Weirdish question about feelings and other stuff

[Zur]

Hi,

Since people like to have their say in a lot of things maybe I can get some feedback on something that's troubling me.

I came accross this young lady a few months ago during a training course in webmastering. After the new year she decided to stop and this kind of shocked me for some reason. I got in touch via e-mail and she was quite willing to explain her situation, saying she needed to find a job to get some income in.

That's the context. Now, I think I think I have some feelings for her but it's like the emotion just comes and goes, some times like a familiar yearning and at other times becoming none existant. Maybe I've become so used to not caring for anybody that's it hard to do otherwise. I guess that's what happens when you play tough guy and try to take all the bull**** being thrown at you head on and pretend it doesn't hurt.

I really have nothing to lose in saying this but I really am in a muddle at the moment. For one, I'm kind of afraid those feelings disappear altogether and it'd be a terrible thing to get something started only to end it later on. Secondly, she's apparently broken a long relationship and that can be kind of risky. Thirdly, I'm not sure of her age but she might be ten year's younger than me. Lastly, it's February and as you know there's that day which is special to some people and it can really send out the wrong signals if she's expecting something on my behalf.

So my question would what would you do in this situation ? Or rather how would you handle things ? Joke if you must but I'm interested in any experience some of you might have on the matter. And stuff privacy issues. The chances of someone I know reading this are next to nil so blah ^^ .

P.S: If the crowd at utch* it still reading up on stuff I post here than you must have some serious mental problems. No I am not an anticheater and you can post as many photochopped pictures of me over the internet as you want. Care do not I.

 

[Jackal]

Be friends for now.

Just ask her if she wants to hang out. Not as bf and gf, but just hang out. You are both single, so why not.

The first thing you need to ask youself however, is "Am I ready for a relationship?"

I think that once you figure that out, then you can go from there. Otherwise, just ask her if she wants to catch a cup of coffee and shoot the **** or something.

 

[T2A`]

You should have employed the usage of a variation of the "three second" rule. The rule states that if you see a girl you want to talk to you must do so within three seconds or just forget about it. If you delay past the limit you'll overthink and overanalyze things to the point where you will either never take action or f**k it up royally when you finally do.

By posting here you've obviously already overthought it way too much, so forget about it, I say!

 

[Zur]

@Fox News: Only one post ? Someone come back after the 2008 crash ?

Well, yeah that's what I figured. Rushing things is like going to send out the wrong signals and I'd risk passing myself off as a weirdo or, even worse, some rapist or something ^^. For now, I just have the email adress and she gave me her nickname in some video game (yeah she's a gamer).

As for being ready for a relationship, I'm not sure. It would fix some loose ends but maybe I need to take things slowly too. This heart of mine is used to being in limbo so I don't think I'm capable of having strong feelings.

I'll try the angle of asking to meet up to get a drink or something. I know hardly anything about this girl so having a chat wouldn't be a bad idea.

You should have employed the usage of a variation of the "three second" rule. The rule states that if you see a girl you want to talk to you must do so within three seconds or just forget about it. If you delay past the limit you'll overthink and overanalyze things to the point where you will either never take action or f**k it up royally when you finally do.

By posting here you've obviously already overthought it way too much, so forget about it, I say!

Well the thing is that we haven't really talked much at all aside a brief uninterested conversation during pauses. And I don't think I had any feelings to begin with.

This rule of yours makes good sense though because it's more of a heart thing than a thought thing. I have to say that I'm someone that's down to earth and naturally into analyzing problems (I'm into programming analysis).

Btw, I sent the email because I somehow thought I was responsable for her departure because I seemingly ignored her on the bus when I was in fact totally absorbed in my thoughts. She didn't seem to find this strange at all, saying she appreciated the message I sent. I expressed some genuine interest in this video game of hers and she's invited me to add her to my contacts. So I'm not quite sure what to think as of yet.

 

[gregori]

I say: Go for it!

Everything has "consequences", but they're probably all alot more interesting than if you had done nothing.

 

[Zur]

True. At the worst I'd end up with a good friend .

 

[Nines]

If you don't make a move, you'll regret it later.

 

[Exus Tecius]

i would like to give a good advice if i knew one.
nah,seriously i am not i a position to act like an expert.
i just wish you good luck.

 

[Jackal]

@Fox News: Only one post ? Someone come back after the 2008 crash ?

No.

My "more at 9" posts were deleted though.

 

[N1ghtmare]

If in like a few years you get married you can be like "lolz a internet forum helped shape my life."

 

[anaemic]

stick your penis in her, if she cries rape it was never meant to be.

 

[Menderis]

I say: Go for it!

Everything has "consequences", but they're probably all alot more interesting than if you had done nothing.

the most important post i'd say that's the point...
my only advice would be not to hurry if you realize that you really have feelings

 

[Big-Al]

good luck Azura!

 

[das_ben]

I expressed some genuine interest in this video game of hers and she's invited me to add her to my contacts.

Log on to her team and make a point of teamkilling her!

Seriously, the slow approach seems sensible and having a drink together is probably a good idea. No need to rush into something when you might as well just try to be friends for the time being and see whether you have much in common. During that you might get a better idea of your (and potentially her) feelings as well.

 

[daloonie]

So what's the worst that could happen? Go for it.

 

[shadow_dragon]

Go for it and if it doesn't work then get over it... i can think of no better advice.

 

[LedZep]

Go for it but take it slow, it seems that you both are deep and down to earth people so im sure once you're friends and know more about each other it'll be much easier for both of you to deside, probably (sexually) positively

 

[toniglandyl]

build a solid friendship first (e-mails, seeing each other). then maybe you'll understand more about your real feelings for her.
first things first.

 

[Zur]

Wow, for once this forum turned out some good answers. Thanks for the advice and pseudo advice.

P.S: Lol @ "ask aunt ledzep" ^^.

 

[Exus Tecius]

yeah of course.
buf ot can be a nice place.you just need to take humor and dont have prejudices plus typing post in a understandeble and readable form.
(this part is hard for me meee lol)

why do we hang out here?
cheers.



Edit:ty balton.