Dear Doctor CHRYSt

[anterobs]

Dear Doctor chryst,

I've been feeling strange lately. I feel like spamming all the forums around the world, and I have nightmares with the word p0stc0un+. Once I dreamt with Boom reseting my p0stc0un+.

And people told me I'm going to die because I'm a primitive fish, and can't surivive to natural selection.

I wanto to go back to my normal state. What do you think I should do?

 

[LadyDeathwish]

Dear Doc CHRYSt...

... I can never sleep at night like normal people. I get 4-6 hours of sleep every day. What should I do?

Thanks in advance,
LadyDeathwish

 

[Kray]

Dear Dr. CHRYSt,

I am planning to take over the world and make everybody my slave and do all my bidding. But I don't have an army, and I don't have any money to pay for an army. In addition to that, I'm too nice a person to make other people do stuff agaisn't their wishes. What should I do? I still want to take over the world.

 

[CHRYSt]

Well, you guys were certainly busy last night! Let's go ahead and see what we can do.

Originally posted by ZenPirate
Yo Doc!
Please help!How the hell can I get the voices in my head to like me??I mean,they are always sooo damn negative.Always spouting off 'bout,"Ooo,she's a lovely,isn't she" or..."why not grab an axe,and end this conversation now"..or the more mundane,"Shut up and grab the cat and the instant jello"..What am I to do?Why can't we all just get along? shut up you m0!!
I will not.this guy can help us No,he can't ...here kitty,kitty...

Have you tried asking the voices why they don't like you? Perhaps you should take a moment to look at yourself from their point of view. You may just realize that you want to kill yourself as badly as they want you too.
And leave the cat alone. Jello has better purposes.

Originally posted by anterobs
Dear Doctor chryst,

I've been feeling strange lately. I feel like spamming all the forums around the world, and I have nightmares with the word p0stc0un+. Once I dreamt with Boom reseting my p0stc0un+.

And people told me I'm going to die because I'm a primitive fish, and can't surivive to natural selection.

I wanto to go back to my normal state. What do you think I should do?

Don't spam. Go find a whore instead. www.nvbrothels.com. That might take your mind off that stupid number. If not, well...there's always a way out.

Originally posted by LadyDeathwish
... I can never sleep at night like normal people. I get 4-6 hours of sleep every day. What should I do?

Thanks in advance,
LadyDeathwish

What you need is a good deep dickin'. Find yourself a large burly guy with a good reputation for umm..stamina...and spread your legs. Give him about 15-45 minutes to do his thing, and you'll be out like a light.

Originally posted by Kray
Dear Dr. CHRYSt,

I am planning to take over the world and make everybody my slave and do all my bidding. But I don't have an army, and I don't have any money to pay for an army. In addition to that, I'm too nice a person to make other people do stuff agaisn't their wishes. What should I do? I still want to take over the world.

Your desire to take over the world puts you in direct opposition to me. An army of trained monkeys armed with pointed sticks will arrive at your home shortly.
You may however, wish to have a look here. It may give you some pointers should I decide to forego my plans.

 

[flare]

Dear Doctor chryst,

I really like the infomation you give people, you seem to know everything, you should run for god.

anyways onto my question. My 2 monkeys are having sex with each other, and spanking each other as well. This wouldnt be a problem, but the 2 monkeys are males. There screwing each other up the ass. I try to seperate them. But when I do they get all pissed off and angry and try to kill me. what should I do about it? 2 male monkeys arent suppose to **** each other. I also tried letting them roam free for a week out in the wild, but they stay together and still **** each other. help me please I dont know what to do about my 2 gay monkeys.

 

[CHRYSt]

Originally posted by Flare123
Dear Doctor chryst,

I really like the infomation you give people, you seem to know everything, you should run for god.

Thanks for your support. The campaign is already underway.

anyways onto my question. My 2 monkeys are having sex with each other, and spanking each other as well. This wouldnt be a problem, but the 2 monkeys are males. There screwing each other up the ass. I try to seperate them. But when I do they get all pissed off and angry and try to kill me. what should I do about it? 2 male monkeys arent suppose to **** each other. I also tried letting them roam free for a week out in the wild, but they stay together and still **** each other. help me please I dont know what to do about my 2 gay monkeys.

Who the hell do you think you are? If those monkeys want to be gay, let them be gay. Just because you don't like the same sex doesn't mean that your monkies can't. Seriously, homophobes should all be skinned and hung by their teeny little testicles to be pecked at by carrion fowl.
Let them hump each other. But have them tested to make sure that neither has anything communicable, and leave them with enough K-Y or wet, or you'll have costly veterinary bills when you need to have their anuses fixed.

 

[flare]

ok thanks, I didnt realize that can happen between 2 monkeys.
I thought they had some mental problem or something.

