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[ahem] i'll get me coat....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by apesgrapes, Jul 27, 2003.

  1. apesgrapes

    apesgrapes ambidextrous

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    late last saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
    it was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.

    then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......


    bump........

    bump........


    bump........


    startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.


    bump........


    bump........


    bump........


    he froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
    clearly....it was a coffin.

    not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.


    bump........


    bump........


    bump........


    he could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........


    bump........bump......


    bump........bump..


    bump........bump......


    the coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......


    bump........bump...bump...


    bump........bump...bump...


    bump........bump...bump...


    he started to sprint, but so did the coffin ........


    bump...bump...bump...bump.


    bump...bump...bump...bump.....


    bump...bump...bump...bump.


    eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys.
    his hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. he shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.

    suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. the force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    in horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........


    bump...screech...hop..bump...screech...hop...


    bump...screech...hop...bump...screech...hop...


    bump...screech...hop...bump...screech...hop...


    the coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. with an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.....

    the coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
    terrified lad.


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    bump...screech...bump.screech...


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    in a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......

    he grabbed a bar of imperial leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came ........


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    he grabbed his can of lynx deodorant and threw it .........still it came......


    bump...screech...bump.screech...


    he grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......


    bump...screech...bump...screech...


    he grabbed some benelyn cough mixture and threw it........


    the coffin stopped.
     
  2. w00p

    w00p Windows at its best

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    hahaha .. ha ... har :con:
    What is that supposed to be?
    A joke or something? (I know its no political discussion this time :p)
    Not funny, nor entertaining, simply useless text...
    -Would you like some spam with your coffe?
    *only sugar
    -Oki, one coffee with spam coming up.
    *I asked for sugar
    -Check the menu, nothing but spam!
    \o/ to be continued \o/
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2003
  3. OM {god}

    OM {god} holding his floppy

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    LMAO at that joke!
    its so auful i laffed! :lol:
     
  4. Nurulwai

    Nurulwai ...

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    hahaha :)

    (at both the joke, and predator's reply :p)
     
  5. tool

    tool BuFs #1 mom

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    you really are your average joe if you didnt get the last bit which is why it was so funny.

    anyways... :lol:
     
  6. Twisted Metal

    Twisted Metal Anfractuous Aluminum

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    Ok it was way too long of a read to be funny with that one tiny little punch line. Jokes are supposed to be quick, to catch you by suprise. That was like reading a whole story and finally getting to one of the cheesiest punch lines in existence.
     
  7. Zarkazm

    Zarkazm <img src="http://forums.beyondunreal.com/images/sm

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    This must be the worst pun I ever read.
     
  8. w00p

    w00p Windows at its best

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    Continued from last episode of S.P.A.M.
    -Actually, there is no coffe, only spam...
    *Spam with two spoons of spam then. Ooh, and a cookie.
    -spam with two spoons of spam, and a spam-i-licious, our best cookie
     
  9. Fluid

    Fluid Zen fascists will control you

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    Okay, that pun WAS cheesy. :p
     
  10. Nemephosis

    Nemephosis Earning my Infrequent Flier miles

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    You're the only one spamming here, predator, not him....
     
  11. Rodzilla

    Rodzilla PuF Fossil

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    Those types of jokes are better in person. I have a coffin variation where there's three brothers living in their recently deceased father's house. It goes on for about 10 minutes before you hear the punchline, at which point everyone you told it to jumps you at once...
     
  12. apesgrapes

    apesgrapes ambidextrous

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    i liked it, but fair enough - thread title was a warning. at least predator not getting the joke was funny.
     
  13. Nemephosis

    Nemephosis Earning my Infrequent Flier miles

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    now THAT was hilarious :D
     
  14. Synastren

    Synastren Explodious!

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    I don't get the joke, but I'm not going to cause a ruckus about it. :)
     
  15. Rodzilla

    Rodzilla PuF Fossil

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    He uses a coughdrop to stop the coffin...coffin'...coffing....coughing....
     
  16. laserL

    laserL Banned

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    hilarious
     

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