Greetings QDB reader,
For the past several months, as many readers have realized independently, bash.org has been accepting quotes that match predetermined phrases and others at random. The new system has allowed the queue to climb to a point determined by a random number generator, at which point it evaluates all quotes in the queue, accepting every third quote with any of the following phrases: "nigg*," or "bash.org." The system approves other queued quotes at random. This works by means of another random number generator, which generates a number between 1 and 300. For example, if the random number generated is 176, the system will approve the 176th quote since the last approved quote.
Why did we do this? Simple. We don't have the time anymore. Over 600 quotes are submitted daily, and no one has the time to sort through them all.
Of course, we've revealed this information because we know how painful it is to have your quote arbitrarily rejected. We apologize to our readers for this, and changes are now in place to correct the situation.
1) All quotes are now automatically accepted! Yes, finally, all your painfully bad blabbering will be visible to the entire world to cringe at. At last the world will be free to see you talk about hating someone that you know and they don't, or get a glance into the incredible life of a desolate reject.
2) Any quote mentioning how the author wishes to be on bash.org will be expedited and given a free 100 positive votes to give it a good start. Your dreams can now be fulfilled, why not submit that great quote about you wishing to be quoted, then print it out and show it to girls? They'll love it!
3) Unfortunately in this time of increased conservative backlash, when the Passion is the most popular movie in America, we can no longer hold the torch of freedom of speach. Effective immediately, any quote found to be offensive to anyone from anywhere in any time for any reason to any degree will be killed. To ensure no repeat offenders occur, the area of chat that the offending quote originated from will be raided and all parties executed on sight, their pale Mountain Dew filled bodies burned, and the earth salted. The team will be led by public savior Diana Moon Glampers.
4) Obviously the database has a number of highly offensive quotes in it already, and that can't stand. A league has been formed, one might even say a justice league, to clean up the database and when they're not doing anything else, fight crime. It will consist of GLAAD, the NAACP, 50 Cent, and Aqua Man. They have been given control of the database to cleanse it of the filth.
5) Free hats for everyone who reads the QDB from work or school, woo hoo!
6) Bash is too violent, new name: funny-in-a-friendly-way.org
So there you have it QDB readers. This quote summarizes our intentions well:
"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."
- Kodos
Sincerely,
The Staff of funny-in-a-friendly-way.org
Thursday, April 1st 2004
![[IsP]KaRnAgE](/data/avatars/s/24/24533.jpg?1424422824){kind=avatar}
