This reminds me of some clanner we all know

And yet another person has a go at WAnk

This i find somewhere on the net, and
this reminds me to some people we have seen here on the forum, and online
And i could resist to share it with you all

How to Form a Clan of Elite Online
Introduction

When I first published my self-help article How to be an Elite Online Wanker, I set out to teach people how to better themselves by becoming an elitist, annoying wanker when playing online action games. The response was wonderful. Many of you wrote in saying how much my words meant to you, and that I had hit the proverbial nail right on its big head. I sleep much better at night knowing that my efforts have touched so many, and that there are now that many more wankers traipsing through the world's online gaming servers.

And yet there is so much more to learn. Many people may be satisfied reaching the pinnacle of llama-dom on their own, but others adhere to the old saying that "No wanker is an island". The latter people crave the companionship that only other elite online wankers can provide, and feel the need to band together and revel in their own "m4d $kilz" while belittling others. It is for these people that I write this second piece in the Wanker Trilogy, "How to Form a Clan of Elite Online Wankers in 10 Easy Steps". In the pages that follow, I'll take you through the 10 simple steps involved with gathering together a group of people as obnoxious as you, making a name for yourself, and making sure your clan goes down in the annals of wanker history.

Step 1: Is the online game clan life for you?

This is an important question to consider right off the bat. Being in a clan takes a lot of time, and commitment. Sure, you're an elitist wanker in your own right, but do you have what it takes to get along with others of your ilk? You can belittle, taunt, and type obscenities in all capital letters, but the important thing is that you be able to focus that behavior at people outside your clan. To see if you might fit into a clan, take this little test:

1. People are suck-*** losers if they:

a. fail to show courtesy and respect to others
b. breathe
c. are different from me


2. People deserve to be ridiculed if:

a. they ridicule others
b. true
c. they don't have the same cool clan tag on their name as me


3. If I loose a game it's because:

1. People are suck-*** losers if they:

a. fail to show courtesy and respect to others
b. breathe
c. are different from me


2. People deserve to be ridiculed if:

a. they ridicule others
b. true
c. they don't have the same cool clan tag on their name as me


3. If I loose a game it's because:

a. my opponents were more skilled
b. my teammates are suck-*** losers
c. it wasn't an official match


If you answered "a" to any of these questions, you probably don't want to be in a clan in the first place. If you answered "b" to any of them, then your unbridled wankerdom will probably just get in the way. You should probably just leave other people alone in general. If you answered "c" to the questions above, then an online gaming clan may be just what you need! Time to form a clan.

Step 2: Choosing a Clan Name

This step is similar to choosing an intimidating name for yourself. The only real difference is that you'll have to share it with other wankers. The name should be something impressive and terrifying, like DeathKnights, or Apocalypse Bringers or Pissed as Farts (I didn't make that last one up, believe it or not). Extra points are awarded for misspellings or oxymoron's, as in Terrifying *** Kickers or Clan Screaming Stealth. Basically, if your clan name sounds like it could be a movie starring Steven Segal, you've got it.

Step 3: The Clan Tag

You're a tightly knit clan of amazingly skilled wankers. You've got to let the world know. More importantly, you've got to let the world know that other people are not in your clan. The vehicle for important message this is the clan tag. You've probably seen it: the set of characters flanked by brackets at the beginning or end of a player's name. One might think that the clan tag should simply be an acronym for the clan name, but that sort of logic is shortsighted. You've got to spruce up your clan tag so that it stands out from the crowd. You may or may not use the letters in your clan name, but you should definitely throw in extra characters, symbols, ASCII art, and random punctuation. It also helps to capitalize every other letter.

Thus, the clan tag for Clan Doomsday Riders would be: {[!ArK=-=%!]}.

Makes sense, right?

An alternative method for coming up with a clan tag is to simply pick up your cat (you can borrow one if you don't have one), set it down on the keyboard, then suddenly pop a balloon behind its back. Thus, Clan Spasmatic Monkey Humpers becomes ][oq249781kjas~. Put brackets around that sucker and you've got a classic.

