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Whats left of the UT community

Discussion in 'Unreal Tournament 3' started by Cliffy_C., May 20, 2008.

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  1. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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    Bunnies in denim overals and shotguns

    or

    Ninja vikings and pirate monkies
     
  2. Lruce Bee

    Lruce Bee Transcending to another level

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  3. Slainchild

    Slainchild Gold Member

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  4. Kantham

    Kantham Fool.

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  5. Interbellum

    Interbellum I used to be a man

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    Death horse

    [​IMG]

    You'll feel the impact of that one in a moment! :mad:
     
  6. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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    The proportion of deaths legs dont match his torso :(

    MIDGET DEATH!
     
  7. Interbellum

    Interbellum I used to be a man

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  8. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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    Eating pies will fix that

    pies fix everything
     
  9. Crotale

    Crotale _________________________ _______________

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    Hi Cliffy_C. My name is Cliff also. That is where our similarities end. I like UT3. Sure, it isn't my favorite iteration in the series, but it is not a failure in my book.

    Seeing how you are "new' here, I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt while reading your first post. But, as I read on through your subsequent postings, I found that I really do not want to afford you any benefit of doubt. Your claims are largely unfounded, as you clearly did no research on or in this site before making your claims. Also, you mentioned how Prounreal has the "right" attitude. Well, let me tell ya, ProU is notorious for being a group of collective a-holes and they prove it anytime new blood pops in for a visit. They tried to clean up but all the longtime members whined until everything went back to the way it was.

    As for Epic running their forums the way they do, it is THEIR forums. I personally dislike all the PS3 clan chat threads, but times have changed and so have the types of gamers who grace the UT forums. I stated my piece on it recently and that is that. Hey, who am I to complain if a clan's dirty laundry is aired out publicly. I'll grab the popcorn and soda and have a grand old time. But, I'll give the console dudes credit; at least they are playing the game instead of b1tching about every little nuance that wrinkles their frilly skirts.

    Most users who get banned on Epic do so because they broke the rules. Honestly, is it all that difficult to abide by the house rules? Even BuF has banned users, but those are generally the extremely stupid users who have been warned numerous times.

    I would love to speak on the dead horse issue, but I would simply be inducing further damage to said horse.
     
  10. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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    Oh god someone please lock this thread before is gets out of hand
     
  11. Minimaul

    Minimaul Hate Kill Destroy

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    There I was, standing on the corner of Glifford and Pegasus street. It was raining, it always rains this time of year. I didn't bring an umbrella because the weather man said that it would be sunny. It wasn't. The crosswalk light turned to show the walking-man so I crossed, making it look like I was running but I was still going walking speed. A puddle was forming at the opposite crosswalk so I jumped over it landing casually on the sidewalk. Continuing my walk South I quicken my pace as the rain falls harder and harder causing me to squint my eyes to see.

    I cut through the grass and walk up to the building, the lights are on and I can see a line that winds around the corner. "Stang" I mutter to myself, "Pre-order or not, you still have to wait in that damn line." I walk to the back of the line where a large woman holding an umbrella is standing. She's in her mid-forties and weighs about twice as much as me and about half-as tall. I smile as I approach, I say, "G'day, ma'am" and she glares at me. Still smiling, I stand behind her and pull out a magazine I was going to read. The rain, being a royal pain in the ass makes reading difficult. I use the magazine as a cover from the rain. It's OK. I wasn't going to read the articles anyway. I got that magazine for the pictures.

    the portly woman looks back at me, she sighs and reluctantly offers me some room under her umbrella. I comply with a smile and stand too-close to her under the brightly colored umbrella with a large picture of the Pink Power Ranger on it.

    Slowly, the line moves forward in silence. We're all there for the same thing; A game. The game, quite possibly the game of the century. It's still early in the century, but there's nothing wrong with being the best at this point in time. Tension grips the people in the line as they get closer and closer. The anticipation is so thick you could build a house out of it and that anticipation-built house would never get blown down by the Big Bad Wolf. Expectations where high, too. Higher than a virgins' expectations of Prom Night.

    The cow-with-an-umbrella and I shuffle forward. Her body shifts to me and her hand moves... "What the hell was that!? Did you just grab my butt?" The large woman smiles and I can see missing teeth. Her eyes are on fire with desperation and she keeps glaring at me, deep into my soul. She's hungry, hungry for what, I don't know. but I don't want to find out the hard way.

