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Pooping in Outer Space

Discussion in 'BuF Classics' started by Morety, Sep 18, 2000.

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  1. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    I was on my way into work today, and heard on the radio that the shuttle was departing the space station after delivering supplies which included, of all things, a toilet.

    Now, me being Morety and all, this gets me wondering about a few things...

    - If they're using a toilet, how do they keep what you're doing from floating up and hitting you in the bumcheeks?

    - I figure they're using some sort of vaccuum system.

    - Now what do they do with the refuse now that you're done?

    - I figure they eject it into outer space. I seriously doubt they'll store it simply to bring it back to earth.

    - Now, if they eject it into outer space, the following is possible. The shuttle could be approaching the space station and get nailed in the windshield with a big poop. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this would be the outer space equivalent of getting nailed by something the size of an ostrich (if they could fly) while driving up the road.

    Anyway, just a thought.

    Morety.
     
  2. Swedix

    Swedix Retired from UT2004

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    Beware of the shooting star, it smells like $hit :)
     
  3. -BHS-Snowdog

    -BHS-Snowdog New Member

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    Actually, I believe the US Space Command currently tracks over 20,000 objects in near-Earth orbit; mostly discarded debris from old launches and the like. There is a specific dimension limitation to the object that they choose to track or not to track, but I'm not sure what it is. I thought it was relatively small, but either way, if your scenario is correct, Morety, it could also be true that part of our tax money goes to track the trajectory of discarded poop in outer space.

    Also remember that orbital speed is (relatively) upwards of 17,000 miles per hour. That would be some MIGHTY quick poop! It would also, travelling at that speed, probably rip right through whatever it hit. It would also, depending on the altitude & inclination of it's orbit, freeze, thaw, and refreeze constantly. It's difficult to predict what effects such a cycle would have on the poop.
     
  4. CHRYSt

    CHRYSt You can't help that. We're all mad here.

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    I bet they have poop cannons that they use to fend off the incoming hordes of the Garthax. Those wiley bastards just don't give up.
     
  5. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    If I were an astronaut on the space station...

    I would ensure I saved up long enough that my poop would be big enough to be tracked by earth.

    Upon retiring from actual space duty, I'd get a job in Houson where I could track my space doody. I could take pictures of it to show my grandkids. Yes, I'd be a proud papa.

    Now imagine, years from now, somebody directing space traffic up there. "Station to shuttle, veer left or you'll have a collision with Morety's poop #213". "It's in its thawed state right now, and it could impair your vision if it hits your windshield."

    Let me see. They've got various windshield fluid for cars, including Winter, and Summer/bug fluids. How many would they need for the shuttle?
     
  6. GunnerX

    GunnerX 2345 Posts

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    1. Grab pile of poop
    2. Place in plastic container
    3. Eject it towards Earth
    4. Poop enter's earths atmosphere
    5. Poop burns off
    6. Bye bye ozone layer


    Why do you think the ozone layer is disappearing?? Pollution?? HA!! That's what they want you to think!! It's the Poop from outer space!!!!
     
  7. -BHS-Snowdog

    -BHS-Snowdog New Member

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    Morety, I'm guessing that there is ALREADY some sort of top-secret governmental institution that tracks your poop, for the greater good and safety of all mankind.. :)

    Consider this scenario. Now, I'm not an expert on poop (where's Boom?), but I'll assume that poop contains some sort of microscopic organisms (bacteria & such.) The vacuum of space offers no protection from the radiation of both our sun or deep space itself. Given the propensity for radiation to cause mutations in micororganisms, it's quite possible that, given time, poop exposed in such a way could mutate to sentience. Once this happens, the sentient poop will probably begin to ask questions about it's creator. Eventually, when enough poop gets together, they will figure out that the Earthlings are responsible for thier creation, and seek us out (most likely hitching a ride on the nearest earth-bound spacecraft.) We, as a society, will then be forced to deal with our poop. You can bet, in such a scenario, that as soon as their existence is validated, civil rights laws will immediately be set in place to ensure the poop is not discriminated against when applying for a job.
     
  8. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    Yes, I can see it now.

    /me addressing sentient poops:

    "I am your God!"

    Now, as those poops are sentient, how would they feel about the regular poops we all know and love? Would they discriminate against a plain old, non-sentient poop? Or would they hold their ancestry in high regard?

    If the poop was sentient, what kind of society would they live in? What would they eat?

    The Planet Poopton:
    - Would be full of basement apartments, with the main floor being a small, wooden shack.
    - Flies would be in abundance, and would be at the top of the food chain.
    - Would have extreme ozone problems, due to the extremely high content of methane. The planet itself would have to be located very far away from their sun, in order to keep them from melting.
    - Would have an overabundance of plant life, as there'd be unlimited fertilizer available.
    - Would have no cab drivers, as pine air-fresheners would be illegal.
    - Would stink.
     
