Sometimes, stuff just doesn’t make much sense. I’ve been thinking: why was Forest Gump named Forest? He didn’t live in a forest or anything, as far as I could tell. You know those Elf people in Lord of the Rings? Now those people lived in a forest. You’d think like every other one of those folks would be named Forest.
What’s this obsession with cell phones? Society has developed a new look: People hunched over looking at their cell phones. If this keeps up, the world will evolve a planet of hunchbacks. Have you seen the commercials? They constantly talk about dropped calls. Penalties for going over your minutes. Being locked into contracts. Dead batteries. No bars. Can’t get your calls because... WTF? Why would crap like that make anyone want to go out and buy a cell phone? There’s even talk about a link between cell phones and cancer. I could see people who might really need them for work badly, and they should be thinking: “Crap, I need to buy a cell phone and live with all the crappy problems that are associated with them; including brain cancer and a hunched back.”
Why aren’t heavy pieces of broken glass sold as paperweights? They make paperweights out of everything else. People come into your office, pick up your paperweight and play with it, get their filthy germs all over it, disturb your papers. Why not just put a big, sharp, pointy piece of broken glass on your desk. Let them pick it up and throw it from one hand to the other for awhile. Let them sit on the corner of your desk and barely miss sitting on a 47-stitches-minimum piece of ass-cutting glass.
Why don’t people who can’t find jobs go to India and work in gas stations and convenience stores? There must be a shortage of people there to do that stuff because Indians are certainly all over in other countries holding down those sorts of jobs.
Why don’t escalators have tables and chairs and menus to order finger foods and drinks? You almost always run into people who haven’t figured out that you can actually walk up and down escalators while they are moving. You end up just standing there.. waiting and waiting; like it’s some sort of Disney’s Most Boring Ride in the World.
Why don’t people fly kites as much as they used to? Did the air change? Kite strike?
You know what pisses me off on the golf courses I play on? The idiots are always putting the holes in the wrong spots. Every freakin’ time I hit a ball, I walk over there and there’s no hole nearby. They have the hole placed like 90 yards over to the left or something. How hard is it to dig a hole in the right spot?
If the stuff they are selling on TV is so great, why do they always say, “But that’s not all! You’ll also receive …” Is the product so bad that I need extra incentive to buy it? If the extra stuff is so great, why are they giving it away? Let’s face, they need their warehouses cleaned out and they want us to pay for it. Tell me that’s not a government operation.
Is it just me, or does anyone else associate “New and Improved” with “Old and Crappy?” If someone sells me something then realizes they made a mistake and should have done this or that to the product, you’d think they’d be keeping that piece of information to themselves. “New and Improved” tells me they weren’t really trying very hard before, so why would I trust them this time? “We’re sorry that you keep crashing to the ground off your ladder Mr. Johnson, but we’re now using New and Improved welding techniques and those rungs in your ladder should stay put for ages.”
Why isn’t there a law in Michigan stating that a fish cannot drive a car? There’s like a giant lake near there! One day, a fish will wander out of the water, figure out how to start up a car, and now everyone’s sorry they didn’t adopt a law to keep the scaly bastards off the road.
What’s this obsession with cell phones? Society has developed a new look: People hunched over looking at their cell phones. If this keeps up, the world will evolve a planet of hunchbacks. Have you seen the commercials? They constantly talk about dropped calls. Penalties for going over your minutes. Being locked into contracts. Dead batteries. No bars. Can’t get your calls because... WTF? Why would crap like that make anyone want to go out and buy a cell phone? There’s even talk about a link between cell phones and cancer. I could see people who might really need them for work badly, and they should be thinking: “Crap, I need to buy a cell phone and live with all the crappy problems that are associated with them; including brain cancer and a hunched back.”
Why aren’t heavy pieces of broken glass sold as paperweights? They make paperweights out of everything else. People come into your office, pick up your paperweight and play with it, get their filthy germs all over it, disturb your papers. Why not just put a big, sharp, pointy piece of broken glass on your desk. Let them pick it up and throw it from one hand to the other for awhile. Let them sit on the corner of your desk and barely miss sitting on a 47-stitches-minimum piece of ass-cutting glass.
Why don’t people who can’t find jobs go to India and work in gas stations and convenience stores? There must be a shortage of people there to do that stuff because Indians are certainly all over in other countries holding down those sorts of jobs.
Why don’t escalators have tables and chairs and menus to order finger foods and drinks? You almost always run into people who haven’t figured out that you can actually walk up and down escalators while they are moving. You end up just standing there.. waiting and waiting; like it’s some sort of Disney’s Most Boring Ride in the World.
Why don’t people fly kites as much as they used to? Did the air change? Kite strike?
You know what pisses me off on the golf courses I play on? The idiots are always putting the holes in the wrong spots. Every freakin’ time I hit a ball, I walk over there and there’s no hole nearby. They have the hole placed like 90 yards over to the left or something. How hard is it to dig a hole in the right spot?
If the stuff they are selling on TV is so great, why do they always say, “But that’s not all! You’ll also receive …” Is the product so bad that I need extra incentive to buy it? If the extra stuff is so great, why are they giving it away? Let’s face, they need their warehouses cleaned out and they want us to pay for it. Tell me that’s not a government operation.
Is it just me, or does anyone else associate “New and Improved” with “Old and Crappy?” If someone sells me something then realizes they made a mistake and should have done this or that to the product, you’d think they’d be keeping that piece of information to themselves. “New and Improved” tells me they weren’t really trying very hard before, so why would I trust them this time? “We’re sorry that you keep crashing to the ground off your ladder Mr. Johnson, but we’re now using New and Improved welding techniques and those rungs in your ladder should stay put for ages.”
Why isn’t there a law in Michigan stating that a fish cannot drive a car? There’s like a giant lake near there! One day, a fish will wander out of the water, figure out how to start up a car, and now everyone’s sorry they didn’t adopt a law to keep the scaly bastards off the road.
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