    "Excuse me ma'am, I must be going. Cheers." I flatly said while turning to leave. Grabbing me by the arm she asks me to wait and apologizes for her indiscretion. Reluctantly, and maybe because I enjoyed the sense of sexual tension and attraction, I stayed by her side. Rain is so...Wet, I tell myself. I'd hate to get a cold AND I've waited this long. It'll be worth it, The Game will be worth it. I just know it!

    It's time. The large woman, who I purposely never asked for her name, gets The Game and leaves, but not before grabbing my ass one more time. My ass, the good luck charm. I think to myself of all the people that could rub my ass like Buddhas Belly for good luck. I grin.

    "Did you pre-order the game?" the clerk asked. Her eyes are glassy and her expression dull. She looked soulless and lacking in a will to live.

    "No." I responded. The soulless clerk reaches down, I follow her hand and see many piles. One pile has 2 or 3 copes of The Game marked "PRE-ORDERS" and a section just slightly to the side with many more copies of The Game. I guesstimate it at about 234 copies of the game. The pile was stacked to counter height, then right next to it, another. And another. About 7 piles in total. I grin to myself about how I know from now on that I will never need to pre-order again. The clerk scans the bar code, puts it in a bag all while telling me the price and asking if I want to subscribe to something that does something that is worth nothing. I decline the subscription and pull out my cash. Nobody denies cash, that's why I always pay with it.

    In a few quick hand movements that were so automatic for the clerk that she didn't even change her gaze, or blink, and tThe Game was in my hand, finally. "Enjoy" the clerk says. Was that I smile I saw? No, I don't think it was. I think it was a muscle spasm.

    The walk (or run) home was a blur. I was so excited, like the first time I ever---Well, lets just say I was excited and it's been awhile since I was that excited. I barely remember the way home, or the install of The Game, or the bum yelling at me about the world ending. I didn't care. I had what I needed, let it end.

    The install was successful with no issues and finally, at last, I click to play The Game--- Lights flood my room while simultaneously sirens begin to blast. Where from? Heck, I don't know! The ground is shaking and my Star Wars figurines are falling from my wall. Confused, I watch as Boba Fett falls to his death, again! I get up and run to the hallway, tripping through the doorway as the house shifts to the right. My computer crashes and slams into my back. Dazed, and sore I get up to run into the living room. The house shifts again, this time to the left! I fall to my hands and knees as the lights flicker on, then off, on then off and finally they stay there. Groggy, I get up on staggering knees. The shaking ground didn't help much either. Somehow I hit my head, blood drips down my face and it tickles, I wipe it off with the bottom of my Slayer shirt. I look at my now blood covered Slayer shirt and realize that it just gained about 25 Badass Points. I smirk to myself.

    The lights from outside shut off and there is silence. My hands are shaking and my knees are quaking, this is too unreal to be happening. What's going on? Where is everybody? I slowly make my way to the front of the house...

    A high pitched squeal sounds from somewhere and all the glass shatters around me. I collapse to the floor and cover my head with my arms. I feel the glass shards attacking my body as they burst around the area, from whatever was making that noise--am I under attack? Is this some kind of nine-eleven apocalypse?

    Questions unanswered and glass settled onto the floor all around me I get up and dash as fast as my so-called chicken legs would carry my living carcass. I get outside and I'm flooded with light--probably the same light from earlier. Shielding my eyes with my left hand I slowly look around, trying to make a sense of what is happening.

    I didn't see her at first, only on the second pass and a few second gaze did I notice her. It was the woman from the store. Standing as still as a pole arms spread wide like Jesus. Inspired by my curiosity I creep up close to the woman and that's when I notice...I notice... Oh, my God!

    She is the one causing this! She's hovering 6 feet above the ground with pure light escaping her eyes, her head--what used to be her head-- is dislodged from her body and it's sitting on the ground below. Where her stump of a neck is I can see black clouds escaping, flying into the sky and disappearing. the light escaping her eyes focus's on me.

    If I hadn't pooped while The Game was installing so I could read the instruction booklet then I would have soiled myself right then and there. The light changes from white to red and I'm now in a hot spotlight of... Of, I don't know what, but I know I don't like it. I run. The light follows me as I dash and turn, juke and jink. Nothing works. I keep running.

    "Run, Forrest, run!" is a cliché statement and in this case perfectly acceptable. I ran and I ran and I ran some more and while running I thought about changing my name to Forrest. Unfortunately, the light kept following me. My chest heaving, my lungs desperate for a break and my legs shaking I stop. I tell myself that I'm not giving up, but I am. I'm OK with being a failure I'm quite good at it, so I guess I'm not a total failure.

