1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Two Factor Authentication is now available on BeyondUnreal Forums. To configure it, visit your Profile and look for the "Two Step Verification" option on the left side. We can send codes via email (may be slower) or you can set up any TOTP Authenticator app on your phone (Authy, Google Authenticator, etc) to deliver codes. It is highly recommended that you configure this to keep your account safe.

Roy the Plant

Discussion in 'Other Stuff' started by QUALTHWAR, Aug 3, 2008.

  1. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    Does anyone remember Roy the Plant?
     
  2. The Purple Bunny

    The Purple Bunny Super Mario Breakdance!

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    I remember him. The things you did to him. What happened to him?
     
  3. UBerserker

    UBerserker old EPIC GAMES

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    4,798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Where's good ol' Roy?
     
  4. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    I roughed him up a little, but he needed to know that he’d have to fight to survive. First, a little history: I bought Roy at a local Walmart store. He was in the garden department and I threw him into the shopping cart. Then I proceeded to pile all sorts of crap on top of him while I continued to shop. Not just light stuff, but anything and everything. He was buried with crap where you couldn’t even see him by the time I checked out.

    The casher rang up Roy and carefully set him on the bag pedestal and I grabbed him and threw him into the cart again and piled whatever on his head. Once home, I yanked off all him arms except for one and left him with one leaf. I put him into a clay pot and since he was sticking up a ways, I pounded my fists into his face until he was flush with the rim of the pot. I gave him highly-chlorinated water, threatened to piss on his head and stuck him in a corner on my desk. That’s when the trouble began.
     

    Attached Files:

    • roy1.JPG
      roy1.JPG
      File size:
      523.5 KB
      Views:
      21
  5. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    I started a log to keep track of Roy's progess, but eventually stopped logging info after i found out i had to use my arms.

    -----------------






    Survival of the Fittest

    25-Aug-07 Picked up Roy at Wal-Mart. Threw him around, covered him with crap, and brought him home.
    Cut off Roy's arms, smashed his face in until he fit into transplant pot. Gave him chlorinated water.

    26-Aug-07 Stabbed Roy in the head with a knife, twice. Didn't talk to Roy all day. No food; no water.
    Took naked pictures of Roy. Roy looks really pissed off.
    Can't get Roy Cam up and running because of dinosaurs on TV.

    27-Aug-07 Woke Roy up in the middle of the night and told him that he was adopted.
    Came home from work, told Roy I was only kidding about him being adopted, and then told him
    that his parents died in a house fire yesterday. Roy seems unresponsive.

    28-Aug-07 Roy looks thirsty, hungry, confused, but still hanging in there.
    Forced Roy to look at Bea Arthur pictures all day.

    29-Aug-07 Roy tried to ice me last night, while I was sleeping, with a shiv he fashioned from one of his dried
    out stems. Was eventually able to subdue Roy after a struggle. He's starting to regain some strength.

    30-Aug-07 Roy bewildered and waning. Sold gold tooth to hire Elvis impersonator
    to snap him out of it. Roy looked the other way. Didn’t tap toes. No tipping.

    31-Aug-07 Unbelievable! Roy orders pizza. Somehow, Roy figures out how to order pizza, says nothing, and I
    end up looking like a jerk when I have to scramble for change to pay the pizza guy.

    1-Sep-07 Roy tears off the tag from my mattress that reads: Do Not Remove under penalty of law.
    While it's ok for the consumer to remove the tags, I'm betting he doesn't know that and is trying to
    get me in trouble with the authorities.

    2-Sep-07 Tried playing Frisbee with Roy, but he's not very good at it. He broke old Mrs. O'Reilly's window
    and I took the blame for it.

    3-Sep-07 Noticed that Roy doesn't move. Most plants will turn their leaves into the sun, but Roy's single
    leaf just stays still. Investigated further and found out that Roy was trying to hide an UNKNOWN
    plant that was growing along side him. Removed his companion and stomped it
    into oblivion with a big boot.

    4-Sep-07 Roy gets erection. Roy saw topless native women on the National Geographic Channel
    and sprouted an erection. Either that or he's trying to grow more leaves.

    5-Sep-07 Caught Roy with matches and a razor. Not sure what he was up to, but you can bet it was no good.

    6-Sep-07 Woke up to the smell of scented candles and a funny feeling... you know… down there.
    Roy had ritualistically shaved my testicles. There were candles all around the bed, and strange
    African masks. Realized that's why Roy had matches and razor the day before. He must have watched
    some African ritual on the National Geographic Channel. Moved Roy so he couldn't see the TV.
     
  6. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    Roy quickly learned that if he didn’t behave, I would get “stabby.”
     

    Attached Files:

  7. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    After awhile, Roy healed from all his wounds, including all the stab wounds to the head, and started to grow.
     

    Attached Files:

  8. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    Roy was named by my dartboard naming method whereby I print this out and throw darts until a name is formed. You know, like many people seem to do nowadays when they name their kids. Roy’s full name is something like Roy’ILlaMar of something. I forget because of the brain damage.
     

    Attached Files:

  9. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    would you like to see how Roy is doing today?
     
  10. The Purple Bunny

    The Purple Bunny Super Mario Breakdance!

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    I printed out that dartboard and threw 6 darts to name my dog.

    His name is Dredellmo Yonkatwoneter
     
  11. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    amazing! that's the name of my goldfish.
     
  12. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    here's Roy today. He's greater than (>) one leaf now.
     

    Attached Files:

  13. The Purple Bunny

    The Purple Bunny Super Mario Breakdance!

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Looks like he's sprouting legs. May want to do something about that before he learns to walk.
     
  14. QUALTHWAR

    QUALTHWAR Baitshop opening soon.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2000
    Messages:
    6,410
    Likes Received:
    31
    His name is Roy.
     
  15. oosyxxx

    oosyxxx teh3vilspa7ula

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2000
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    2
  16. Rukee

    Rukee Coffee overclocks the overclocker!!

    Joined:
    May 15, 2001
    Messages:
    6,644
    Likes Received:
    6
  17. oosyxxx

    oosyxxx teh3vilspa7ula

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2000
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    2
    [imghttp://www.emotioneric.com/peopleseyebrow.jpg[/i]

    WHO YEAH!
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008
  18. oosyxxx

    oosyxxx teh3vilspa7ula

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2000
    Messages:
    3,015
    Likes Received:
    2
    [​IMG]
     
  19. UBerserker

    UBerserker old EPIC GAMES

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    4,798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for the update. Does it have any plans to dominate the world?
     
  20. Cat Fuzz

    Cat Fuzz Qualthwar's Minion. Ph34r!

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    3,930
    Likes Received:
    1


    YOU CAN BET YER ASS!!
     

Share This Page