Linux is easy... NOT!

[Private~Parts]

Here's something I found a while back, enjoy :~]

My experience with Linux is summed up in this Spoof of Linux.
Just for Grins....I still am using linux!

If Linux was a car...Sense of Humor required!

M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?

P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!

M: I need more help than that.

P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page
referenced by the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find
it, so can you.

GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a
radio.

M: Rebuild the engine?

P: You're an idiot!

GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's
mostly correct except that engine is in the rear. It's
translated from German, but they did a pretty good job. It'll
tell you to hook the radio to the red and black wires, but
since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't
forget to regrind the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an
error message that you don't have permission to change the
tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a lot of
tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully
and understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure
it all out in a couple of months.

[MUCH LATER...]

M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my
engine. Can I borrow your Drake again?

P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.

M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?

P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what
is called a CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go
right.

M: What about the gas and brakes?

P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type
ps | grep speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third
number is the one you want. Just divide by the speed of light
to get meters/second. You'll have to parse it out, calculate
the new speed and use the nice function to change the priority
of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.

M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a
hurry?

P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a
password. Enter the password and hang on cause you're gonna
stop real quick. I'm really proud of the deceleration
optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case sensitive.
If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes
group. It's all in the manpage.

M: Which manpage?....never mind...

[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]

M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to
town and pick up Granny....

P: You're an idiot!.....

 

[TheShiningWizard]

 

[anaemic]

i got linux the day before yesterday, god this is right, SO RIGHT

 

[Freon]

I'm pretty sure P stands for oogle

 

[Crowze]

Haha, funny stuff, but not quite as good as:

If Microsoft Built Cars


1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a
new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason;
accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and
fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some
strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as
reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only
run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to
their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced
with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars,
forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many
years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the
packaging would be supurb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what
happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their
engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point
fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you
could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engine Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be
slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would
only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes.
Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any
roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free,
including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11),
then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive
much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow
your friend's, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition
for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to
each other.

 

[spm1138]

Hadn't heard that (true) joke about Linux.

Here's a classic:

Three engineers were riding in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft software engineer. The car stalled, and they rolled it to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer popped the hood, looked in and said "Look. The drive belt is loose. All we have to do is tighten it up and the car will work just fine."

The chemical engineer replied "No, that's all wrong. The problem is fuel contamination. We have to drain the fuel, filter it, and then everything will be A-OK."

The Microsoft software engineer told the other two "No, I've seen this problem before. We have to get back in the car, close all the windows, shut down the car, get out, get back in, start up the car, open all the windows, and then it will run."

 

[Crowze]

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited to have
dinner with God. During dinner, God told them, "I invited you to
dinner, because I needed three important people to send my message
out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth!"

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I
have two really bad announcements to make. First, God really does
exist, and second, tomorrow He will destroy the Earth."

Clinton called an emergency session of Congress and told them, " I
have good news and bad news. The good news is that God does exist,
and the bad news is that he will destroy the Earth tomorrow."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft headquarters and told his people,
"I have two fantastic announcements! First, I am one of the three
most important people on Earth, and second, the Year 2000 problem
has been solved!"

 

[Private~Parts]

n1 Crowse

 

[Derelan]

i dont see what the big deal about linux is. it shouldnt take a day to figure out how to install downloaded programs.

 

[cleve-ntt]

Oh yes, I have about a 5% success rate with installing the ones you have to ./configure make and make install and RPMs, well, after spending hours on RPMfind lookingfor dependencies, you finally get it.

Its bloody stupid, I mean, they aint going to be able to compete with windows till they face up to the fact that newbies cant use consoles!!!!

In windows, you can just double click a single file and it will install, and hardly anything is dependant on anything else.

Oh yeah, generally, windows programs are one hell of a lot better (yet a lot more expensive).

There is quite a lot of other stuff hindering linux's progress as well.

I prefer linux to windows, but prefer windows.

 

[TheShiningWizard]

i dont see what the big deal about linux is. it shouldnt take a day to figure out how to install downloaded programs.

Using Linux =
8======================D

What always cracks me up is how so many Linux users say that they can't get Windows to be stable. As far as I'm concerned, that's largely their fault. I haven't seen a BSOD all year, and the only times I've ever had trouble with any Windows system since 3.1 was when Lady (who was a Unix system admin at Boeing) would do something stupid and fuck the whole system up. Of course, it was never her fault when she configured 50 programs to start on boot, or didn't uninstall old drivers when she put in new hardware, or deleted programs instead of uninstalling them and letting the registry clog up, and other silly things like that.

