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The Mormon Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Peavey, Jul 17, 2012.

  1. Peavey

    Peavey American Cheeseburger

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    Alright, I got a hell of a mormon joke, but in order to drop this atom bomb of a gut-ripper, I'm gonna need some forum participation. So go ahead and tell your best and worst mormon (see how I didn't capitalize it?) jokes and I'll drop mine in a few days or so.
     
  2. Firefly

    Firefly United Kingdom is not a country.

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    They believe god can get married and have kids.
    That cracks me up.
     
  3. Jacks:Revenge

    Jacks:Revenge ╠╣E╚╚O

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    ok ok.
    Mitt Romney is so Mormon... how Mormon is he?

    Mitt is so Mormon that his foreign policy for Israel will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.

    Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast offerings to fund Medicaid.

    Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.

    Mitt is so Mormon that if he’s elected the “First Lady” will be known as the “First Wife.”


    Mitt is so Mormon that he asks his donors to stack their chairs after fundraising dinners.

    Mitt is so Mormon that he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens as “Gentiles.”

    Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll rename the "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms" the "Word of Wisdom Squad."

    Mitt is so Mormon that he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.

    Mitt is so Mormon that he thought the debt ceiling was something which could only happen inside of a temple.


    Mitt is so Mormon that he doesn’t go on the campaign trail, he goes on “missions.”

    Mitt is so Mormon that he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just retroactively disfellowship them.
     
  4. HugoMarques

    HugoMarques ☆☆☆☆☆

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    If that's true, then the allmighty WAS married.

    My guess is all the 20th century wars were his way of dealing with the divorce.
     
  5. Lizard Of Oz

    Lizard Of Oz Demented Avenger

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    Hmmmm. I though He raped some innocent virgin, and then promoted His bastard son to ruler of the known universe... or am I thinking of Kim Jong Il?
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2012
  6. FuLLBLeeD

    FuLLBLeeD fart

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    They're against gay marriage but are perfectly OK with having multiple wives.

    Their entire doctrine is based around something a convicted con artist came up with give or take 200 years ago, with no evidence to support whether or not he was telling the truth.

    The joke is those things are true.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2012
  7. dotnetbeast

    dotnetbeast Mr. Mayhem

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    You know what's funny bout mormans?



































    I don't know. You tell me.
     
  8. Vaskadar

    Vaskadar It's time I look back from outer space

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    I once met a mormon...
    I then realized that there were one too many M's in the religion's name.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2012
  9. Firefly

    Firefly United Kingdom is not a country.

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    If Mitt romney is elected you'll all become mormons.
     
  10. Sir_Brizz

    Sir_Brizz Administrator Staff Member

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    A gay guy and a Jew walk into a bar and...

    Too soon?
     
  11. cryptophreak

    cryptophreak unbalanced

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    Leave it to the professionals.

    [m]http://youtu.be/XQjr0b3sfqE[/m]
     
  12. Zur

    Zur surrealistic mad cow

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    What's their written address ?
     
  13. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    Comedy gold.
     
  14. FuLLBLeeD

    FuLLBLeeD fart

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    Last time I posted this Hermskii made a post about me having two gay dads or some other dumb shit.

    That routine owns though. David Cross is the best.
     

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