the story of the starship 'uss eternaty'

[8-4-7-2]

Tactical Officer's log Stardate 58954221023.7

We are only 1.67 lightyears, or 2 hours away from the Tauron system. There, according to the Captain, we will get our first mission.
I studied Captain Cascade plans for henke and came to the conclusion that they are very promising. I leave to exact specifications and the realization to Chief Engineer MoyDoy and Lt. Cmd. Skumboy. I think they will perform well on this task, which is vital for the upcoming combats.

Lt. Cmd. MoyDoy informed of another problem. The Nililistic crystals in our warpcore are destablizing, and we forgot to supply us with enough craytals in Veridian III spacedocks.
But MoyDoy already searched for replacements and discovered resources on Xuarta. However this planet is said to be inhabited by a evil species called Canadians. We might need henke to beat them. Therefor we must have enhanced him when we arrive on Xuarta. But it first we have to accomplish a mission on Tauron!

personal log:

There are rumors on the ship that we will be sent to the front in the heating earth - skarjj conflict. I hope it's only a rumor. because a notice that the senior crew gets more and more nervous, icluding me

COMPUTER: Open all hail frequencies

This the USS Etarnaty. We still hire qualified and motivated personell.
See the galaxy, meet interesting people, and kill them

We search for a Doctor (no experience needed), security officers and a helmsman. If you are intersested contact us and we will take you!

 

[Vortex]

Commander's log stardate 5726916489712642817642839468164191306357621983657982365872611756238.8:

Unfortunately we have now run out of power in our Nihilistic crystals. Thankfully we have a backup system in the form of lot's of pikachus generating electricity. These creatures shall be dismembered once we have fresh crytals so we won't have to put with their constant "pikachuing" for much longer. This however makes me worry. This means that there may be a temporal anomoly somewhere on the ship that is allowing some pokemon to escape into our universe. This anomoly must be sealed as soon as possible.

Memo to oneself:

There may an error in this new stardate recording system. I suggest changing back to the previous method.

 

[CaSCaDe]

Captains log stardate 54352342,4:

i have recieved word from my chief enginere that we will not be able to go any further with out resuplying our nililistic cristals, as w e now run on pickachu power i forsee that this problem will be dealt with in no time.

my attention goes out to the space time anomaly reported by commander Vortex, i have no idea what to do about it.
i sugest to get away as fast as possible to not let those critters interfere with our vitale systems.
i am sure that this situation will be in good hands wwith commander Vortex.

i on the other hand have to think about the next course of action.
as i have recived word from starfleet with orders to set course for the sjkaar homeworld -that god forsaken place- to luanch the initial attack.
this would under any other sucomtances be no probleme but with my crew not entirly up and running i must proceed this matter with causion.
an other probleme to these orders are that our weapon system henke is not jet fully recovered from our encounter with the lorg, i wury that we might have to reject the orders for the sake of this ship.
i will need to discuse this with the my senior officers.

then there is the matter of the tuaron high cousil who will not be pleased if we don't show up.
i will need to try convice starfleet that the mission to sjkaaria is not a very good idea for the sake of the eternaty as well for the reputation of starfleet to the tuaron high counsil.

this is not an easy task.

CaSCaDe out.

 

[8-4-7-2]

TO's log. Stardate 55126985,3

With our last energy reserves and on pickachu power, we managed to reach Xuarta, where MoyDoy thinks we'll find Nililistic crystals. We are now in a standart orbit. Due to our lack of energy the ship operates in mode grey: All luxeries like holodecks, showers, and haeting are shut off. If it comes worst we must also shut off vital systems like light, artificial gravity or even life support.

If we have to fight against the Canadians, we may need henke. I'll request a report from engineering, how far his repairs are.

I suggest we sent a heavily armed away team to the surface at first, to see if we meet resistance. A full range attack from the orbit can is still a option then...

This is a critical situation, and the future of this ship and even mankind itself are determined by the decision we make in the next days.

 

[MoyDoy]

Chief Engineers log stardate: 528365.2

I am pleased that the captain has taken our lack of Nihilistic crystals sriously and that we have arrived at Xaurta.
The repairs on henke are running smoothly and he should be up and running soon. I will suggest that the captain will let me go on with the surface team as I have encountered the canadians a few times in my spam-pirate career. I believe that my knowledge of them will be most useful.

 

[henke]

cyborg cannonball's log. stardate:4562634.853%

i got an idea with the pikachus, if we could take all explosives and nuclear warheads off me and repace them with the pikachus. i coul proabably be used as an EMP. and only disabling the enemy to use anything electric, thus letting us easily board their ships and take all we need.
But we then might need some soldiers of some sort to take the enemy crew out.

But the pikachus are very well powered and the powa proabably needs to be researched before it can be used properly.

but imagine the possabilities, all the metal, energy, weapons, ships we can need.

over and out.

