You’ll start to grow hair where there was no hair before. Then places with normal hair turn into places where hair mutates and starts to grow relentlessly. Depending on genes, you may lose hair where there was hair before.
Then the gassy thing starts. You’ve probably heard of “paying it forward?” Well, when you eat things that make you gassy, you pay it forward for a much longer time. You’ll belch and fart enough to make a statistical impact on the ozone layer.
Underwear goes from skimpy to “comfortable.” You take pills to keep you alive and you’ll need one of those pill reminder thingies so you don’t forget to take something.
Old moles become old friends and you welcome new moles by saying, “Welcome to the team.” You find excuses not to do things around the house and hire people to do tasks for you. You compile a list of people you want to see dead, but misplace the list.
You don’t know who Lady Beonces is, or whatever they are, and you don’t care. When Christmas lights burn out on the tree you don’t have the patience to troubleshoot the problem; you just rip the light string off the tree and go buy a new string.
You watch cooking shows.
You realize the importance of a magnifying glass. Clothes don’t fit. Toilet paper MUST be much softer. You submit to a new boss because it’s just easier this way; YOUR WIFE. Bagpipe music doesn’t just annoy you, it infuriates you! You try not to think about death. You see your doctor much more often. You pretend that you remember things.
You realize that pretty much all the genius discoveries were made by people way younger than you so, chances are, your brain is too washed out to come up with a cure for flatulence.
Then the gassy thing starts. You’ve probably heard of “paying it forward?” Well, when you eat things that make you gassy, you pay it forward for a much longer time. You’ll belch and fart enough to make a statistical impact on the ozone layer.
Underwear goes from skimpy to “comfortable.” You take pills to keep you alive and you’ll need one of those pill reminder thingies so you don’t forget to take something.
Old moles become old friends and you welcome new moles by saying, “Welcome to the team.” You find excuses not to do things around the house and hire people to do tasks for you. You compile a list of people you want to see dead, but misplace the list.
You don’t know who Lady Beonces is, or whatever they are, and you don’t care. When Christmas lights burn out on the tree you don’t have the patience to troubleshoot the problem; you just rip the light string off the tree and go buy a new string.
You watch cooking shows.
You realize the importance of a magnifying glass. Clothes don’t fit. Toilet paper MUST be much softer. You submit to a new boss because it’s just easier this way; YOUR WIFE. Bagpipe music doesn’t just annoy you, it infuriates you! You try not to think about death. You see your doctor much more often. You pretend that you remember things.
You realize that pretty much all the genius discoveries were made by people way younger than you so, chances are, your brain is too washed out to come up with a cure for flatulence.