    The light is still on me and I feel a strange sensation as a form of vertigo kicks in. Up is down, down is up. Left and right seemed to have become one and I collapse into a heap of sweat, blood, camo shorts and an awesome Slayer shirt.

    I woke up screaming. At least I thought I was screaming. I also thought I was awake, but my eyes weren't opening. Darkness.

    "Hello" A voice whispers.

    This time my eyes do open and I do scream. A blood gaggle of a scream that leads into a coughing fit as I choke on my own blood and something else. I reach up with my left hand but it's stopped. It's being held back by something. Restraints! I'm being restrained on a table. I can feel the cold metal on my buttocks and a slight breeze blowing through my pubic hair. I blush immediately as I realize I'm stark naked, on a table with something going down my throat.

    A voice speaks "Fight, do not. For thou will hurt thyself."

    I thought I said "Let me the frak out of here!" but what that thing heard was something more like "Legt muh da fraqe oot ov hurrr!" I yank and twist on the cables and cuffs holding me down. This sucks. I stop my no-win situation battle with the restraints and I lay still. I glance around the room with just my eyes and see that I am in what looks to be a sterile operating room. I don't recognize any of the instruments and I was half-way between deciding if that was good or bad when something came up next to me.

    A blurry shadow crosses my line of sight and I'm unable to focus on it until after a few seconds pass. It's a woman and she's beautiful! Her long black hair is held up in pig tails that connect in a bun at the top creating loops out of the braided pig tails. Choking on the object in my mouth and going down my throat I try to ask for help. I desperately ask for information. She smiles and brushes some hair out of my face.

    The beautiful womans makes a "sshh" motion and grabs the object in my throat, she winks and me and yanks it out. I cough and gag and I think I spewed some blood onto my bare, hairless chest. She puts the object on a table then grabs a neon pink towel and cleans me up.

    "What.. whats going on? Who are you? what--" She shushes me and leans in close to my ear. She lets her nose brush against the brim of my ear then she puts her mouth next to my ear and whispers to me that everything is going to be just fine. She tells me that I'm protected and she will make sure no harm comes to me now. One of her hands is moving along my stomach, she's making circular motions with her index finger on my stomach, leaning up, she smiles at me.

    "Um, thanks." I replied.

    The beautiful woman gets up and grabs the object she took from my throat from the table and holds it up for me to see. It's a long, cylindrical tube made out of some kind metal. It's hollow on one end and the other tapers to a smaller tube that connects to something in the distance.

    "What is that?" I ask.

    "It's a Soul Capturer" she replies.

    My heart skips a beat.

    "I now have your soul and you will have to do whatever I say to get it back." She puts the device back on the table. Reaching into a pocket on her lab coat she pulls out a small black remote. She points it at me and presses a button! I close my eyes and tense-up, expecting to be electrocuted, or probed, or worse. The only thing that happens is the table I'm laying on shifts forward to where I'm near standing. I'm still strapped, but now I'm up-right.

    Scared of what might happen next, I dig deep for courage and I ask "What kind of stuff do I have to do?" I wince on the inside as I await an answer.

    "Do you think I'm beautiful?" She asks while pressing a green button on the black remote. The restraints holding me down click a few times and fall limp to my side. I move my arms and legs feeling the blood flow back to my extremities. Pins and needles, pins and needles.

    "um, yeah. I guess." I say as I move my appendages getting the blood to circulate.

    "You guess? It's a yes or no question. Now answer it."

    "...Yes. I think you're beautiful."

    "Good." She says to me as she unbuttons her lab coat and pulls it slowly off of her. She's not wearing anything underneath and her body is quite athletic. Her breasts are perky, and, in my opinion quite perfect. I glance her body up and down trying not to stare at her luscious curves and smooth skin. Something comes up and I realize she's staring at me, but not at my eyes! I glance down. I'm still naked! More importantly, we're both naked! I cover myself up with my hands and sheepishly blush. She grins and walks over to me.

    She's as tall as I am, and she stands close to me. I can feel her breath on my skin and I can sense her heart pumping blood inside her body. "Make love to me, if you want to save humanity." She caresses my body and pulls me into her grasp "You and I are the last, the only ones left who can repopulate society. Love me, and make love to me."

