Okay, so for reasons unknown even to myself, I just spent the last hour and a half penning a 1,387-word article on the Lamborghini Countach for UrbanDictionary.
What is even more sad than this Mount Olympus of pathetic geekiness is that it turned out to be five-and-a-half times too long for submission. In order to avoid pulling a First Episode Of Princess in uncontainable frustration (google 'Matt Stone Trey Parker Princess' if you're in a thoroughly nsfw-friendly environment and have a cast-iron tolerance for sick masturbation-derived depravity), I decided to post it up here instead.
Not because I expect anyone to read it, because let's face it, it's unlikely that anyone on the planet shares my stratospheric level of lust for this car and any information pertaining to it. But because I must post it somewhere for the sake of my sanity.
So, here goes...
Countach
Main Definition
Probably the very greatest automobile in the illustrious history of homo sapiens, the Lamborghini Countach is one of the earliest and most iconic mid-engined V12 supercars.
Conceived in the infinite mindspace of God himself, the now-legendary wedge-shaped design of the Countach was passed down into the consciousness of 32-year-old Bertone employee and proud Italian Marcello Gandini some time around 1970 AD.
As it so happened, the car company of Feruccio Lamborghini was in a state not dissimilar to that which lay between Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. They'd (metaphorically) stunned their peers with a most triumphant voyage through time and quite possibly the most bodacious history report in the history of the planet.
But having graduated high school with the ground-breaking Miura, they'd yet to really learn how to play. Just as Alex Winter and Keanu Reaves blew up amplifiers as quickly as they could obtain them, so early Miuras tended to become airborne above 145mph and would occasionally burst into flames.
The trouble was that the Miura had been rushed through principal photography so quickly that it would never be perfect, no matter how much post-production it went through. The decision was soon made to move on to the sequel.
Marcello Gandini had previously penned that legendary car for Lamborghini -as well as the Espada, Islero and soon the Urraco and Jarama- so it was a no-brainer to employ the young maestro on styling the new flagship supercar. When the prototype LP500 Countach finally appeared in 1971, it stunned the world almost as much as the Miura had done five years earlier - a concept car for the real world.
At the same time, the Miura was finally developed into a world-class car with the SV model (which is now the most valuable Lamborghini model ever), but it was too late. Mixing my metaphores, the DeLorean time machine was perfected just before being outmoded by that big-ass flying steam train.
To ensure the car was just right from the outset this time around, lots of time was taken to fettle the Countach before it hit the road, and the first production-ready model was unveiled in 1973. It turned out to be the last car ever to see development under the ownership of Feruccio Lamborghini. Due to a disaster with his tractor company, he was forced to sell Automobili Lamborghini the following year. The following owners did a horrific job of managing the once-prosperous marque, leading the company into financial ruin and eventual bankruptcy.
Despite the internal turmoil, a modest number of Countachs were still produced each year (to put things in context, around 400 were built between '74 and '82, whereas about 100 Pagani Zondas have been built to date).
The company finally saw decent management again under new ownership in 1981, and in '85 the Countach received its biggest mechanical update. This coincided with the financial boom, and a ludicrous 1300 cars were built between 1985 and 1990.
Anyway, getting back to the car...
Contrary to the claims made at the time, the '70s Countachs weren't actually faster than the Miura - despite the superior engineering, the LP400 had similar power to its predecessor and was significantly heavier.
That said, it was still the ultimate performance car of the time, and it took a *decade* for a true rival to appear.
None of the Miura's nasty quirks affected the Countach, it had a decent amount of space for the driver, and it was even reasonably reliable for a 20th century Italian performance car. So despite the legendarily horrendous visibility ("if you need to look anywhere but straight ahead, you're not going fast enough!") and impracticality (the gearlever was removable to help smash the windscreen if the car ever flipped upside-down - the only exit route thanks to the vertical scissor doors), the Countach is generally considered a much better car than its predecessor.
To cap off, here's a rundown of the various iterations of the Countach over the course of its 19-year lifespan.
