Rikki - Mercfemb Wip

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SaD

Skincollecting Fanatic
Sep 6, 2003
3,088
2
38
54
Germany
skincity.beyondunreal.com
Starry Might said:
....
Looks like SaD got her! :clap:

Yes .

A little bit OffTopic : 1. of October is the last update before I´m offline for a little vacation .
Urlaub.gif


The next update after the 1. will be around the 12. or 13.

And now
Schild-BacktoTopic.gif
.
 
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Starry Might

bFemale=True
SaD said:
Yes .

A little bit OffTopic : 1. of October is the last update before I´m offline for a little vacation .
Urlaub.gif


The next update after the 1. will be around the 12. or 13.

And now
Schild-BacktoTopic.gif
.
I see. Hope you have fun! :2thumb:

Getting back on topic: Slaughter, if you're reading this, I'd like you to make a wallpaper of Rikki and Kolman together as a companion piece. :):tup:

EDIT: Just thought I'd add that even though the Release-Queue still says that Rikki isn't mirrored yet (as of this writing), she's actually available - I poked around the FileWorks earlier today and found her (I downloaded her from FileFront) :D:

http://download.beyondunreal.com/fileworks.php/skincity/ut2k3/rikki_ut2k3.zip
 
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Vailias

New Member
Aug 9, 2004
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www.starsiege2845.com
Erika Kolman (who prefers to go by her nickname ''Rikki'') is a privateer who trades with and shuttles goods for various mercenary fleets (including the 7th Mercenary Fleet and the Blue Vanguard) in her personal shuttle, the ''Kon Rikki'' (a pun on ''Kon Tiki'').
Here you should use a pair of commas to set off the prepositional phrase (who...”rikki”) rather than using brackets. This keeps it as part of the sentence, instead of being a separate thought in the middle of the sentence. A comma is needed after with. The aside about the mercenary fleets is superfluous. The 7th and Blue Vanguard, if I remember correctly, are not mainstream, epic created merc divisions, thus their names have no meaning to your average UT player, who would recognize Thunder Crash, Iron Guard, or Liandri’s Angels. The name of the shuttle and its explanation are also irrelevant to the bio at hand. They have no bearing on the game the player will be playing, unless you mod in a shuttle. In which case you could include that info with the shuttle. ;)

||One evening, Rikki was watching the Tournament on Neurovision (she's not a fan of it, but there was nothing else on worth watching that night).
Again this aside, while it helps develop her preferences for television, does nothing but detract from the overall narrative about the characters history. Wether or not she likes watching the tournament on Neurovision is irrelevant to her reasons for becoming a contestant. She could love it. She could hate it. She could have just been flipping channels on a commercial break. Any way you put it, it still doesn’t do anything for the overall story at hand.
In a conversation with Hadrian asking, “You don’t even like watching the tournament. Why would you compete in it?” explanation of “Well there was nothing else on one night, and I saw you do some impressive shock combo work....” would work well as it is in direct context of the story and totally relevant to the question at hand.


||And so she's recently entered the Tournament to catch up with Hadrian and get the full story from him.
Starting sentences with a conjunction is incorrect. Its harder to read.

Her quiet strength in battle and her lethality with the Minigun have won the admiration of most Tournament contestants and fans.
(Comma!) "battle, and"

Furthermore, her disarmingly beautiful face and her strong-willed, yet gentle, personality have captivated lots of men, fans and competitors alike (including Wraith of the SuperNova team...).||

If the part about Wraith is a major point of the character you are developing, it needs to either be included in the sentence, or made into its own sentence, rather than used as a parenthetical remark. "Furthermore" is also a conjunctive word like "and", so should not be used to start a sentance.

All in all your writing definitely gets the point across, but doing so in more proper fashion makes it easier to get people to read the whole thing.

I know this is a moot issue at this point, but I do hope the editing helps with your further writing. :)

FWIW I started writing all this yesterday, but got busy at work. heh.
also check this page out http://mbhs.bergtraum.k12.ny.us/cybereng/proper.htm its fun with proper english.
 
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Starry Might

bFemale=True
Vailias said:
The 7th and Blue Vanguard, if I remember correctly, are not mainstream, epic created merc divisions, thus their names have no meaning to your average UT player, who would recognize Thunder Crash, Iron Guard, or Liandri’s Angels.
I made up the Blue Vanguard, but the 7th Mercenary Fleet IS an Epic/Digital Extremes thing!

Prism's Bio ([b]Boldface[/b] mine) said:
Raised on the crippled Capships of the 7th Mercenary fleet, Prism is part engineer, part gun for hire. She takes her name from the custom eyepiece she designed while inspecting bulkheads for micro-fractures.
 

Vailias

New Member
Aug 9, 2004
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Starry Might said:
I made up the Blue Vanguard, but the 7th Mercenary Fleet IS an Epic/Digital Extremes thing!

ahh thanks. I stand corrected. I had not remembered that bio. :)
Way to tie in that detail.

anyway sorry to have turned this into an english debate. I usually don't care about english that much. You show that you think out your character's place in the universe, rather than just throwing some things together that sound cool. I respect that quite a bit, and with a little polish to your writing, it can really shine.
 

Kantham

Fool.
Sep 17, 2004
18,034
2
38
Millitary looking w/ UT2004 = Confusions

Very nice work, should probably fit well with a millitary assault map or something of that kind, but not with the original content of the game for me.

