"The Hunt for Turd Burglur"
for my buiddy LiquiD_SiN
As my memories dance… like fairies in the mist, my anger grows and now I am pissed.
For a man stole from me… he took that which was brown and gnarl…
He reached in my pants and stole a perfectly good hot Carl…
I have come to this wasteland looking for him, to make him pay.
The back alley at Denny’s I heard he was here today…
What is wrong with him? Of that, I am not completely sure.
I do know one thing though; my bare hands are the cure.
You see here is my problem, with the actions that he did.
Read no further weak of heart… it is not my fault if you did.
I had this thing… lets say of female persuasion,
Big and rotund… (if you get my insinuation)
She was not attractive, no not even for “LiquiD_SiN”
I mean I’ve seen the girls he likes and most look like him.
Wait… hold on… back to my original rants
(If I talk too much more LiquiD_SiN will wet his pants)
So we know she was ugly, and heavily endowed…
But unluckily for me she chose me from the crowd.
She chased me to Walmart, which I though was quite rude.
I couldn’t even ditch her with some succulent Taco-Bell food.
Alas, I was wrong, I was a pork chop in her eyes…
But I knew deep in my heart… I would never be between her thighs…
She hounded and gave great chase, now hold on let me make my case.
The only thing I could think of was to poop in my pants.
I thought this would make her turn her toothless glance.
So I hid in a dumpster with hopes of laying some pipe
When I sat there poised for poopin’ I smelt something ripe.
I knew with these luscious nuggets, that surely she was beat.
So I confronted her… gave her that old time cowboy stare…
Turned around… ripped down my pants… wait… nothing but AIR.
That damnable turd burgler, made me feel down hearted…
My crush was not misled, because I only farted.
20 years ago I married said thing, yes I made her my wife, she now wears my ring.
CRAP.
So you see my life is just this… one large embarrassment.
If you knew the beast that is my wife… you would know what I meant.
Wait… a smell… one of urinal cakes and dandruff… he is close…
I have something for him, which has festered 20 years… the building joy is producing happy tears…
I will squat now to poop a poop unequalled in the books.
I will lay the trap underneath, right before he looks….
My trap is simple and a baboon could surely succeed…
The problem I have is where I should have pooped.. I merely peed.
DAMN… stage fright.
Hey… look over there… right behind you… a hot chick… nice…
“Hey baby wanna party with a real man?”
“No…” “that smell? I do not know? Is it you?”
“Hmmm, wait I guess that is me… you see it like this… wait where are you going? Come back here…
Lots of grown men poop themselves... its called pants filling… it’s the craze in Europe…
Wait…” “ I love you…” B1TCH
Somewhere in the background you hear the maniacal laughter of the turd burglur.
for my buiddy LiquiD_SiN
As my memories dance… like fairies in the mist, my anger grows and now I am pissed.
For a man stole from me… he took that which was brown and gnarl…
He reached in my pants and stole a perfectly good hot Carl…
I have come to this wasteland looking for him, to make him pay.
The back alley at Denny’s I heard he was here today…
What is wrong with him? Of that, I am not completely sure.
I do know one thing though; my bare hands are the cure.
You see here is my problem, with the actions that he did.
Read no further weak of heart… it is not my fault if you did.
I had this thing… lets say of female persuasion,
Big and rotund… (if you get my insinuation)
She was not attractive, no not even for “LiquiD_SiN”
I mean I’ve seen the girls he likes and most look like him.
Wait… hold on… back to my original rants
(If I talk too much more LiquiD_SiN will wet his pants)
So we know she was ugly, and heavily endowed…
But unluckily for me she chose me from the crowd.
She chased me to Walmart, which I though was quite rude.
I couldn’t even ditch her with some succulent Taco-Bell food.
Alas, I was wrong, I was a pork chop in her eyes…
But I knew deep in my heart… I would never be between her thighs…
She hounded and gave great chase, now hold on let me make my case.
The only thing I could think of was to poop in my pants.
I thought this would make her turn her toothless glance.
So I hid in a dumpster with hopes of laying some pipe
When I sat there poised for poopin’ I smelt something ripe.
I knew with these luscious nuggets, that surely she was beat.
So I confronted her… gave her that old time cowboy stare…
Turned around… ripped down my pants… wait… nothing but AIR.
That damnable turd burgler, made me feel down hearted…
My crush was not misled, because I only farted.
20 years ago I married said thing, yes I made her my wife, she now wears my ring.
CRAP.
So you see my life is just this… one large embarrassment.
If you knew the beast that is my wife… you would know what I meant.
Wait… a smell… one of urinal cakes and dandruff… he is close…
I have something for him, which has festered 20 years… the building joy is producing happy tears…
I will squat now to poop a poop unequalled in the books.
I will lay the trap underneath, right before he looks….
My trap is simple and a baboon could surely succeed…
The problem I have is where I should have pooped.. I merely peed.
DAMN… stage fright.
Hey… look over there… right behind you… a hot chick… nice…
“Hey baby wanna party with a real man?”
“No…” “that smell? I do not know? Is it you?”
“Hmmm, wait I guess that is me… you see it like this… wait where are you going? Come back here…
Lots of grown men poop themselves... its called pants filling… it’s the craze in Europe…
Wait…” “ I love you…” B1TCH
Somewhere in the background you hear the maniacal laughter of the turd burglur.