 

[CaSCaDe]

Catains log stardate 54543543,6:

the idea i recieved from henke to adapt the pickatupower to make him a emp weapon is very apealing, however i am not sertain tha that the entire crew will be pleased to have the little critters aboard, o well i will need to examine this possibilaty, good work henke.

as for te request of my chief enginere moydoy i most inform him he will be on the away team to recover the crystals.
as he has some experiance with these so called Canadians i think he will do fine.

i have given my science officer the order to research the possiblilaty that we might turn the monkey feces he found a few days ago in to a usable fuel in the case our crystal dry again.
he will need to study on this.

CaSCaDe out.

personal log:

again i have recieved word from starfleet to travel to sjkaaria and i tryed to explain our situation, they were unwilling to listen.
if they realy want us to go into battle in this condision and start a war with the tuarons at the same time i am afraid i will need to start a mutany against starfleet, lets hope it does not come come that far.

CaSCaDe out.

 

[8-4-7-2]

Tactical Officer's log. Stardate 5896621.54892145

Our misery doesn't end. Longrange sensors detected transwarp lanes, most probably of Lorg ships! Maybe they search for Captain Dickard, who still sits in our prison.
On my advice the Eternaty is hidding over the magnetic poles of the planet. I hope this will make us invisible for Lorg sensors.

As we run out of energy and time, me and MoyDoy formed the away team. I would have taken Skumboy too, but is very busy to explore a new energy resource: monkey feces.

MoyDoy will be a creat help, because of his previous encounters with Canadians and his detailed knowledge of Nililistic crystals. We equiped ourselves with mark-5.8 phaser rifles, cartonium-handgrenades and bright, colourful protection suits (I hope this will distract and confuse the canadians).
When this log ends we are standing in the transporter room and say "energize"...

Supplemental:

I'm not pleased with the thought, that all this pikachus are running between my feet, Therefor I worked out a plan. Skumboy could develop a few stasis chambers were the pickachus are hold when not needed. If they are unconcious they can't harm or disturb us. The only problem is the energy we need for the stasis fields. Perhaps our new monky fece powerplant can provide enough energy for it...

Supplemenatl 2:

I noticed the time anomaly Commander Vortex, warned us about. I made a cup of coffee in my room and went to toilet. When I returned the cup was empty. Either it was a distortion in the time-space-continuum or somone drunk my coffee!

[Edited by 8-4-7-2 on 08-04-2000 at 12:11 PM]

 

[MoyDoy]

Chief engineers log stardate: 321658.9

Almost imidiately after me and 8-4-7´s arrival on the surface we were attacked and knocked uncounsius by the canadians. We are now hostages and the canadians have toled me that we will not be released unless the Eternaty attacks and destroys the population of the nearby planet McDonald´s. The creatures on the planet are called americans and the canadians are at war with them. The americans are wastly greater in numbers but the technolgy they use does not beat the canadian or ours. I can only hope that the captain can make the right decision in this matter, as i know that the canadians are seious. We will most likely be killed if the americans are not dealt with.

 

[Vortex]

Commander's log stardate 5686362.9:

I have succeeded in seeking out the disturbance that was allowing the pikachus to escape into our universe. I will need to use some equipment from the science labs to close it. This will have to happen soon as more pokemon are escaping into the ship. Thankfully they are too idiotic to notice me so they can be killed with ease...at the moment.

Unfortunately, I have detected that the disturbance is putting great pressure on the ship's hull and we could easily have a hull breach on our hands if we do not act quickly.

Oh, I let that Jiggly|PuF| escape.

end log.

 

[8-4-7-2]

8472' personal log Stardate 666

It can't get worse. Me and MoyDoy were overwhelmed by the canadians, when we began searching for chrystals. We are now held oin wodden cages somewhere in the endless forsts of Xuarta.The suddenly came out of nowhere and beat us with their hockeysticks. no we don't know what's going on with the Eternaty. I'm sure Captain Cascade is already planning a rescue mission. If he does I hope he prepares it better than we! If not he can try to attack Mac Donalds. But considering the Lorg traces I detected and our persisting lack of energy this is no pleasing option.
Oh no the canadians............they are coming again........ARGGGGGGGHH............NOOOOOOOOO.........