Step 4: Recruiting Clan Members



Now that you've got your clan name and tag down, you need to go out and get other people to join your clan. Otherwise you're just some guy with a dumb name, and we can't have that can we? There are a couple of ways you can go about doing this.

Recruiting From Games. If you're on a game server and totally getting your *** kicked by some guy, then he's obviously cheating. That sort of ingenuity could make a handsome addition to your clan roster. Ask him to join up. Anybody that's spent time honing their skills and enjoying the game is obviously small minded and will probably not want to limit himself to playing with a small set of people he has never met, just on your word that "it will kick *** ". If he says "No", then try to change his mind by calling him a ***** and fill the screen with obscenities until he logs off the server. Then add him to the roster anyway, so that you can tell other potential recruits that you're constantly growing

Recruiting from Established Web Pages. Big time web pages just love to help fledgling clans out. One of the first things you should do when forming a clan should be to fire off an email to big sites like Blue's News and PlanetQuake asking them to prominently display a message from you asking for new members. Here's a sample email that you can edit to fit your own needs:

BLUE, YOU GUYS ROCK!!! I AM STARTING A KICK *** QUAKE CLAN CALLED THE CLAN DOOMSDAY RIDERS. SO FAR IT IS JUST ME AND MY FRIEND SAM BUT WE ARE GOING TO BE HEDGE!!!!! MY FRIEND SAM AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD KICK MOST *** BUT WE ARE THE ONLY MEMBERS PLEASE POST A MASSAGE ON YOUR WEB PAGE TELLING PEOPLE THEY CAN JOIN UP NOW BY EMAILING ME AT LEETDOOD@HOTMAIL.COM. BUT HURRY!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WILL ONLY TAKE A FEW MORE PEOPLE INTO OUR KICKASS CLAN AND CLOSE DOORS FOREVER!!!!!!! UNTIL WE NEED MORE PEOPLE!!!!! PLEAS POST NOW!!!!!!!!!!! (AT TOP OF PAGE, DON'T PUT IT IN SUCKY PART LIKE "OUT OF THE BLUE") WE WILL KILL YOU ALLL!! ROCK!!!
PS I MITE LET YOU JOIN IF YOU KICK *** ENOUGH AND PUT UP THIS MESSAGE. EMAIL ME SO YOU CAN TRY OUT!!!!!

As you can see, nobody could argue with that persuasive a message. The spelling, the punctuation, the subtle threats, they all weave together to form an a compelling tapestry of rhetoric that is sure to get your hotmail account flooded with wankers cclamoringto have a shot at your elite group.

Step 5: Make a Clan Web Page

By this point, you're probably huge. You may have upwards of four or five people in your clan (whether they know it or not), and an organization that gigantic needs a web page. Hell, everybody's got them. Lack of web authoring talent or something interesting to say about your clan are no excuse for not having a web page. People will want to know all about you, so you've got to deliver in your own special wanker style. Here's a few helpful tips to make sure your web page adheres to the Wanker Code of Standards:

Get hosted on Geocities. First impressions are important. People love those pop-up boxes that come with any sites hosted on Geocities. It's a sure sign that you're serious

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Tahoma, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><HR>
An alternative method for coming up with a clan tag is to simply pick up your cat (you can borrow one if you don't have one), set it down on the keyboard, then suddenly pop a balloon behind its back. Thus, Clan Spasmatic Monkey Humpers becomes ][oq249781kjas~. Put brackets around that sucker and you've got a classic.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This one had me rolling!!!


[MUTTS]GunnerX

"Go! Leafs! Go!"

Hilarious !!

And so true to life, it's positively scary....

That reminds me a few clans that have blessed us all with thier post on this board. I'm sure most of us know who Im talking bout so I wont mention names.


AKA [Ci]Ruffrider

[This message has been edited by [F-U]Ruffrider (edited 04-28-2000).]

That article is an old one from 3dactionplanet.com that we published last year. I linked it in the news this morning, and linked The Soundoff as well so.. if you get a few extra hits to the site you can blame me.

- Y5