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The secrets of solid poop

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Zur, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. Zur

    Zur surrealistic mad cow

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    I get a feeling of déjà vu posting this title but here goes anyway.

    It's been a while since I did my stomach in with pain killers because of my back. Now I rarely have the pleasure of having a solid poop. I miss the satisfaction that comes with it and the impression that I'm somehow healthier for having dropped some biological payload all in one go.

    So, naturally I thought of BUF as being a reliable source of information with all the poop experts here. So, what's the secret to solid poop ? What foods do you eat to achieve the best result ? Personally, I'm undecided between eating meat and lots of bread. Maybe there's an ingredient I'm missing.
     
  2. Twisted Metal

    Twisted Metal Anfractuous Aluminum

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    Fiber, right?
     
  3. Rambowjo

    Rambowjo Das Protoss

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    Rocks.
     
  4. Exus Tecius

    Exus Tecius like diamonds in the sky

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    Bananas.
     
  5. WaitForTheRain

    WaitForTheRain New Member

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    Solid Poop. Consume twice a day with a glass of water.
     
  6. KaiserWarrior

    KaiserWarrior Flyin' High

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    There is no food ingredient to solid poop. The secret is to get a sledgehammer and beat the everloving **** out of your ass. Except, rather than beating the **** out, it will beat it in. The sledging will compact your poop into a firm, solid mass, truly a turd fit for a true man's man.

    It should be noted that if you are a lumberjack, you should not attempt this, as it will further compact your already manly **** into solid rocks that will not pass.
     
  7. Rambowjo

    Rambowjo Das Protoss

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    There are no trees in Belgium.
     
  8. Darkdrium

    Darkdrium 20% Cooler

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    Eat a lot of them. Guaranteed you wont **** for a few days. :lol:

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Al

    Al Car'a'carn

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    Azura. You're starting to sound like Plumb_Drumb.
     
  10. ZenPirate

    ZenPirate Living Legend (and moderator)

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    I believe the correct answer is to see a medical professional.
    That said, get some bananas, or some cheese, and get eatin' :D
     
  11. MoogleRancha

    MoogleRancha Grim and Frostbitten Moogle

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    I'm gonna have to concur with rocks.
     
  12. Zur

    Zur surrealistic mad cow

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    Delirium Inc. :D

    @ZenPirate: Talking about this to a professional is like telling a car mechanic that your car is making a funny noise :( .
     
  13. Dark Pulse

    Dark Pulse Dolla, Dolla. Holla, Holla.

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    Cheese. Especially Sharper Cheddars. They bind you up good.
     
  14. BillyBadAss

    BillyBadAss Strong Cock of The North

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    I'm going to go with see a doctor first, but I think fiber is the way to go. Soy products do the best job from my experience. You might want to avoid dairy since your stomach is all messed up. I would avoid anything greasy too. It makes things slide out before it's ready.

    Basically pooping is like baking cookies. You don't want them to come out half cooked or over cooked. You want them just right. =)
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2009
  15. dragonfliet

    dragonfliet I write stuffs

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    High fiber stuffs should do the trick.

    Also, if BillyBadAss ever offers, decline his **** cookies.

    ~Jason
     
  16. Ruffrider

    Ruffrider Member

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    I got extremely sick a few years ago and had to be on medicine for 3 weeks. My doctor told me to keep my gut bugs in tip top shape that I would want to take a Probiotic, and told me to start taking Florastor . Ever since I started taking it I've had zero stomach problems. No more bad bathroom trips, no more gas, indigestion, acid reflux or anything like that. I don't know if I just got really healthy, or if its the Florastor. Considering my lifestyle hasn't changed much I like to think its the Florastor :D.
     
  17. FuLLBLeeD

    FuLLBLeeD fart

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    Mountain Dew AMP helps me ****. Seriously man, there's something in that helps the flow.
     
  18. Peavey

    Peavey American Cheeseburger

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    Coffee.
     
  19. ZenPirate

    ZenPirate Living Legend (and moderator)

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    Really high quality yogurt is a good natural pro biotic, if you don't like pills.
     
  20. Zaccix

    Zaccix Truth, by Banksy

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    An apple with two slices of brown bread a few times a day, and plenty of water. Also, high-strength natural peppermint capsules. I'm totally serious. I had a bad stomach bug last week (with a resulting watery stool) and those things helped me through it.
     

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