I started a log to keep track of Roy's progess, but eventually stopped logging info after i found out i had to use my arms.
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Survival of the Fittest
25-Aug-07 Picked up Roy at Wal-Mart. Threw him around, covered him with crap, and brought him home.
Cut off Roy's arms, smashed his face in until he fit into transplant pot. Gave him chlorinated water.
26-Aug-07 Stabbed Roy in the head with a knife, twice. Didn't talk to Roy all day. No food; no water.
Took naked pictures of Roy. Roy looks really pissed off.
Can't get Roy Cam up and running because of dinosaurs on TV.
27-Aug-07 Woke Roy up in the middle of the night and told him that he was adopted.
Came home from work, told Roy I was only kidding about him being adopted, and then told him
that his parents died in a house fire yesterday. Roy seems unresponsive.
28-Aug-07 Roy looks thirsty, hungry, confused, but still hanging in there.
Forced Roy to look at Bea Arthur pictures all day.
29-Aug-07 Roy tried to ice me last night, while I was sleeping, with a shiv he fashioned from one of his dried
out stems. Was eventually able to subdue Roy after a struggle. He's starting to regain some strength.
30-Aug-07 Roy bewildered and waning. Sold gold tooth to hire Elvis impersonator
to snap him out of it. Roy looked the other way. Didn’t tap toes. No tipping.
31-Aug-07 Unbelievable! Roy orders pizza. Somehow, Roy figures out how to order pizza, says nothing, and I
end up looking like a jerk when I have to scramble for change to pay the pizza guy.
1-Sep-07 Roy tears off the tag from my mattress that reads: Do Not Remove under penalty of law.
While it's ok for the consumer to remove the tags, I'm betting he doesn't know that and is trying to
get me in trouble with the authorities.
2-Sep-07 Tried playing Frisbee with Roy, but he's not very good at it. He broke old Mrs. O'Reilly's window
and I took the blame for it.
3-Sep-07 Noticed that Roy doesn't move. Most plants will turn their leaves into the sun, but Roy's single
leaf just stays still. Investigated further and found out that Roy was trying to hide an UNKNOWN
plant that was growing along side him. Removed his companion and stomped it
into oblivion with a big boot.
4-Sep-07 Roy gets erection. Roy saw topless native women on the National Geographic Channel
and sprouted an erection. Either that or he's trying to grow more leaves.
5-Sep-07 Caught Roy with matches and a razor. Not sure what he was up to, but you can bet it was no good.
6-Sep-07 Woke up to the smell of scented candles and a funny feeling... you know… down there.
Roy had ritualistically shaved my testicles. There were candles all around the bed, and strange
African masks. Realized that's why Roy had matches and razor the day before. He must have watched
some African ritual on the National Geographic Channel. Moved Roy so he couldn't see the TV.