Favorite Simpsons quotes ]|[ of whatever the hell number it is...

[The Dopefish]

If you need to, look here.

Bart (about the berries): How do they taste Ralph?
Ralph: They taste like...burning!

Ralph (after being soaked in fake blood): I look like cable TV!

 

[L_S]

Homer: Let this be a lesson to us all. It is far better to watch things than to do things.

 

[NeoNite]

Apu Nahasamapeelipamipatimalipilapeelon or whatever :

Whooooooo, she's got a HABIT!

 

[Warm Pudgy]

grandpa simpson:
i used to with it
then they changed what it was,
now what im with isnt it
and whats it is weird and scary to me

 

[Sparky]

"Ha.....ha" !

 

[Warm Pudgy]

lol at your avatar sparky


homer simpson:
its not whether you win or lose, its how drunk you get

 

[BlAcK_PlAgUe22]

"My cats breath smells like cat food."

"Look Lisa, we're a totem pole! hyuh-hyuh-hyuh-hyuh-hyuh-hyuh-hyuh!"
-Ralph

"mmm... Urinal fresh"
"mmm... unprocessed-fish-sticks"
"mmm... slanty"
"D'oh!"
-Homer

 

[iolair]

Homerisms

Just because I don't care, it doesn't mean I don't understand

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

 

[Sam_The_Man]

Homer: Boy, you go to your teacher and tell her the truth.
Marge: No Homer, the truth would humiliate her!
Homer: Aw Marge, I only said what I thought you wanted to hear.

 

[The Dopefish]

Homer (Max Power): Kids, there's three ways to do things in life: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster.

Bart: Why are you videotaping Flanders?
Homer: You'll see.
Bart: Do you even have a job anymore?
Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.

Homer (looking at Kama Sutra): Hey Marge! This guy looks like Apu.
Marge: Shh. I don't want people to see us looking at these books.
(Bart and Lisa walk up)
Bart: Hi, guys. Whatcha lookin' at?
(Homer and Marge fumble books)
Marge: Um...I'm just reading up on -- ("Tanks of the Third Reich") -- artillery.
Homer: Yes, and I'm pursuing my interest in -- ("Mapplethorpe") -- aah!

Abe: Welcome home, Son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. (Marge walks away.) What's wrong with your wife?
Homer: Never mind, you wouldn't understand.
Abe: Flu?
Homer: No.
Abe: Protein deficiency?
Homer: No.
Abe: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
Homer: No.
Abe: Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer: N -- yes! But please, don't _you_ say that word!
Abe: What, seeeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeex.
(Homer groans)

 

[L_S]

The episode when Lisa wants to become a Buddhist (sp?)

Homer (speaking to someone off camera, at first viewer assumes it is Lisa): As you long as you live under my roof you will follow my beliefs!.....Now butter your bacon boy!

Bart: but daaaad my heart hurts....

Homer shaking fist and clenching teeth: Buuuutttterr iiiiit!

Bart: Yes sir...

 

[yenner]

[Homer playin sax after losing Lisa]Saxamaphone, saxamaphone...[/Homer playin sax after losing Lisa]

 

[BishopASJ]

"For I am the Mayor of Alberquerque!"

 

[Swarthy_Foreskin]

Snake:

I told the guard I was going out for a pack of smokes, then I totally stabbed him

 

[funkblast]

Kent brockmen: is your son a communist
Abe: my son is not a communist.... he's a pig, a liar, a communist but he is not a pornstar.

 

[EmptySpace]

Homer - "I'm normally not a praying man, but please, if you're out there, save me Superman!"

 

[[PPP]Redman]

Bart: When I die, I wanna come back as a butterfly.
Lisa: Why's that?
Bart: Cuz no one ever suspects.. the butterfly... mohahahahahaa...

Homer: Save me Jeeebuuus!!

Homer: Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you got a butt that won't quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here that woaaahhaaaaaa oohhaaaaa FIVE DOLLARS? Get outta here...

 

[Deathmaker]

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

"I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"

 

[Stillborn]

American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how's that for freedom of choice?

Homer's brain : Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret.
Homer : Marge , I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Marge : Oh, my gosh!
Homer's Brain : No, the other secret.
Homer : Marge, I never passed high school.
Marge : That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.

Homer : How much does this job pay?
Lenny : Nothing.
Homer : D'oh!
Lenny : Unless you're crooked.
Homer : Woohoo!

Lisa : You must drive this stake right through his heart.
Homer : Take that vile FIEND!
[Homer plunges stake into body, repeatedly hammering]
Lisa : Ah ... Dad, that's his crotch.
Homer : Ho Ho Ho, Sorry!

Oh Marge, anyone can miss Canada ... all tucked away down there.

Smithers : Next question. There's a problem with the reactor. What do you do?
Homer : There's a problem with teh reactor?! [Homer stands up].
Homer : WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!! [runs out of room screaming].

 

[The Dopefish]

Homer: You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition!