Questions that Monkeys Don’t Ask

[QUALTHWAR]

1. If a jacket is waterproof, how the hell are you supposed to wash it?
   
   
2. If a bloodmobile truck loses control and crashes into a pickup truck and the inside of the bloodmobile get coated in blood and the pickup truck driver is some crazed fool and he goes berserk because he’s mad about being hit and takes out a shotgun from his truck and blasts the crap out of the bloodmobile's driver while he’s sitting in the truck and then takes off and flees the scene and the forensics team shows up to figure out what happened from the driver’s blood smear pattern, how the hell are they going to figure anything out?

These are the kinds of questions that monkeys should be asking. Why? Because they would get smarter and smarter and could eventually evolve into another human-type species that we could breed with to produce a hybrid race of humans that could climb trees with ease.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I need hybrid monkey-people. I keep losing my plastic golf balls in the trees in the park. Monkey-people could easily climb up and get them down for me. If like every other person was a monkey-person, I figure there’s a good chance that somebody walking through the park is one of these hybrids.

 

[Continuum]

goddamn apes

 

[QUALTHWAR]

right. apes are useless, for the most part. but a hybrid breed could help me considerably.

also, with a few of those walking around, all hairy, stooped over, grunting, farting, dumb as hell; all of a sudden, i'm not looking so bad.

 

[Continuum]

with a few of those walking around, all hairy, stooped over, grunting, farting, dumb as hell; all of a sudden, i'm not looking so bad.

explain...

 

[QUALTHWAR]

no

 

[Continuum]

I'm of the opinion we already have "hybrid" apes. Of course these questions shouldn't be asked.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

it's like this. this moneky isn't doing anything. I say let's put him to work. I need golf balls that i've hit into trees, and someone to carry my clubs. Can they swim? I don't know. Maybe they are like cats; they can swim, but don't like water.

anyway, i could strap a scuba tank on one and let it fish my golf balls out of the water.

but waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiitttttt! That would be wrong. animal lovers would have my balls. pun intended. Monkey-people, however, could help and i doubt if people care that they get wet fishing for my golf balls.

 

[Cat Fuzz]

Pun

 

[QUALTHWAR]

that was punny

 

[Twrecks]

Would an ape make a human doll that TALKS?

 

[QUALTHWAR]

if you're talking about one of those life-like blow-up dolls that you can get at one of your local adult book stores, i say who cares if they can talk or not

 

[Twrecks]

You Maniac! You blew it up! Ah, darn you! Gall darn you all to heck!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Not that kind of blow up. The kind where you keep having to blow air into the thing because they tend to leak. Not that I’d know anything about that, or about the nasty wrinkles they get if you don’t roll them up. I mean, I’m just guessing that could happen.