Church of Xylene

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

No Blorgg, not at all.
The Goddess is infinite in her ineffable compassion.
Though you may have nothing *physical* to donate to her holy worship, you can still devote your spirit to her.
In many ways this is the greatest offering one can make to the Mistress of the Holy Eightball, but it can be an arduous path to take. You must master the six mantras of the Perfection of Xylene, and search deep within yourself to discover the inner truth of Xylene for yourself.

I will post the six mantras when the world is ready for them, but until then you must redouble your inner search for enlightenment. This is best accomplished by the playing of UT, which brings you closer to the Divine.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

[This message has been edited by The_Dudester (edited 05-20-2000).]

Blorgg · May 21, 2000

I have started to go down a long path of hardships and I have found that I can now hear Xylene whisper to me, tho not very clear it fills me with joy. But at the same time it leaves me mistified with thoughts about what she's trying to say or not to say to me

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

UY · May 21, 2000

So...if I win the 1on1 with her in the Puf tourney...then you will turn your worship over to my God? You will have no leader?

And if I lose, it will be because of the pl

Dus · May 21, 2000

NO-ONE can defeat Xylene, for she is powerful enough to dream grass!!
Me like grass!

I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

UY, you fail to grasp the ineffable nature of the Goddess.
She may chose to test the faith of we Believers in the True Faith by "losing" to you in the tourney, but this will not change the Truth of Xylene.

In fact, I pray that the Deepest Truth have mercy upon you in this tourney, to spare the effect defeat might have on your own faith.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

JuDDa · May 21, 2000

Well i want the missionary position.

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

And you shall have it Holy Missionary JuDDa.

Go forth and spread the divine word of the Holy Xylene.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

My brothers (and most holy sisters), I must leave you now, for a time, to contemplate the esoteric mysteries of the Perfect Goddess.

Feel free to post any questions you have hear and I shall endeavor to enlighten you with the Truth of Xylene when I return.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Dus · May 21, 2000

I have a question:
where do I leave my milk?

MOO?

I'm a bombexpert, if you see me freak, RUN!

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

The Church of the Most Holy Xylene accepts your compromise.
Xylene takes many forms and it is possible that your species' own religions are another path to the Truth.

The Church of Xylene and the race known to the Borg as Species 8472 are now officially allied.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Zaccix · May 21, 2000

Procedamus In Pace.

In Spiritus Xyli.

In Nomine Xylene Amen.

=Z==A==C==C==I==X=

jenny? · May 21, 2000

OMG, Dudester you are too funny. I just found this thread.. LOL

I am very pleased with your neverending struggle to spread my word. You will be blessed with eternal.. something. The great goddess is appreciative of your God-like (

) efforts!

Oh and by the way, I have an extra special position for WAnk. *cough*

-Jenny grins

If rhymes were Valium, I'd be comfortably numb.

MoyDoy · May 21, 2000

Xylene, I will spread the word to the members of my clan and make them worship you. I have seen the truth.

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

Since I was last here, we have been visited by the Goddess Xylene Herself.
She has pronounced Herself pleased with our neverending devotion.
We should all celebrate this most Holy visit with a sacred period of UT-CTF.

We have also gained a most worthy convert, Initiate MoyDoy. He is so filled with the Love of Xylene that he wishes to spread the word to the rest of his clan. In recognition of this effort, I award him the post of Holy Missionary Initiate, under the tutelage of our High Holy Missionary JuDDa.

Finally, we have had a most apposite query from Initiate BURR.
Do not worry Initiate, the milk will be collected by the Holy Power of the Dreamer of Worlds. All you must do is dedicate it to Her.

We must now all search within ourselves for closer union with the Deepest Truth.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Vortex · May 21, 2000

This sounds good! What must I do to gain acceptance to this most holy of religions?

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>ArachnoSpores - The fatal spores with the funny name!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

I have posted the requirements for Initiation into the Church of Xylene on the 1st page of this topic. However, I find your enthusiasm for our holy order to be most gratifying so I shall enlighten your soul here as well.

The first requirement is that you recognise the First Truth of Xylene: That the Great Goddess Xylene is All, and all earthly things are merely Her dreams.
You may also wish to dedicate yourself to the Divine Consort of Xylene, the Holy WAnk, although this is not strictly necessary.
Next you must make an offering of Chocolate to the Mistress of the Holy Eightball.
Finally you must spend several hours in Holy Communion - this may best be achieved by the playing of the Ineffable Game : Unreal Tournament.

At this point you shall be ready to become an Initiate of the Church of the Most Holy Xylene.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

[This message has been edited by The_Dudester (edited 05-21-2000).]

Vortex · May 21, 2000

That's cool. I already fulfill those criteria anyway, I believe and the chocolates are on their way!

All hail The Church of Xylene! \0/

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when
a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>ArachnoSpores - The fatal spores with the funny name!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

Welcome to our fold, Initiate Vortex!

I see great potential within you for our holy cause.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

8-4-7-2 · May 21, 2000

As the most powerful and perfect species throughout the whole galaxy I refuse to bow down in front of another god, what name s/he
ever has!

The_Dudester · May 21, 2000

Foolish species!

Although your mighty hive mind may rule Fluidic Space, it is as nothing to the Eternal Xylene. Be careful you do not anger Her, for Her Mighty Eightball can destroy your race in an instant.

High Priest of the Most Holy Xylene,
Mistress of the Holy Eightball,
The Undefeatable Face of Reality,
Dreamer of the World,
The Deepest Truth.

"We live for the great goddess Xylene, we die for the great goddess Xylene."

Church of Xylene

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