hit at the admiral, so I hope he isn't too angry at me.
Anyways Deepershade told me with his usual technobabble that the ship was destroyed. But then he did a quick scan (during which I found out that he surfs pr0n sites while working. We need to install a filter software), saying it was only an unmanned drone ship. Then a really huge vessel approached on an intercept course. Deepershade had some scruple about using our new secret weapon: spice girl torpedos. But that's not surpising with this fresh-of-the-acedemy-never-been-in-a-war-no-fighting-experience newbie Tactical Officer. One shot blew them to shreds. Ha! That will teach them!

Supplemental
As I didn't get UT to work, I linked my pad into earth's television system. But 1 million channels and only garbage. No wonder television didn't survive world war 3. But suddenly something weird caught my attenention. A news report about an hobby astronome spotting an alien spacecraft in earth's orbit. The image was really primitive, but it was no doubt OUR ship! I imedialtly ordered a orbit. If necessary we can hide behind the moon.
The same news showed a man called Bill Gates introducing a operating system named Windows ME. In the presentation he had a general protection fault. Too funny. But that's the same program I found on the ship's computer, with the same error.
Things are getting more and more weird....

 

[pine]

Pinecone's diary; Date: May 22, 2001

Dear diary,

Ok, i'm going to f**king KILL my little sister! That b!tch ready my diary and went and told the local newspaper, who then sold the story to a top news company. Now everyone knows I spotted an alien ship; luckily no one believes me. Still, I think this may have destroyed my chances of joining the ship's crew (or at least getting to write a side part in this thread).

The ship disappeared at any rate, which I assume means it went back to whatever time it originated. I say "time" because I read the word "Eternaty" writty on its hull which was obviously in English although they did spell "Eternity" incorrectly. Strange that such an advanced culture could make a mistake like that.

Looks like it's back to watching ster trak and getting made fun of; maybe I should try one last radio message into space just for the hell of it.

 

[DeaJae]

grrrrrr, the alien ship did not listen, caused somekind of spatial rift in our singularity power source. we are in an isometric spatial rift, possibly not in our universe. our shields were unless, can only means they are using projectile weaponary. somethings draining our power outside. we also captured one of them, who tried to "pass water" on our hull, he's in the brig and will remain in stasis until we get out of this temporal rift.

no sign of the other ship.

 

[DeeperShade]

Tactical Officers Log Stardate: 011101010010101

I got very very drunk during the celebrations. We managed to haul the body of their captain aboard.. for some reason his mind was still active although his body was dead and so we loaded him into the Holobay's computer so that he can live his life out. We even made him think that he got away but sadly its just not true

Well.. I have to go sleep with one of the holoh0's

 

[WiLD2]

Starlog: 212134787899.969

The crew is celebrating again. This time over the speculated desctruction of the real Hydran Nautilus. There are still parts of it floating around outside... lemme check again.
*Chez WiLD2 pulls the cord of his "Hello Barbie" window blinds and looks outside*
Yep, there are still parts flying around.

I saw DeeperShade and Admiral Kilham a while ago. I don't think either of them even know where they are. DeeperShade asked if he could sign out one of the holographic projectors I've got in the back of the bar. My policy is "No questions asked" as long as I get it back clean, and in one piece... not like that time Capt 8-4-7-2 borrowed one. It took me a whole lot of spit and elbow grease to get that "Mayonaise; honest!" fluid off of it.

Come to think of it, there goes DeeperShade now. I don't see the Admiral anywhere. I wonder where he went.

Whoo, I need to sit down. Did I say Kilham was the admiral? No, I see him over there in the holo-lapdance room.

Supplemental: I just got back from the Doc's quarters and he says I'm still suffering from confusion. There's a case of it still going around. All-in-all, our Admiral, whoever he is, is missing.

 

[Syri]

Capta... ooops, i mean First Officers log, stardate 45754873*pi

there are emos odd things going no here, first fo all, it sems that eht spelling goes backwards on the sgol occasionally.
Wild2 saw heard referring to Kilham sa being an admiral earlier. i kniht he was mistaken, and confusing kilham htiw cascade.

I'm worried about woh vioent edahSrepeeD is getting, fair enough, that ship posed a problem, but the Spice Girls? i t'nod think anyone dluoc deserve a etaf that bad!

Oh, and it smees that the lorg originated ereh on earth! i found secart of lorg technology in a building known as tfosorcim headquarters, so i think i'll lead a team to investigate siht erofeb we return to our nwo time

 

[8-4-7-2]

Captain's log Stardate too drunk

Whoohoo. That was a victory celebration in the bar! Complete with beer and holostrippers. When I left at 6 am I got lost on one of the lower decks. I was really drunk, so I don't remember much. But what I know is that there was strange green stuff over the walls and some machine people running around. When I wanted to invite one of these dudes to to the party you got mad a mumbled something along "You will be masticated. Resitance is futile" and jumped towards me. I manages to chew off his arm and ran away. I sent one of this unnamed ensigns who always get killled to investigate that and am now heading to sickbay, to get something against my hangover

I also told First Officer D-Stroya that I plan to send an away team to m0crosoft headquaters again, as this General Protection Faults and computer incidents get out off hand

 

[Syri]

First Officers Log, stardate : 666

Hmm, due to that unstable cr*p o/s that we have picked up, we've been infected with a virus! It got in through one of the many security holes in this m0crosoft sh*t. Well, it seems we had best go to earth, and get a virus killer. And a copy of linux while we're there! we might be able to adapt it to run the old computer system, as we were using linux 568.864 before we travelled back. whatever version they have here, we should be able to re-program a bit.
Oh, and we must make more regular log updates!

 

[Luminuis]

<Infamous Analogous Voice>

We are coming to take you away DeeperShade...

</Infamous Analogous Voice>

 

[DeaJae]

[not well known song]
haha, to the funny farm where....
[/not well known song]
ahem *cough*

 

[Stryker8]

Ensign Stryker

After finally getting my diary pad online, i can tell you about whats been going on in the ship.
I heard something about an alien being on the ship, though i think its a sensor error again, like the time the sensors caught britney spears naked in a bath tub full of pokemon.
I heard loud noises yesterday above me, and minutes later some weird stench came in to my quarters, smelled like tequila.
Damn, yellow elert, wonder whats going on

Ensign Stryker signing of