  9. Elrod

    Elrod Random

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    It's nice to know I can always rely on PuF for a highly intellectual discussion...
     
  10. CHRYSt

    CHRYSt You can't help that. We're all mad here.

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    I wonder what the job ad looks like for these people.

    Wanted: Space Poop Technician

    Seeking hightly motivated person with skills in zero G poop management. Will design all necessary equipment to remove poop from astronauts' rectal areas, and deposit into poop receptacle, then further ejection techniques. Requires bachelor's degree in Poop physics, and 2 years experience in research design and testing of poop and poop related equipment.
     
  11. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    /me just had a flashback of a movie run through my head:

    <===== Don Knotts, in the Reluctant Astronaut, when the peanut butter's flying all around the space capsule and gets into all the computer tapes.

    -Does one actually find "Should design/maintain zero gravity toilets" on their aptitude tests?

    -Which college/university offers courses in zero gravity bowel movements. Is there a scholarship fund for this?

    -What if the toilet gets clogged up there? Will they have to fly a butt-cracker up there on the shuttle with a plunger?

    -What if the toilet overflows? Wouldn't that be terrible to open the bathroom door and walk into.
     
  12. MoyDoy

    MoyDoy Taking myself way too seriously

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    Imagine moose poop in space, they **** out small balls you know. And like 5 at a time to, so if a moose pooped in space it would create a couple of tiny deathstars raging across the universe.
     
  13. Gir

    Gir Offensive mode!

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    And I was glad cows couldn't fly....
     
  14. Mute

    Mute All you have to do is smile!

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    that's right, i forgot we have a moose poop specialist here :).

    I think it's worth the experiment, however. The first moose in space!
     
  15. Morety

    Morety The Farterator

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    Moose? Hell, let's get some dna from that Woolly Mammoth they raised, clone it and get a nice big dump to send into orbit for scientific research.

    There was a post here not too long ago about how it was the extremely high methane levels of dinosaur poop which caused the climate change, eventually leading to their extinction. Not a meteor, as is the common belief.

    Imagine combining the two, and having a giant poop meteor. Now that's ex"stink"shin.
     
  16. Boom

    Boom Rumpshaking Moderator

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    Actually, one of the cases I am working on involves a sewage treatment plant, so I do know a lot more about poop then I ever wanted too.

    I'll go into more detail later, as it is already 5:15 and I wanna go home.

    Poop is a vibrant utopia for microscopic organisms. All sorts of things are living in there. I usually focus on a little bug known as the fecal coliform. The EPA (through the Clean Water Act) measures the pollution level of water coming from Sewage Plants by the amount of fecal coliform. You are allowed to have 400 of the little buggers per milliliter. A milliliter is like a tiny drop. So a glass of water at legally drinkable levels can have millions of these little poop bugs. The test results of the Sewage plant (or Poop plant as I like to call it) had over 1 million fecal coliform per milliliter. Basically, the were just sending the raw poop right out through the facility because all the treatment stuff was broken. And it discharged right into the Mississippi River. Guess where New Orleans and several other Louisiana towns get their drinking water from...

    That's right! The good Old Mississippi River.

    I wanna go home.

    I will be available to answer more poop related questions in a few hours. :)
     
  17. Yellow5

    Yellow5 Guest

    Okay ready? Here's how it all works...

    Thank god for the Discovery Channel!

    From: http://www.discovery.com/news/features/spacecamp/dispatch4.html

    "This is how it works: You ride it like a horse. Urine is sucked into a tube. Fecal matter goes through a slit in a plastic-covered compartment, which is lined with three layers of bags. The cosmonauts tie off the tops of the bags and dispose of them in the garbage, which is sent back on the Progress supply module to burn up on re-entry."

    Ya know, they have a cool job. Fly into Space, land on the moon, and a toilet that you ride like a horse. Sweet!
     
  18. The_Inflictor

    The_Inflictor Honest and unmerciful

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    Errr, thanks for the poop lesson Boom :)

    /me is trying to imagine all the astronauts that have suffered from bum-crumbs throughout the years. Those things are biatches to get off :D
     
  19. ~Cobra~

    ~Cobra~ Cursed!

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    wow.... i come back to OT and i find a poop discussion... lol :D
     
  20. Neo Skinz

    Neo Skinz Shinobi of the wind<br><img src="http://www.greer9

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    Its not really as suprising as you'd think is it? :rolleyes:

    /me wonders when the discusion will change to poop flinging space monkeys! :D
     
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