I find it ironic that Linux fanboys possess "superior intellect" because they use Linux, and yet they can't figure out how to make Windows run stably. You'd think that if Windows is designed for incredibly stupid people, those insanely intelligent Linux fanboys could figure out how to use it.

I'm sure Unixman or other more tech-savvy types could make a huge list of the technical superiorities Linux has on Windows (and I'm sure there are many) but I still say that Windows in itself (2000 and XP in particular) is easy to keep running as long as you know how to do some basic maintenance every couple weeks (or just get Norton Systemworks to do it for you every night ).

 

[Private~Parts]

I prefer linux to windows, but prefer windows.

I don't use windows except for games. Linux is a toy, there are little subliminal messages all over it and loads of tricks which make you go "aaaahhh" alot and that makes it a very addictive toy; almost like a game! Windows is a fantastic piece of software but I find it boring to use now, that's all.

 

[Hadmar]

Aah - Soul striptease - Today: I make love to my OS.

I find it ironic that Linux fanboys possess "superior intellect" because they use Linux, and yet they can't figure out how to make Windows run stably. You'd think that if Windows is designed for incredibly stupid people, those insanely intelligent Linux fanboys could figure out how to use it.

<smackdownmode=on>
Meh.
</smackdownmode>
(What did you expect? )

Microsoft writes crappy software. I base that on my experience; the countless hours I spent fixing (or trying to) errors that should never exist(*), both in my private life and at work. I'm not a [insert whatever here] fanboy, however.



(*)If you want to see something that's utterly retarded look up Outlook pst 2GB limit and what happens to your pst if you don't have the Office 2000 SP1 installed. Bugs like that are not acceptable periot. The size limit itself is hardly beliveable and it's still in XP... XP! What year is it again? 1995? (And yes I know they raised the limit to 20GB for Outlook 2003.)

 

[Cunubelin]

Adding fuel to the debate

Here are a few links to LinuxQuestions.org and their forum.
In there you will find both common sense and your average LinuxFanBoy behaviour modes so read and learn

Make Linux easier for the general population! Please

Bye bye Linux...


Alot of fun and annoying reading there!

 

[spm1138]

I am reading those threads now and I think Shiny Wizzard has it right on the pen0r size thing.

Those people like Linux difficult and obtuse. They think just wanting something that you can put in the computer and have work* is a personality flaw rather than the what 99% of endusers want.

Plus they still spell Microsoft with a Dollar $ign.

Bunch o' dorks.

* Sometimes Windows doesn't. In my experience both at home in an arsing about capacity and at work this is rarer than they would have you believe.

The troubles any given version Windows has put me to has always been much less than whatever Linux distro was out at the same time.

 

[Keganator]

Just spent about 7 hours this weekend installing a Gentoo system on my secondary box. Result: Network doesn't work, and I am missing (ie, have to get them later today) all the packages to install KDE, Apache, MySQL, and PHP. Whee! Besides, all I need for linux is for it to be a stable and reliable server for my programs. If it can do that, I'm happy. For most businesses in the world, that's all they want.

 

[CAVERNA2K]

I use both - Linux Conectiva 9 and Windows XP SP1 - ,
but only for basic functions, like internet, text editing...

I just cannot recall how was a goddammed time to make a single C/C++ compiler run on Linux*. I use Borland C++ 6 for Windows and VC++ too, so I´d expect a lot of stupid error messages to pop sometimes, BUT not. just uncheck all the dependencies of both compilers and it all works fine again.

For gaming forget Linux.(end)

*yes, I know: gcc -o <'exe' name here> <filename here...>
*yes, I also know VIM goddamit.

The main reason I like windows is the interface: I already know it by 'heart', I know witch systems/processes I can disable from the system, and so on. My windows starts up in less then 10 secs after I press the power button, Linux, instead, some 2 or more minutes. AND it´s no way better then windows, gives a few erros - like windows did all throught it´s hystory - has some "why it´s like this?" hidden things/functions.

Linux "fanboys", microsoft might be bad, but it´s still the main enterprise plataform for development.

 

[Hadmar]

"My windows starts up in less then 10 secs after I press the power button"
The logon screen dosn't mean Windows has finished loading.

"Linux "fanboys", microsoft might be bad, but it´s still the main enterprise plataform for development."
That's an argument for what?

 

[Derelan]

My windows starts up in less then 10 secs after I press the power button

i have a VB program that will actually report your boot time. Download the attachment, put uptime.exe in your startup folder (which windows executes last), and tell me what number it says, in milliseconds. Then i'll believe you.

*hides in shame for using VB*

 

[Private~Parts]

bash-2.05b$ uptime
21:57:09 up 4 days, 23:12, 1 user, load average: 0.00, 0.27, 0.57

edit: I had to restart 4 days ago to try the CoD demo on windows