 

[The_Shadow_Knows]

Dr Dr CHRTSt, I like to walk out in public with my dick hanging out and people on the street condem me for doin it! Infact i was standin at the bus stop with it fully errected and an ole women beside me passed out in from lookin at it! Now the police lock me up and have locked a chasity belt on me so I can't pull it out in public! Please help all I want to do is express my self to everyone and beable to walk freely with my dick hanging out.. Thanks and I really do enjoy your show

 

[CHRYSt]

Originally posted by The_Shadow_Knows
Dr Dr CHRTSt, I like to walk out in public with my dick hanging out and people on the street condem me for doin it! Infact i was standin at the bus stop with it fully errected and an ole women beside me passed out in from lookin at it! Now the police lock me up and have locked a chasity belt on me so I can't pull it out in public! Please help all I want to do is express my self to everyone and beable to walk freely with my dick hanging out.. Thanks and I really do enjoy your show

Well, this is a problem. I mean, it's your penis, right? Well unfortunately, the US of A was founded by a bunch of jesus loving hippies. Hence, their Jesus loving ways have persisted over the years as new generations of Jesus lovers continue the tratition of fear, bigotry, and inhibition. One manifestation of this is what are known as "decency laws." Unfortunately, these laws are supported, and enforced by the courts and law enforcement. This means that if you want to live in this country, there's nothing you can do but adhere.

However, you can make a stand. You can go out with your Mr. BoJangles swinging all over the place, and simply gun down any Jesus loving hippy who stands in your way. You may end up martyred, but it will be a precedent for all exhibitionists to follow.
And just think, perhaps your death will cause such an uproar that women will walk down the street fully nude for us all to ogle at will. Every man will thank you. Songs will be sung in your honor, and small children will want to grow up to be "Just like the guy who ended the Jesus loving hippy reign!" Wouldn't it be wonderful? Boobies on every street, bouncing before everyone's eyes. O what a brave new world it will be!

 

[The_Shadow_Knows]

Hey I like the idea, but i want to be around when the boobies are bouncin around

 

[Limbo]

OOOwwww!!!

Dr Doctor CHrYst

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh... My mate John just passed me a Blunt, and NAPALMED my God Damned CROUCH!!!!! *OUCH* Mutha FUKA can't roll fur $hite.

MY crouch is on fire, What shall I do?

 

[ZenPirate]

Have you tried asking the voices why they don't like you? Perhaps you should take a moment to look at yourself from their point of view. You may just realize that you want to kill yourself as badly as they want you too.
And leave the cat alone. Jello has better purposes.

Thanks for the advice! Anyway,I know jello has better purposes,but I can't get the Mrs. into the aluminum foil helmet,and my bathtub just isn't big enough anyway.dammit....Anyway,me and the boys are getting along much better now!

 

[flare]

Dear Dr. Chryst,

is it safe to eat p00p thats been pissed on?

 

[pine]

Hey Flare, quit hogging Dr. CHRYSt. Other people have problems too, ya know......

 

[flare]

I got lots of problems ok, and besides hes able to answer all of them. I dont think he minds.

 

[D66]

Originally posted by CHRYSt
Your desire to take over the world puts you in direct opposition to me. An army of trained monkeys armed with pointed sticks will arrive at your home shortly.
You may however, wish to have a look here. It may give you some pointers should I decide to forego my plans.

You both are FOOLS!!! My army of Giant Mutant Ninja Midgets combined with the mindcontroll rings already in circulation from my partner Ronnie Mervus, will render ME invincible!!!!!!! Your monkies will be swept aside like so much chaff when the 60ft Midget Masters begin their reign of terror as engagement ring wearing female zombies upset the very balance of society. WHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!



oh and while there may be MORE transvestite-hookers on Broad, The really Scarry/Creative ones ARE on Grace. Good call there

 

[GameOverZ]

Laughter therapy.

 

[CHRYSt]

Originally posted by Limbo
Dr Doctor CHrYst
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh... My mate John just passed me a Blunt, and NAPALMED my God Damned CROUCH!!!!! *OUCH* Mutha FUKA can't roll fur $hite.
MY crouch is on fire, What shall I do?

As a dirty pot smoking hippy, you derserve what you get. Please fan the crotch fire to effectively remove yourself from your place at the shallow end of the gene pool.

Originally posted by Flare123
Dear Dr. Chryst,

is it safe to eat p00p thats been pissed on?

Your own urine is sterile. Anyone else's is suspect. Eat at your own risk.

 

[flare]

Dear Doctor chryst

I have 2 bug bites on my arm and its annoying. what should I do?

and by the way, your picture of that retard in the wheel chair is missing, please gix it because thats funny

 

[Limbo]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhh!!!!

That hurts DOC!!!!!


/Me goes up in flames


P.S. I may smoke pot, but I ain't not God Damned Tree Hugging Hippy!!! I just have a Hedonistic Enthusiasm for Life, and I just Wonna Get Loaded