-1971 LP500 prototype: utterly stark and brutal, this thing is literally just a wedge with wheels. It's also the first Lamborghini ever to feature scissor doors, which have now become a company trademark. This one-off car was later destroyed in crash testing.
-1973 LP400: for cooling purposes, the first production version of the Countach sprouted extra air vents, and was downgraded to a Miura-like 4-litre V12 instead of the 5-litre of the prototype. The LP400 is the most visually recognisable of the Countachs on sale today (it doesn't have the extended wheelarches, and the roof has a curious periscope mechanism for the rearview mirror), and commands by far the highest prices. 157 were built, although for some reason the first customer cars weren't delivered until the following year.
-1978 LP400S: this first update added cutting-edge fat tyres, which in turn required the extended wheelarches which adorned every subsequent model. Supposedly this update greatly improved grip and road-holding. Additionally it introduced the absolutely hideous optional rear wing which nearly every Countach from this point on seems to be befouled by. Officially this was supposed to improve handling, but in reality it has no positive effect and merely serves to make the car slower and much less pretty. 237 400S's were built.
-1982 5000S: this model finally saw the introduction of a larger engine, although despite the designation it's actually 4.7 litres - still smaller than the original prototype...
321 5000S's were built.
-1985 5000S Quattrovalvole: Ferrari had finally launched a true rival to the Countach with the Testarossa, and Lamborghini responded with the CT's most significant update, transforming the performance into an absolute monster (for the record, the QV is indeed significantly faster than the Testarossa - although the Ferrari certainly offered a great deal more comfort and useability).
The engine was further expanded in size and upgraded with four valves per cylinder, boosting power from the 5000S's 375bhp to a monstrous 420bhp.
The bigger engine required a large hump in the bodywork just behind the rear window, reducing the Countach's already-hilarious rear visibility to effectively zero. To park the beast, you really do need to open the door and perch on the sill.
Still, this revision of the Countach coincided with the '80s supercar boom, and with its 14-year legacy and still-dominant performance it proved very popular. 610 were sold during its short lifespan, making it the most successful Lamborghini year-by-year in the company's history at the time.
The Countach was only truly eclipsed by the cutting-edge, super-expensive carbonfibre Ferrari F40 which arrived in '87, but it still featured prominently and favourably in many group tests during the period.
-1988 25th Anniversary/Anniversario: despite the name, this model is actually widely considered to be a bit of a monstrosity, and I don't believe it carries a premium over any other Countach model despite being the most mechanically developed. The main reason is the nasty, nasty bodykit, designed by then-employee Horacio Pagani (yes, the very man who took his Lamborghini carbonfibre expertise with him to found Pagani Automobili and build the superlative Zonda).
Supposedly reliability was improved with this last model - although it was never a particular problem, and Lamborghini's bad rep in this department mostly stems from the later Diablo - but performance was not. It's most recognisable for being rather fat and covered in strakes, which were very fashionable in the '80s, much like mullets, greed and Gary Glitter.
Happily, many of the Anniversario's numerous little tweaks were added into the very last QVs, which are unofficially titled 88.5 and do carry a premium.
In spite of the ugliness, the 25th Anniversary (celebrating the company's founding in 1963) is the best-selling Countach model, and 657 were produced.
And that's it. Countach production ended in 1990 with the launch of the Diablo, the last of the Marcello Gandini-designed Lamborghinis, with the company in the hands of Chrysler.
It's worth noting that the Bizzarrini-designed V12 in the Countach was first built at the company's inception in 1963, and incredibly has powered every flagship Lamborghini from the 350 GT to today's Murcielago. That car also uses a tubular-steel spaceframe derived from the Countach, so there's a little bit of CT trickling out of Sant'Agata to this day. What a frickin' legendary car.
...
Er, and countach also means 'wow' in Piedmontese.
Quote
"Daddy, why wasn't the Ferrari Testarossa more popular despite being a bread-and-butter Prancing Horse produced during the '80s supercar boom? And why was the Berlinetta Boxer quickly proven utterly irrelevant?" "The Lamborghini Countach is why, sonny. If God, Satan and Ares were ever to share just one car between them, it would be this wedgy mofo."