But well, looking at it again, she have a old school looking armor, it would be great if you could remplace the camo by something solid. EDIT: Solid, just push your imagination , slaughter :). Just making a different version, because i basicly like all the rest exept the camo texture over her armor. Maybe the blue skin will look better
 
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UTGirl

Link(gun) Lady
Kantham said:
Very nice work, should probably fit well with a millitary assault map or something of that kind, but not with the original content of the game for me.

But well, looking at it again, she have a old school looking armor, it would be great if you could remplace the camo by something solid. EDIT: Solid, just push your imagination , slaughter :). Just making a different version, because i basicly like all the rest exept the camo texture over her armor. Maybe the blue skin will look better
:tup:
 

SaD

Skincollecting Fanatic
Sep 6, 2003
3,088
2
38
54
Germany
skincity.beyondunreal.com
Starry Might said:
I see. Hope you have fun! :2thumb:
Thanx . I´m sure I have lotsa fun .

Starry Might said:
EDIT: Just thought I'd add that even though the Release-Queue still says that Rikki isn't mirrored yet (as of this writing), she's actually available - I poked around the FileWorks earlier today and found her (I downloaded her from FileFront) :D:
It´s on the release-queue with link now.It got mirrored while I was in Dreamland (sleeping) :lol:
 
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Starry Might

bFemale=True
Vailias said:
ahh thanks. I stand corrected. I had not remembered that bio. :)
Way to tie in that detail.
You're welcome! :D (The 7th Mercenary Fleet is also mentioned at the official "UT 2004" website's "UT 2004" "Roster" section - scroll down to "SuperNova".)

Vailias said:
anyway sorry to have turned this into an english debate. I usually don't care about english that much. You show that you think out your character's place in the universe, rather than just throwing some things together that sound cool. I respect that quite a bit, and with a little polish to your writing, it can really shine.
That's okay. :) (Thanks for the great compliments, as well! :2thumb:)

I'll admit that I do tend to bend the rules of English when I write. :eek:

However, at least I use capital letters and puncuation, unlike most people on the Internet. :lol: (NO OFFENSE! ;))

MäxX said:
Starry Might said:
Has she captivated you the way Kolman captivated me?
yap :D
Good! :clap:

I wanted her to be pretty (to make it abundantly clear that her brother Hadrian's good looks aren't a fluke! ;)), so I told Slaughter to give her Aryss's eyes and Diva's lips (the latter are recolored).

SaD said:
Starry Might said:
EDIT: Just thought I'd add that even though the Release-Queue still says that Rikki isn't mirrored yet (as of this writing), she's actually available - I poked around the FileWorks earlier today and found her (I downloaded her from FileFront) :D:
It´s on the release-queue with link now.It got mirrored while I was in Dreamland (sleeping) :lol:
A-HA! So that's what happened! :lol: ;)
 

D3@thChild

Nanoblack Ftw!
Mar 22, 2005
102
0
0
47
Between Life and Death
With no doubt one of the best skins for this model i´ve ever seen, everything is very correct and in place i like it very much. Slaughter awesome work so far dude you´ve inspired me to skin again and turn my eyes once more to this great game. I have a few new skins in the forge too hehe skinning.....skinning... i love it:D Will post wips as soon as i have someting worth of showing, thx again Slaughter:) .
 

Maxx

Bite Me
Dec 19, 2003
2,939
0
0
Starry Might said:
....
Good! :clap:

I wanted her to be pretty (to make it abundantly clear that her brother Hadrian's good looks aren't a fluke! ;)), so I told Slaughter to give her Aryss's eyes and Diva's lips (the latter are recolored).
....
Was obviously a great idea, that`s definitaly one of the most beautiful ladies I`ve seen in the tournament for some time.
Of course Satin is the all-time-fav ;)
 

LeGeNDaRy

Bleed Black
Apr 28, 2005
657
0
0
36
day-graveyard.com
D3@thChild said:
With no doubt one of the best skins for this model i´ve ever seen, everything is very correct and in place i like it very much. Slaughter awesome work so far dude you´ve inspired me to skin again and turn my eyes once more to this great game. I have a few new skins in the forge too hehe skinning.....skinning... i love it:D Will post wips as soon as i have someting worth of showing, thx again Slaughter:) .

*Yay!*
Long time, DC.
Can you upload your UC2 Brock online plz? I've been meaning to get my hands on it a long time ago.
 

Starry Might

bFemale=True
D3@thChild said:
With no doubt one of the best skins for this model i´ve ever seen, everything is very correct and in place i like it very much. Slaughter awesome work so far dude you´ve inspired me to skin again and turn my eyes once more to this great game. I have a few new skins in the forge too hehe skinning.....skinning... i love it:D Will post wips as soon as i have someting worth of showing, thx again Slaughter:) .
I'm not Slaughter, but...wow. :eek: :2thumb:

I'd like to see what you're up to (when you can show it, of course!). I have your "UT2003 Commandos" and "NecrisTeam", and I like 'em. :):tup:

MäxX said:
Was obviously a great idea, that`s definitaly one of the most beautiful ladies I`ve seen in the tournament for some time.
Of course Satin is the all-time-fav ;)
Your welcome! :D
 

D3@thChild

Nanoblack Ftw!
Mar 22, 2005
102
0
0
47
Between Life and Death
Starry Might said:
I'd like to see what you're up to (when you can show it, of course!). I have your "UT2003 Commandos" and "NecrisTeam", and I like 'em. :):tup:

I´ve learned alot since those skins, glad you liked them. I know this is Slaughters pimp skin thread but here´s a picky of what i´m doing, hope you guys like it. I´ll try and create a new skin for every race, i have more free time now hihihi :D .

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