Epic Games Announces Unreal III

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RaptoR

been here far too long
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Just days after the news of UT Codename "Envy", Epic Games has announced Unreal III, a new Unreal Engine 3 powered title to be released in late 2005, sending the Unreal franchise in an exciting new direction.

Here's the press release, direct from Epic HQ...



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
EPIC
GAMES ANNOUNCES UNREAL III AND AN INCREDBLE NEW DIRECTION FOR THE UNREAL FRANCHISE
"Freedom leaves a gooey trail..." - New Single-Player Title

to Feature Slugs, Space Clowns.
RALEIGH, NC, USA (April 1st 2005) Epic Games has announced today the latest
highly-anticipated sequel in the popular Unreal franchise - Unreal 3: Slug Saga
- The Adventures of Ne'ban! The highly-anticipated Unreal 3 takes gamers into
the mysterious past of their favorite royal alien parasite inside the body of
a giant slug, TCA pilot Ne'ban, last seen being blown to smithereens at the
end of Unreal 2.

U3:SS-TAoNB sees the return not only of that giant slug from Unreal 2, but
also the dastardly space-clown Mr. Crow, first seen in Unreal Tournament 2003
and often described as a cross between Michael Jackson and a swiss army knife.
"Mr. Crow is the ****." said Lead Designer Biff Cleszinski, "I
mean seriously, who'd want to **** with an undead space clown with a giant codpiece,
a hat made of human flesh and spiky blades of death on the end of each finger.
He's the perfect villain, and makes the Skaarj queen look like a lovable little
kitten."
The highly-anticipated sequel will feature intricate, story-driven non-linear
gameplay, allowing a gamers to take an infinite number of paths through the
adventure. "Basically, you go around collecting Nali Rabbits" said
Producer Peeve Stolge, "but our writers are working on a compelling story
that will take players on an emotional roller-coaster ride, climaxing with the
death of our hero's only friends at the end of the game... again. Dang."
The game's first half, according to Mr. Stolge, centers around "Ne'ban
trying to find the 235 Nail rabbits hidden around the planet Varkon 7 within
about 18 hours, or he will be attacked by a salt-wielding Mr. Crow, who is secretly
hiding the rabbits in an attempt to draw Ne'ban closer to him so he can salt
him, sautee him, and serve him with a little bit of white wine sauce, a sprig
of amazingly-lifelike parsley and some escargot." Mr.
Stolge then ate a donut.

U3:SS-TAoNB will feature streamlined single-player action, taking a break from
previous Unreal titles... "We wanted to create a game that would both engross
the player and get rid of the fat," designer Derek Trams said "Unreal
2's failures seemed to be that it had too much "stuff" to do, and
not enough pure rabid carnage." First to go on this list of "stuff"
is the unpopular jumping feature that plagued players of Unreal II: The Awakening.
Unreal 3's Lead Level Designer Biff Cleszinski has a simple answer to any disgruntled
fans... "He's a ****ing slug, dip****s! Since when can slugs ****ing jump?
Jesus H mother****ing Christ, no wonder you guys didn't get Bombing Run, you're
all ****ing retards!"
Key Game Features Include:

* A blast from the past! Popular locations such as that underwater maze bit
from Unreal 1, that foggy forest level from Unreal II: The Awakening and the
enigmatic DM-Pyramid from Unreal Tournament are back!
* Epic Games' patented SlugFart(tm) technology. When his health drops below
25%, our hero has the ability to rely on extreme flatulence to defend himself
from foes. Activated similarly to UT2004's adrenaline combos, SlugFart launches
Ne'ban into the air, obliterating anything below him with noxious gas.
* Estimated 1000 paths through the game, each with the main character being
blown to smithereens at the end.
* Intense first-person shooter action across 60 unique and laggy alien worlds.
* Play as Ne'ban the Space Slug and save the lovable little Nali Rabbits,
or play as Mr. Crow the evil Space Clown and sacrifice them to Satan for bonus
points!
* Intense multiplayer action! Play against your friends as either Ne'ban or
Mr. Crow!









Unreal 3: Slug Saga - The Adventures of Ne'ban is expected to arrive on PC
and Xbox 2 this holiday season, and carries an ESRB rating of "M"
for "m0tarded".



Be sure to hit the comments link at the top of this post and tell us what you think of this announcement.
 

Selerox

COR AD COR LOQVITVR
Nov 12, 1999
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UK thing, move along, theres nothing to see here :)

First Screenshot said:
Is this the way to Amarillo?

HAAAAHAHAHAHA :tup:

CliffyB said:
"He's a ****ing slug, dip****s! Since when can slugs ****ing jump? Jesus H mother****ing Christ, no wonder you guys didn't get Bombing Run, you're all ****ing retards!"

Holy **** that's funny :lol:
 
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_Lynx

Strategic Military Services
Staff member
Dec 5, 2003
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When I looked at live bookmark, I thought that it's true, but when I read the name of the game I got it. :lol: Last year's joke was much more lifelike. I managed to repost it on main russian community site before I remembered what date it was. Nayway I just said that I liked that joke so much, that I felt that I must joke on our community :D
 

Lewis

New Member
May 1, 2003
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Yeah... thats kinda of a bad april fools joke.


Still not as bad as the Starwars Galaxies new Combat Upgrade Beta. They're delaying it and delaying it and its not even funny :(
 

SirYawnalot

Slapping myself in the face
Jan 17, 2004
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While this was pretty obvious even if you just read the headline, it's all so completely hilarious (a work of genius, I would say) that I do actually wish it was real. I'd probably be even more excited about it than UT3. :p
 
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