Psychiatric Evaluation

[QUALTHWAR]

There is an apple tree and you want to pick an apple to eat. There is a tree limb with apples that hangs about 10 feet from the ground. You can only reach about 7 or 8 feet with your hand stretched out, and cannot reach the apples. However, there is a 1-inch diameter stick that’s 6 feet long, a 1-foot long dead fish, and a live frog that’s about the size of the palm of your hand that you can use to help you get an apple.

Using only one of these three things, which will you chose and how do you use it to get an apple from the low branch on the tree.

I’ll need your answer in the form of an answer.

 

[The Purple Bunny]

I don't want an apple.

 

[Cat Fuzz]

I would choose the 6 foot long stick, use it like a pole vaulter and really try not to stab my crotch as I pole vault into the air and grab an apple with my feet and totally stick the landing.


TEN!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I don't want an apple.

You most likely have itchy crotch syndrome. Try not to scratch, unless it itches. Then, scratch the hell out of it.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I would choose the 6 foot long stick, use it like a pole vaulter and really try not to stab my crotch as I pole vault into the air and grab an apple with my feet and totally stick the landing.


TEN!

Why do you think the bagboy at your local grocery store hates you so much?

 

[Cat Fuzz]

Why do you think the bagboy at your local grocery store hates you so much?

I have more money than he does. And pubic hair.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Ah, but can you not shave your pubic hair, and go bankrupt by investing in Microsoft?

When was the last time you acknowledged Skippy and told him thank you for separating the rat bait from the ice cream; even though he put the rat bait in the same bag as your toilet paper?

No, Skippy hates you because his mother has told him that he’s special and will one day be a great man. But before then, he must get a job at a grocery store to learn responsibility. Skippy expects you to understand his plight and to treat him like a prima donna like his mother does.

 

[Cat Fuzz]

Well, I guess I'll have to buy Skippy a nice fruit basket. I'm also considering shaving my pubes so he can feel better about not having any.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Well, I guess I'll have to buy Skippy a nice fruit basket. I'm also considering shaving my pubes so he can feel better about not having any.

There you go. I bet you feel better already. You can pet Skippy on the back of the head and tell him he’s a good boy, and this will make both of you feel better. However, whatever you do, don’t be so honest that you tell him that his hips look big. Bagboys can be devastated by such criticism. He’s like a fragile, pimpled-face, know-it-all who is one negative response away from throwing a pencil across the room.

 

[oosyxxx]

Smack it with a dead fish like Fedor's fist to Rogers' face.

 

[oosyxxx]

I have more money than he does. And pubic hair.

Did you perform an itemized count?

 

[QUALTHWAR]

most stores i know of will not allow fondling of their employees, even if it is in the interest of science.

 

[The Purple Bunny]

Did you perform an itemized count?

I took inventory, there are units missing.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Hey, Rude boi, is that Marie Osmond? She makes me feel funny!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

wtf is this? a mom machine?!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

crap on a stick! there is more of them! run, Jack, run!

 

[Cat Fuzz]

That's what happens when Gumby gets pokey with Pokey.

 

[MONKEY BOY]

It's an alien monster with herpes in Arizona with Jack Black playing Guitar Hero!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I can see it now. Some little kid in a toy store with their mom and this thing is sitting on a shelf in a box. The kid says, “Look, Mommy! It looks like the toy you have in the back of your ‘keep-out’ dresser drawer. Is that what daddy means by a one-eyed monster?”

 

[MONKEY BOY]

Yes, little Billy. That's what mommy and daddy call our Herpes Toy. And no, you can't play with it!