What is even more sad than this Mount Olympus of pathetic geekiness is that it turned out to be five-and-a-half times too long for submission. In order to avoid pulling a First Episode Of Princess in uncontainable frustration (google 'Matt Stone Trey Parker Princess' if you're in a thoroughly nsfw-friendly environment and have a cast-iron tolerance for sick masturbation-derived depravity), I decided to post it up here instead.
Not because I expect anyone to read it, because let's face it, it's unlikely that anyone on the planet shares my stratospheric level of lust for this car and any information pertaining to it. But because I must post it somewhere for the sake of my sanity.
So, here goes...
Countach
Main Definition
Probably the very greatest automobile in the illustrious history of homo sapiens, the Lamborghini Countach is one of the earliest and most iconic mid-engined V12 supercars.
Conceived in the infinite mindspace of God himself, the now-legendary wedge-shaped design of the Countach was passed down into the consciousness of 32-year-old Bertone employee and proud Italian Marcello Gandini some time around 1970 AD.
As it so happened, the car company of Feruccio Lamborghini was in a state not dissimilar to that which lay between Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. They'd (metaphorically) stunned their peers with a most triumphant voyage through time and quite possibly the most bodacious history report in the history of the planet.
But having graduated high school with the ground-breaking Miura, they'd yet to really learn how to play. Just as Alex Winter and Keanu Reaves blew up amplifiers as quickly as they could obtain them, so early Miuras tended to become airborne above 145mph and would occasionally burst into flames.
The trouble was that the Miura had been rushed through principal photography so quickly that it would never be perfect, no matter how much post-production it went through. The decision was soon made to move on to the sequel.
Marcello Gandini had previously penned that legendary car for Lamborghini -as well as the Espada, Islero and soon the Urraco and Jarama- so it was a no-brainer to employ the young maestro on styling the new flagship supercar. When the prototype LP500 Countach finally appeared in 1971, it stunned the world almost as much as the Miura had done five years earlier - a concept car for the real world.
At the same time, the Miura was finally developed into a world-class car with the SV model (which is now the most valuable Lamborghini model ever), but it was too late. Mixing my metaphores, the DeLorean time machine was perfected just before being outmoded by that big-ass flying steam train.
To ensure the car was just right from the outset this time around, lots of time was taken to fettle the Countach before it hit the road, and the first production-ready model was unveiled in 1973. It turned out to be the last car ever to see development under the ownership of Feruccio Lamborghini. Due to a disaster with his tractor company, he was forced to sell Automobili Lamborghini the following year. The following owners did a horrific job of managing the once-prosperous marque, leading the company into financial ruin and eventual bankruptcy.
Despite the internal turmoil, a modest number of Countachs were still produced each year (to put things in context, around 400 were built between '74 and '82, whereas about 100 Pagani Zondas have been built to date).
The company finally saw decent management again under new ownership in 1981, and in '85 the Countach received its biggest mechanical update. This coincided with the financial boom, and a ludicrous 1300 cars were built between 1985 and 1990.
Anyway, getting back to the car...
Contrary to the claims made at the time, the '70s Countachs weren't actually faster than the Miura - despite the superior engineering, the LP400 had similar power to its predecessor and was significantly heavier.
That said, it was still the ultimate performance car of the time, and it took a *decade* for a true rival to appear.
None of the Miura's nasty quirks affected the Countach, it had a decent amount of space for the driver, and it was even reasonably reliable for a 20th century Italian performance car. So despite the legendarily horrendous visibility ("if you need to look anywhere but straight ahead, you're not going fast enough!") and impracticality (the gearlever was removable to help smash the windscreen if the car ever flipped upside-down - the only exit route thanks to the vertical scissor doors), the Countach is generally considered a much better car than its predecessor.
To cap off, here's a rundown of the various iterations of the Countach over the course of its 19-year lifespan.
-1971 LP500 prototype: utterly stark and brutal, this thing is literally just a wedge with wheels. It's also the first Lamborghini ever to feature scissor doors, which have now become a company trademark. This one-off car was later destroyed in crash testing.
