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We haven't had a topic like this in a while...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Zur, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. Zur

    Zur surrealistic mad cow

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    There is nothing more satisfying than dumping a log. However, for some of us this is a remote possibility as the big job often ends up as some exploded mess on the inside of a toilet bowl. So what's your secret for solid poop ?
     
  2. Trynant

    Trynant Manic Brawler

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    Easy answer

    [​IMG]
     

    Attached Files:

  3. Big-Al

    Big-Al amateur de bière

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    beer helps
     
  4. [GU]elmur_fud

    [GU]elmur_fud I have balls of Depleted Uranium

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  5. BillyBadAss

    BillyBadAss Strong Cock of The North

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    Not eating fast food will solve your problem. If you think this is not an option you should kill yourself.
     
  6. [GU]elmur_fud

    [GU]elmur_fud I have balls of Depleted Uranium

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    INPOOPITABLY
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2012
  7. YellowFive

    YellowFive Baconstrips

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    Cheese. Always cheese.

    It's like firing a torpedo from a Virginia Class submarine. Swift and deadly.
     
  8. Firefly

    Firefly United Kingdom is not a country.

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  9. DeathBooger

    DeathBooger Malcolm's Sugar Daddy

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    It's rather retarded to think you have to eat something special to poop normally. All you have to do is eat a balanced diet, not some processed empty promise in a box.
     
  10. theabyss

    theabyss No One Here Gets Out Alive

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    Sleep!
    Eat, go to sleep, wake up, drink coffee (important!), wait about 2 hours, then take a dump. Good poop has to ripen.

    Def.: ripe:

    ...fully grown and developed
    ...brought by aging to full flavor or the best state
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2012
  11. [GU]elmur_fud

    [GU]elmur_fud I have balls of Depleted Uranium

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    You need the verb form of the word ripe. Which is of course... "ripen" ... just sayin'
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2012
  12. Gir

    Gir Offensive mode!

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    [​IMG]
     
  13. HugoMarques

    HugoMarques ☆☆☆☆☆

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    Agreed. Especially when the log falls right in the middle of the toilet and the resulting splashing water hits and caresses your balls. Best moment of your day right there.

    Simple. Stop eating crap and you'll start dumping better crap.
     
  14. Rambowjo

    Rambowjo Das Protoss

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    My diet is not the secret.
     
  15. Firefly

    Firefly United Kingdom is not a country.

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    Now you need to change the definition of "ripe" to "ripen" as it is different.

    rip·en (rpn)

    To make or become ripe or riper; mature. See Synonyms at mature.
     
  16. [GU]elmur_fud

    [GU]elmur_fud I have balls of Depleted Uranium

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    Solid poop is an admirable start but I think you should aim a bit higher. I personally am working toward being able to crack the bowl, the splash should get the feet wet of people in neighboring stalls, The smell should make eyes water and paint peel.

    Someday I hope to be able cause a mass exodus from the bathroom merely by the sound and anybody who enters the bathroom for the next hour should be immediately caused to seriously consider just how bad they really need to go.

    Of course the holy grail of defecation is to be able to cause a has-mat situation at the sewage treatment facility! To cause the national guard to evacuate the area! To rot and decay anything living downwind from your rectum! Children caught in small eddies off the main swath of carnage would have there growth stunted! Just a small whiff would ruin the taste of food for a month! Faux News would proclaim Armageddon! We're talking serious shit.
     
  17. Big-Al

    Big-Al amateur de bière

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    I just did a shit.

    It worked.
     
  18. NeoNite

    NeoNite Eternal sunshine

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    Stop eating your cat's food Zur.
     
  19. AMmayhem

    AMmayhem Mayhem is everywhere

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    My secret for solid poo? Just like separate pieces of Play-Doh, just scoop it all up squeeze them together into one solid log... :con:
     
  20. tomcat ha

    tomcat ha Well-Known Member

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    my secret for solid poop is dehydration
     

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