    I'm shocked, and I stand there, frozen in her grasp. this can't be happening. But maybe it is... It would all make sense, yet still so confusing. "Are you even human? This can't be real!"

    "Does it matter?" The woman asked.

    "Yes, it does." I waited for more information from the woman but she wasn't giving any. I push her away and look her in the eyes, "I have to get out of here. Help me, please."

    "You can't escape, your destiny is chosen. Mate with me and save your race."

    "You are an alien! Get off of me you crazy bit---" She slams me down to the ground and I hit, hard. My back aches and I think I hit my head because I hear ringing. The ground is cold and it feels good because the room is hot and humid. I shift to push myself up and I am slammed into by a large blunt object. I watch as my arm, which I mistakenly used to block with, snaps. I scream and the woman swings a 20" piece of metal at my head. Ducking, I kick up with my feet. I feel them connect with the woman and she flies back. I scatter to me feet and make a dash--somewhere. The room is empty and I can't find any doors!

    I glance to the woman as she gets up. She picks up the metal object and holds it tightly in her hand. She's still naked, and still beautiful, but now with a big bruise across her chest. She dashes to me and in two un-human like bounds she's right next to me slamming the metal object into my face. I barely avoid the hit and as I turn she manages a kick to my shin. I yelp in pain as she grabs me by the hair on the back of my head. She pulls me close to her. I look into her eyes as they begin to change from a wonderful light Caribbean blue to a murky black to blood red.

    Not only do her eyes change, but other things begin to change as well. "MATE WITH ME!" She screams into my face. I struggle with her and try to push her off of me but nothing is working. Her hold on me is fierce and something is changing in her... And out of her. From her back spawns black wings, made of pure bone and a leathery skin going across them. Her hands change to claws and her razor nails cut deep into my skin. I scream out in pain. Her skin, her body, everything is changing! This is no woman! She--no, It-- is a demon! Straight from hell! "MATE WITH ME!" It screams again, and again, and again.

    Sick to my stomach, in pain, and glad that I don't think with my other head I thrash as violently as possible. It's still grasping me tightly with one hand and I can see the metal object that she previously used to blunder me with is now on the ground. She must have dropped it in the metamorphosis!

    I struggle and manage to break free, but only after gaining more slashes and even a bite from the large fangs and teeth protruding from the mouth of the demon. I reach down to the metal object and flutter with it in my hands, I feel a button and press it. Whoomp! An object flies out and hits the demon in the arm. Causing the arm to fall off. Blood squirts everywhere, at least I thought it was blood since it was pink, covering me, the room and the table.

    The demon, now completely enraged runs up to me and slams my head hard with a demon-fist. I can feel consciousness slipping from my grasps. I try to hold, but it slips from my fingers and I fall into darkness.

    I wake up. Once again strapped to a table. The demon is back to its beautiful woman form. I gag and choke in disgust. "Will you mate with me now."

    "Never! I'd rather die!" I spit with as much disgust as I could muster.

    "Very well." The demon woman says.

    She presses a button and from above in the white light comes a long metalic device. It stops about 6 inches from my forehead and I can hear a whirring noise coming from somewhere behind me. The small hair on my body rises up as an electric force takes control of the room. A loud "Vzzthwwappzp" sounds and I feel heat, intense heat. My muscles all expand, contract, explode and implode all at the same time. I feel tears--no blood-- come from my eyes and ears. I scream and scream and scream.

    Darkness.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2008
  12. Sir_Brizz

    Sir_Brizz Administrator Staff Member

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    Thread is better now.
     
  13. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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    I cant believe i just read all that
     
  14. Interbellum

    Interbellum I used to be a man

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    Pretty good stuff, a real page scroller. Also, I'm quite drunk.
     
  15. Vitamin-Carrot

    Vitamin-Carrot If

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  16. LANCE.xd

    LANCE.xd Flak Monkey

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    Whoa! I almost thought I'd seen a point!

    Alas, 'twas an illusion. I read the whole thing, and I feel strangely refreshed.
     
  17. Zer0

    Zer0 .

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    /thread :cool:
     
  18. Zur

    Zur surrealistic mad cow

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    It does. It's a shame that the people who are more constructive in what they say get banned along with the rest of the troublemakers.
     
  19. Kantham

    Kantham Fool.

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    Mouse wheel scrolling sucks in this thread.
     
  20. Crotale

    Crotale _________________________ _______________

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    Why are you picking on me? I didn't start this.
     
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