Well poop in my mouth and call me Leonard!!

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el Gato

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Jan 19, 2000
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LOL at PineConeBoy...

Not if you wipe in the right direction! :) Plus it helps if you acclimate your arse by NOT using double-ply toilet paper. USe the single-ply sandpaper-like TP.
 

pine

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Apr 29, 2001
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What to use:

El Gato,

Wiping in the right direction is indeed what you must do for satisfactory results with fir and spruce cones, as if you go "against the grain" their scales will shred in your buttcrack and leave a bunch of cone shards lodged 'twixt the cheeks. Rather uncomfortable I would imagine.

Here's a picture of a spruce cone; "Blue" or "Colorado" spruce if I'm not mistaken. As you can see, the scales are fairly thin and lie down flat; this makes for nice soft wipeage.
 
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pine

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What NOT to use:

This is a follow up to my last post. As soon as I figure out how to put more than one pic in a post I'll do that and not spam like this, but until then.......

THIS is a pine cone. The species is Jeffrey pine, and as you can see the scales are much thicker and stiffer and stick straight out. Additionally, the scales each have a rather sharp barb at their tip which points upward/outward. Also, the cone is quite a lot larger; usually 4" or so in diameter compared to a spruce cone's 2" - 2 1/2".

The combination of these factors make it an extremely unsavory choice for wiping, as there's no "right" direction to wipe in, there's lots of pointy things and the size is just too large for most normal people to reach the actual spot-to-be cleaned. My suggestion if you're hard up for backwoods TP is to look for some snow or leafy plants, but that's just me. Oh, and stay away from the poison ivy, that's makes a bad a$$ wipe too.

Hope this informative little journey makes your next trip into the woods a more pleasant one!
 

Buscemi

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Why don't you just use...
micro_as_wipe.jpg
 

pine

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haha, the bump is mine, all mine!

/me checks watch

12:08 am! It's friiiiiiidaaaaaaaaay!!!

oh wait.....I have a final today.......and hours more studying to do for it.......damn :(

Let me know when it's Saturday ;)
 

AriTheDog

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May 6, 2001
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i'd allow my mouth to be pooped in, but i don't wanna have to take a shower tomorrow morning. i won't have time. maybe next friday.

and by the way...

the line starts over there.
 

L_S

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Nov 24, 1999
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I left work an hour early just to come and see you Lenny! w00t!!! yay-eeee-yay!