Dr. CHRYSt, I need your help!!!

Harlock · Jan 9, 2002

It has now been three weeks since Claudia and I have split. I'm still a little lost. I have not had many girlfriends, let alone one as close as her. I know, I'm weak and a loser.

She still wants to remain friends and talk to me. Is that wise?

What should I do to help me move on?

I'm pretty depressed. Now, as you know, I'm not one of those 15 year old angsty teens either. I was planning a serious life with her. I was planning my whole future around her. Now it just looks different.

Dr. CHRYSt, I need your help.

MattMacD · Jan 9, 2002

Just say no.

Siledre · Jan 9, 2002

you could always become a ninja

BillyBadAss · Jan 9, 2002

If I was you I wouldn't be friends with her at least until you can stand on your own two feet without feeling like you still need her.(I personally don't ever talk to them again. I think it helps things move on.) I have noticed that girls like to keep you around as a friend to "keep their options open." **** that! You will never completely move on unless there is a clean break. Also, new GF's kind of don't like it if you are still friends with the old GF. I know it will suck at first, but it really works the best I think. Oh, and since you say your relationship lost it's steam. I am sure you have seen girls in the past that you would have considered going out with if you weren't with you recent GF. Find those girls and take them out on a casual date, like a movie or something. Something that won't make you feel like you are moving to fastly forward, but makes you feel like you are making progress. Keep your chin up man.

AMMAGETSVM · Jan 9, 2002

Originally posted by Harlock
It has now been three weeks since Claudia and I have split. I'm still a little lost. I have not had many girlfriends, let alone one as close as her. I know, I'm weak and a loser.

Dude, you are not weak and a loser. You're human. That's the bottom line..
Moving on may take some time. But you will get over it. And once you get moving, you'll feel lots better...
just don't keep lookin' back, you know?

tarquin · Jan 10, 2002

allow me to don my cynical hat...

Too right about staying friends being a bad move.
On the other hand, you could gain something from it by using her as a springboard. Tell her no friendship unless you get to proing her. It's often easier to flirt with girls when you know you've got a guaranteed lay waiting for you back home.

hat off

*cough* the real tarquin does not endorse or encourage this course of action.
Seriously, ask her just why she wants to stay friends with you. Is it to gloat over how miserable she's made you? To tantalize you with regular glimpses of what you no longer have? It sounds like she's already been treating your relationship like a yo-yo the past few months.
Was it her who initiated you two getting back together before? It's one thing to hesitate over buying something in a shop, walk out, come back half an hour later, look at it again, hesitate some more, walk out again, walk back in, etc. It's not fair to do that with a relationship.

SU3000 · Jan 10, 2002

I'm with BBA staying friend is not a good idea. It screws you in the head..

Swedix · Jan 10, 2002

It's not bad to be friends with your ex.
It depends on if you can handle it. I'm still friends with some of my ex.

Sam_The_Man · Jan 10, 2002

If she wants to discuss it, play The Supremes' "You Just Keep Me Hanging On" obnoxiously loudly at her.

That song probably says just about all there is about this situation anyway.

Harlock · Jan 10, 2002

Originally posted by Sam_The_Man
If she wants to discuss it, play The Supremes' "You Just Keep Me Hanging On" obnoxiously loudly at her.

That song probably says just about all there is about this situation anyway.

Actually, I found the Offspring's - "She's got Issues" is much better in this situation.

I sort of found out why she left. She says she gets very angry and frustrated easily. She left me so as not to hurt me.

tarquin · Jan 10, 2002

Originally posted by Harlock
I sort of found out why she left. She says she gets very angry and frustrated easily. She left me so as not to hurt me.

arg!!!! she doesn't want to hurt you, so she leaves you.... thus hurting you!
I have heard girls spouting this one to friends many times.
I never know if they actually mean it, or if it's just something they say to try and soften the blow of dumping the guy.
If she's really so worried about hurting anyone she gets close to, pack her off to a shrink.

PsychoMoggieBagpuss · Jan 10, 2002

Originally posted by Harlock
She left me so as not to hurt me.

That basically means she is either

a) a coward

or

b) believes that you can't handle any issues she has.

Either way its a crap reason

MattMacD · Jan 10, 2002

Yeah, my ex used to tell me all the time that she'd lie because she didn't want to hurt me... -_- if she was honest, it would've ended much sooner, and would've been easier on both of us, but oh well.

I agree with BBA almost 100% (

)... get over her first. Once you're able to get rid of the emotional attachment, and then forgive her for all that she did, it'd be okay to be friends with her, in my opinion. But I'd recommend constantly reaffirming to yourself why you're better off not in a "romantic" relationship with her...

Maj1013 · Jan 10, 2002

The whole "I don't want to hurt you thing" is either a bald-faced lie, or symptomatic of her overwhelming need to avoid conflict. Either way, not something you need to deal with.

I agree that being friends with her is not good for you, at least not now. Maybe, someday, sometime later down the road, you two can be friends again. But for right now, that's just plain impossible, given the way you two split up. You cannot maintain a friendship with someone who causes you so much distress just by being who they are. That's a totally unreal and unfair expectation to put on yourself.

I think your best bet for picking up a new chick is to show her those X-rays of the strange things you find in people on the job....

(Ok, maybe not.)

I_B_Bangin · Jan 10, 2002

Haha, you asked CHRYSt for love advice!!!
:lol:

Clayeth · Jan 10, 2002

Originally posted by Harlock
She still wants to remain friends and talk to me. Is that wise?

As long as you both make sure to just block out any ideas of getting back together. If you can't do that, the friendship will be torture.

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Dr. CHRYSt, I need your help!!!

Harlock

Married And Always Nagged

MattMacD

New Member

Siledre

Scorpions love marmalade too

BillyBadAss

Strong Cock of The North

AMMAGETSVM

wild

tarquin

design is flawed

SU3000

Bringer of Fear and 0wnage

Swedix

Retired from UT2004

Sam_The_Man

I am the Hugh Grant of Thatcherism

Harlock

Married And Always Nagged

tarquin

design is flawed

PsychoMoggieBagpuss

Gone.

MattMacD

New Member

Maj1013

Amused One

I_B_Bangin

habitual line stepper

Clayeth

Classic