-1973 LP400: for cooling purposes, the first production version of the Countach sprouted extra air vents, and was downgraded to a Miura-like 4-litre V12 instead of the 5-litre of the prototype. The LP400 is the most visually recognisable of the Countachs on sale today (it doesn't have the extended wheelarches, and the roof has a curious periscope mechanism for the rearview mirror), and commands by far the highest prices. 157 were built, although for some reason the first customer cars weren't delivered until the following year.
-1978 LP400S: this first update added cutting-edge fat tyres, which in turn required the extended wheelarches which adorned every subsequent model. Supposedly this update greatly improved grip and road-holding. Additionally it introduced the absolutely hideous optional rear wing which nearly every Countach from this point on seems to be befouled by. Officially this was supposed to improve handling, but in reality it has no positive effect and merely serves to make the car slower and much less pretty. 237 400S's were built.
-1982 5000S: this model finally saw the introduction of a larger engine, although despite the designation it's actually 4.7 litres - still smaller than the original prototype...
321 5000S's were built.
-1985 5000S Quattrovalvole: Ferrari had finally launched a true rival to the Countach with the Testarossa, and Lamborghini responded with the CT's most significant update, transforming the performance into an absolute monster (for the record, the QV is indeed significantly faster than the Testarossa - although the Ferrari certainly offered a great deal more comfort and useability).
The engine was further expanded in size and upgraded with four valves per cylinder, boosting power from the 5000S's 375bhp to a monstrous 420bhp.
The bigger engine required a large hump in the bodywork just behind the rear window, reducing the Countach's already-hilarious rear visibility to effectively zero. To park the beast, you really do need to open the door and perch on the sill.
Still, this revision of the Countach coincided with the '80s supercar boom, and with its 14-year legacy and still-dominant performance it proved very popular. 610 were sold during its short lifespan, making it the most successful Lamborghini year-by-year in the company's history at the time.
The Countach was only truly eclipsed by the cutting-edge, super-expensive carbonfibre Ferrari F40 which arrived in '87, but it still featured prominently and favourably in many group tests during the period.
-1988 25th Anniversary/Anniversario: despite the name, this model is actually widely considered to be a bit of a monstrosity, and I don't believe it carries a premium over any other Countach model despite being the most mechanically developed. The main reason is the nasty, nasty bodykit, designed by then-employee Horacio Pagani (yes, the very man who took his Lamborghini carbonfibre expertise with him to found Pagani Automobili and build the superlative Zonda).
Supposedly reliability was improved with this last model - although it was never a particular problem, and Lamborghini's bad rep in this department mostly stems from the later Diablo - but performance was not. It's most recognisable for being rather fat and covered in strakes, which were very fashionable in the '80s, much like mullets, greed and Gary Glitter.
Happily, many of the Anniversario's numerous little tweaks were added into the very last QVs, which are unofficially titled 88.5 and do carry a premium.
In spite of the ugliness, the 25th Anniversary (celebrating the company's founding in 1963) is the best-selling Countach model, and 657 were produced.
And that's it. Countach production ended in 1990 with the launch of the Diablo, the last of the Marcello Gandini-designed Lamborghinis, with the company in the hands of Chrysler.
It's worth noting that the Bizzarrini-designed V12 in the Countach was first built at the company's inception in 1963, and incredibly has powered every flagship Lamborghini from the 350 GT to today's Murcielago. That car also uses a tubular-steel spaceframe derived from the Countach, so there's a little bit of CT trickling out of Sant'Agata to this day. What a frickin' legendary car.
...
Er, and countach also means 'wow' in Piedmontese.
Quote
"Daddy, why wasn't the Ferrari Testarossa more popular despite being a bread-and-butter Prancing Horse produced during the '80s supercar boom? And why was the Berlinetta Boxer quickly proven utterly irrelevant?" "The Lamborghini Countach is why, sonny. If God, Satan and Ares were ever to share just one car between them, it would be this wedgy mofo."
.
