Medical School and My Brother.

[Philophobos]

Goddamn it.

A little over a year ago, my older brother got accepted to medical school. It was a happy time. The only problem was that the medical school was in Iowa, and we are in Oklahoma, so I was going to miss him.

That first semester, a lot of shit went down and he ended up in the hospital for suicidal depression. My parents went up to stay with him for awhile, then it was decided that he would move back here for the summer to recouperate and then try again in the fall semester. Summer came and went and then he went back to Iowa to try again. Things were going better this time. He was having a hell of a time with his courses, but at least he wasn't out of his mind with depression anymore.

My mom just called to say that he has failed two of his five courses and that he doesn't know if he is going to be allowed back in.

I've never been so scared for my brother in my life. I just don't know what this is going to do to him. Even before tonight, my heart jumped everytime I got a call later in the evening than usual; I always half expect it to be one of my parents telling me that my brother isn't with us anymore.

I've taken my fair share of psych courses; I know depression is an illness just the same as the flu, that it happens to people, that it's not their fault. But that doesn't help me know what the fuck I need to do to help him. Do I tell him that becoming a doctor isn't worth all this shit (one his professors is proud that he was able to flunk a student that had already obtained a PhD), to give up? I hate to encourage him to give up on a dream, but I also don't want the stress to literally kill him.

I'm glad he's coming back home for Christmas break, but I just wish I knew what to do...Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

Anyway, thanks for listening...any prayers/good vibes/etc. are much appreciated.

 

[Crowze]

I can offer some advice here, I've been in a similar situation (although I didn't have to go quite as far as hospital). I won't lecture you on my circumstances, at least not yet, I'm not up to essay writing at the moment.

If your brother is getting depressed to the point that it's affecting his grades, he should quit university. He's obviously not enjoying there, and by the looks of things won't get much out of it, so there's little reason to stay, There are always alternatives in the meantime (I've just got a systems admin job that'll last me until I go back to uni next year), and always other options to get where he wants to (i.e. other universities) - there's no need to give up on his dream, but delaying it by a year will probably do him a lot of good.

Anyway, the worst kind of thing is to force him into a decision, but that's what I'd reccommend, along with whatever brotherly support you can give. If you or him needs any advice or anything, feel free to ask.

 

[TheWhaleShark]

Crowze summed it up pretty well; I, too, have been in a similar situation, and don't particularly feel like going in to it right now. It wouldn't really matter anyhow, but I do know where your brother is at.

Quitting Uni is obvious; he'll just get gradually more frustrated at his inability to keep his grades up, and that'll further exacerbate any depression. The best thing you can do is be there for him. Don't thrust it on him; he'll have to want to come to you with any problems. If you try to force it out of him, you'll just drive him further away. So, make sure he knows you support him, and be there for him as much as possible. Give advice where it seems pertinent, and just tough it out. Suicidal depression is something with which one can deal, given enough time and support.

If you want some more in-depth advice, feel free to ask. This is a tough thing, so if either you or your brother need help, you've got it here too.

 

[MP_Lord_Kee]

I agree with Crowze and TWS, quitting uni might work out ok. I did it (albeit I took way too many years to finally quit at uni...), and after that things have worked out just great. I'm full time employed with decent sallary, and currently studying for an engineering degree in the evenings. Before that I studied another degree also while at work. I was a mess while staying in the uni but after taking that final step and quit the whole thing life turned good for me.

Hope things work out ok!

//Kee

 

[Philophobos]

Thanks guys. I truly appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts and advice.

He came over to my place this evening. He seems to be in exceptionally high spirits, all things considered. I can tell he is emotionally and physically drained though.

His plan is pretty much to go to the meeting the school has set up for him to determine whether they're going to let him back in, and if they let him back in, great. If not, he'll tell'em to fuck off and then he'll look for a different med school.

I'm surprised he's not feeling hopeless, to tell you the truth. Less than a year ago, this would have been the end of the world to him. God, I'm glad to see he's doing better.

Again, thank you.

 

[-Snakebite-]

Glad to hear it approx, I always find it difficult to comment in these kinds of situations, but I hope everything works out.