If someone has the secret to making poops that leave hardly any skid marks, let me know.
yikes.
ok, let's say you were eating cream cheese wontons and nothing else for a week. i bet i would still have no skid marks because of my wiping skills. the fact that you said "that leave -->HARDLY<-- any skid marks" means you have had some that rival a highschool parking lot.
i feel for you i do. heres my technique and while sounding gross it's guaranteed. first you must know the problem. you wipe, right and still get skid marks. the thing is there is still **** caked to the inside of your asshole. it's hidden away a bit, so you think all is well. i learned this when i was about nine years old but don't feel bad. the secret is to crack open your asshole a bit and dab around in there a bit. don't go more than, say, half an inch otherwise you have other problems entirely.
repeat the process until the toilet paper is clean and you should be skid mark free. remember dab, don't ram a toilet paper covered finger up there. that would be wrong. but you should eat better because i've always considered this an
INFREQUENT emergency procedure before i give up and take a freakin shower. you could also take lots of showers.
****! that was disgusting and i'm sorry but he sounds like he has a serious problem.
EDIT:
antibacterial soap, scrub hands PLEASE.