 

[CaSCaDe]

Captains log stardate 67475583,6:

i am in great distrase1
my to and ce have been taken hostoge by the evil canadians, the pokemon treat is still not delth with, there might be a lorg invasion and the starfleet/tuasron matter is still out there!
what should i do?????

i havent recieved word from my science officer to so i dont know if the monkey feces will be a new power source, if they arent we have a BIG problem!
we don't even have the power to keep up live support let alone try to take on the americans.

what should i do?

i wish my science officer and first officer where here to support me in this matter!
further logs might not be possible untill the power has returned!
CaSCaDe out

supplemental:

i only hope that my to and ce have layed there hands on 1 or 2 cristals cuse i am thinking of a despirate kamikaze attack on the canadians.
i should say rescue attemp cuse we dont have the power for a full scale attack.
i havce saved some power for an emergansy transport, and as far as we could see the canadians dont have transporter capabilaties yet, so they dont have the technology to block a transport to.
i just hope my officers have some cristals so we can whipe out those pescy canadian treath so we can get more cristals from the surface so that we can with stand the lorg invasion squad with oour henke(he has been ofline for a while now but with the new cristals he will be up and running in no time)
i adition with the canadian elimination we might travel to the near world of mc donalds to make friends with the canadians(and maybe a life time of free burgers)
if this plan works most of our problems will go over.
even the pokemon invasion(we need power to seal the rift)
The only problem then will be the starfleet/tuaron thing, but i'll see aboput that later.
first i need to get rit of the problemes at hand.

CaSCaDe out

 

[The Dopefish]

Annoyingly Persisting Holodeck Character log 64H!

GAH! No one has gone on the Holodeck yet! Oh well, I'll just have to amuse myself with monkey porn, fish porn, Pokemon porn and various other types of porn until then.

 

[SkummyB|BuF]

Skumboys log: 90389084839289328493274328974837297489327483274328974832784932748932743

I set up the stasis chamber for the pikachus, I felt sorry for the little beggers, so i let them loose for a while but they began to breed, i started recording the mating habbits, sadly this has resulted in me becoming known across the ship as "The Lord of Pikachu Porn". *sigh* I guess it is something I must live with. However it wasn't as bad as the fate which happened to creatoR, who was actually caught watching the footage

 

[The Dopefish]

APHC log H3110!

After learning that the ship's resident Pikachu curator has been called "Lord of Pikachu Porn," I've set out to make myself "Lord of the female Nidoran porn." Tests, although failures, have made me give up human porn.

 

[Cap'n Beeb]

Starlog 4:20

Personal Log 4:20

While hunting the evil canadians today I stumbled across some of these odd beings being held captive. Excited by this new find, and the chewy/yummy flesh of the canadians, I let loose with my anti-matter device which looks oddly like a 20th centry Glock 21 for some reason, and proceeded to munch on the rare cooked flesh of my evil enemies. Before leaving I noticed the two odd looking humans, which reminded me of my race, the Americans. Hmmm, perhaps I can lend my canadian-*** kicking talents to you peoples?

 

[Vortex]

commanders log supplemental:

I finally have some good news. The specialist equipment needed to shut down the portal has arrived and all I need to do now is wait for the power levels to be restored. I have even struck up a deal with some of the more co-operative Pokemon. They will donate some of their own feces (which they have told us have twice the power of monkey feces) in exchange for permission to use the empty quarters of the Etarnaty as broadcast centres for their "adult" Pokemon broadcasts. Skumboy and The Dopefish will be assisting in the productions of these broadcasts.

We may even be able to persuade them into retrieving our captured crewmembers from those damn canadians.

end log

 

[The Dopefish]

APHC log H0 7R41N

I decided that the whole female Nidoran lesbian thing just wasn't working, so I decided to check out some more Misty porn.

 

[MoyDoy]

Chief engineers log stardate: 321658.9

An american on loose on Xaurta has killed the canadians that holds me and 8-4-7-2 captive. I am not sure what his intensions are but i hope he will be of use to us on this godforsaken world.

 

[8-4-7-2]

Tactical Officer's log. Stardate 595129564.2

MoyDoy and me were rescued by a strange hunter, who introduced himself to us as beerbaron. He came no time too soon. I think the canadians just wanted to have lunch: us!
It was a pleasure to see how quickly and merciless the canadians were killed.

After our rescue beerbaron helped us too find some Nililistic crystals. With MoyDoys experience it was easy to exploit this resources. We loaded our bags with as much crystals we could carry: approximatly 160 pounds. Then we beamed back to the Eternaty and MoyDoy rushed to engineering like a burning weasel. He currently installs the crystals into the main power core. In one or two days most of our power problems will be over. First analyses of their structur and purity show that they can supply us with enregy for 1.3 years.
Concerning beerbaron: I think he will be an excllent security officer, but I if he doesn't like this rank, he can tell it.

Supplemental:

During our absence a holo character known as Dopefish appeared on holodeck 6. I still wonder how this was possible with the holodecks offline! Until now we weren't able to make a civilized conversation with him. He only spammed about porn.
As is only able to stay in section equiped with holo emitters (the holodecks and sickbay) he could act as Doctor. our current EMH can't hold a scalpel !

The Captain thinks the lorg subspace signals which are still on the sensors, are sign of a upcoming invasion.
I hope this is false. For all we know they may only search for Captain Dickard. He is still sitting in the brig on deck 26.