Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:

[QUALTHWAR]

40-ish ........................ 49
Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking .......... Moooo
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure ... On medication
Feminist .................... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first .......... Former slut
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs
Open-minded ............. Desperate
Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing
Professional .............. Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Huge frame ............... Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

 

[Rabid Wolf]

aye

 

[Rukee]

 

[[DecoY]]

personal experience, Qualth?

 

[Nachimir]

Not jealous = Jealous.
Jealous = Insanely jealous.

 

[Frisket]

Beware the ones saying, "deeply religious!" You ain't gettin' any then!

 

[GMotha]

40-ish ........................ 49
Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking .......... Moooo
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure ... On medication
Feminist .................... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first .......... Former slut
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs
Open-minded ............. Desperate
Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing
Professional .............. Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Huge frame ............... Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

Facts.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Here’s to swimmin’ with bowlegged women.

 

[OO7MIKE]

I agree with most of those and they even apply to men too.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I agree with most of those and they even apply to men too.

you might want to read that list over again.

 

[Stilgar]

I have a similar conversion list for work...

'Thank you *enter own name here*' - You don't say please and thank you for evey little thing I do even though I'm paid to do it, and that makes you a typical impolite male

'NO, I can lift this heavy stuff myself even though I hurt my back today. No, I can do it' - I'm a stubborn, attention seeking cow. You're going to cover for me tomorrow because my back hurts so much I can't stand for long.

'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' - I'm going to irritate you by playing ****ty club music like 'j-lo' and '50 cent' at full volume on a crappy portable radio. When you get annoyed and turn it down, saying something like '****ing club music gives me a headache' I'm going to excuse my selfishness by calling you 'a hater', as if it actually means something and isn't just another bull**** idiom that I heard on tv

'Did you remember to tell the customer on the phone who you were?' - I'm going to second guess you all night on blatantly obvious tasks because it's that time of the month and all males are idiots.

'You never answer the phone' - I'm a gossip and so instinctivley try to answer the phone as soon as it rings.

'Whatever happened to gentleman?' You have to be polite to me because I'm female.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

dood! you need a new gig! ever thought about being a fisherman? like that old sea captain in the movie jaws. you could drink beer and crush cans, and you could shoot at big sharks and drive around in a butt-ugly boat all day.

All that salt air could clear your head, and maybe rust your boat out like a bad bathtub. But at least you could say "ARR" to people on the street and they wouldn't look at you funny.

Or maybe an astronaut. I think they make good money. Of course it would be hard to cast a fishing line all the way down to earth from the space shuttle, but you could forego that and be a space captain and then they wouldn't look at you funny if you floated around and said "ARR."

 

[QUALTHWAR]

ARR!

 

[Stilgar]

You know... I think you're right.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

you already have that sailor suit thing going for you. it would be an easy transition.

 

[Stilgar]

If I became a Russian citizen then maybe I could get both jobs in the bag. They let dogs in space, right?

 

[QUALTHWAR]

i don't know if they still do that. but i think they still let apples into space.

 

[Bot_40]

...

 

[ReD_Fist]

I totaly agree with this one
Professional .............. Bitch

 

[Stilgar]

i don't know if they still do that. but i think they still let apples into space.

Shame... apple costumes don't suit my figure.