While golfing last week, this friend tells me someone had an idea to fix the economy by giving everyone over 50 a million dollars. Supposedly, many of these people would now retire, pay off their homes, and maybe buy new homes. This would help the banks. They might also buy new cars, helping the auto industry. Plus, they would start buying other things and that would help.
This would free up a bunch of jobs and unemployed people could fill them, and the government wouldn’t have to pay out a bunch of unemployement. It might also help with crime. Those people with jobs would start buying things again and that would help the economy.
Another friend did a calculation and said the cost to the government would be over 100 Trillion dollars, so that wouldn’t work. However, what if we tweak things? Since many old people in retirement homes couldn’t do much with the money, we just kill them off. Then we kill off old people who drive slowly and just take up space. It’s like that Seinfeld episode where he said people who are 80 should be allowed to drive 80. Well, FORCE them to drive 80. Force people who are 90 to drive 90. This would create a lot of accidents and deaths. If you made this driving rule like 6 months before giving people all this money, there would be a lot less old people alive, thus reducing that 100 trillion even more. They would also kill off other people and that would free up jobs.
That only gets us part way to our goal. We need to stop healthcare. People are living much too long. We need to let them die of curable things so life expectancy goes way down like it did in the times of knights. This reduces the number of old people even further and all of the out-of-work healthcare people could get jobs doing body collection and disposal.
So let’s recap: we kill off lots of old people, and others, first to reduce this 100 trillion number. We stop healthcare to reduce the number of old people, and others, and this helps to reduce that big number. These millionaires are paying stuff off and making new purchases, helping to stimulate the economy. Unemployed people now have jobs and that stimulates the economy and helps with crime. Less people means less traffic, and that’s a good thing since it means less pollution and less greenhouse gases.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: qualthwar, that won’t work because all the retired people would overcrowd the golf courses. You just build lots more golf courses and that helps stimulate more jobs. I love it when a plan comes together.
This would free up a bunch of jobs and unemployed people could fill them, and the government wouldn’t have to pay out a bunch of unemployement. It might also help with crime. Those people with jobs would start buying things again and that would help the economy.
Another friend did a calculation and said the cost to the government would be over 100 Trillion dollars, so that wouldn’t work. However, what if we tweak things? Since many old people in retirement homes couldn’t do much with the money, we just kill them off. Then we kill off old people who drive slowly and just take up space. It’s like that Seinfeld episode where he said people who are 80 should be allowed to drive 80. Well, FORCE them to drive 80. Force people who are 90 to drive 90. This would create a lot of accidents and deaths. If you made this driving rule like 6 months before giving people all this money, there would be a lot less old people alive, thus reducing that 100 trillion even more. They would also kill off other people and that would free up jobs.
That only gets us part way to our goal. We need to stop healthcare. People are living much too long. We need to let them die of curable things so life expectancy goes way down like it did in the times of knights. This reduces the number of old people even further and all of the out-of-work healthcare people could get jobs doing body collection and disposal.
So let’s recap: we kill off lots of old people, and others, first to reduce this 100 trillion number. We stop healthcare to reduce the number of old people, and others, and this helps to reduce that big number. These millionaires are paying stuff off and making new purchases, helping to stimulate the economy. Unemployed people now have jobs and that stimulates the economy and helps with crime. Less people means less traffic, and that’s a good thing since it means less pollution and less greenhouse gases.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: qualthwar, that won’t work because all the retired people would overcrowd the golf courses. You just build lots more golf courses and that helps stimulate more jobs. I love it when a plan comes together.
