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[Old (Funnay) News]Catholic Church On Masturbating

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Synastren, Oct 26, 2003.

  1. Synastren

    Synastren Explodious!

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    Vatican City - Masturbation is like owning a Ferrari and driving only in first gear, a senior Catholic theologian said in an article published Wednesday.

    "Driving only in first gear, not only do you prevent the Ferrari expressing its full power, but gradually you wear it out and thereby ruin a masterpiece of technology," Father Giordano Muraro wrote in the magazine Vita Pastorale.

    Muraro was responding to a reader who asked whether it was sinful to masturbate in the absence of one's spouse in order to reduce sexual tension.

    According to Muraro, while masturbation - the sin of onanism in the bible - is "objectively a serious act, circumstances must be taken into account".

    He said it was up to the person involved to "judge the gravity of his deed, in the context of the couple's path to God". - Sapa-AFP


    Source

    Saw that on MacHall Comics earlier. :D
     
  2. Atropos Megarea

    Atropos Megarea Happy Kitty

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  3. das_ben

    das_ben Concerned.

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    Now that's an interesting analogy.
     
  4. Synastren

    Synastren Explodious!

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    Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission. :shy:
    ;)
     
  5. Vers Vlees

    Vers Vlees Oohhh a custom title

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    lol :lol:
     
  6. KJAX

    KJAX Gamer 4 Life

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  7. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

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    Oddly enough, I've come to suspect the majority of ferrari owners are compensating for something. Perhaps someone should jackoff in this tard's eye as an example of sufficent power of one's wang.
     
  8. Atropos Megarea

    Atropos Megarea Happy Kitty

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    ~raises an eye brow and shakes her head slowly~ men
     
  9. TossMonkey

    TossMonkey brown bread?

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    ahahaa... thats the best analogy ever. He's encouraging sex over masturbation which is always a good thing.
     
  10. Atropos Megarea

    Atropos Megarea Happy Kitty

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    sex = good
    sex = teh win!
     
  11. edhe

    edhe ..dadhe..

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    **waits for tropi to say anything of worth.

    The bible says something about casting your seed upon the earth as a sin. God knows why, rest of us don't. Catholic religion also thinks that any act of sex should be contributary to procreation. So, of course, he'd be saying that sex is far better than masterbation, and that wanking off is, basically, a sin... just he said it cooler :)
     
  12. Sam_The_Man

    Sam_The_Man I am the Hugh Grant of Thatcherism

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    I fail to see how a million wasted sperm is so much worse than nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine wasted sperm if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the circumstances) :)

    But yeah, Catholic Cardinals would know all about Ferraris, of course (not sarcasm).
     
  13. Swarthy_Foreskin

    Swarthy_Foreskin Retarderator

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    Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?
     
  14. FireSlash

    FireSlash Whats a FireSlash?

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    On the other hand, throwing your Ferrari into 5th gear gives you a nice speeding ticket ;)
     
  15. PhrozeN

    PhrozeN And Apple a day keeps the doctor away

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    Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?
     
  16. Papapishu

    Papapishu 我是康

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    As usual, they have got it backwards.
    The deal was; the israelits had a social security system that said that if a woman was widowed, her late husbands brother (or closest living male relative) should marry herm because otherwise she might not be able to handle economicaly.
    Both parts happy, the brother gets a(nother) wife, the widow gets economic security.
    The sin in that case was that Onan, being the brother in question, when ordered to perform his duty to impregnate his late brothers wife, pulled out prematurely, "spilling it on the earth", thus sinning against the law.

    The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery".
    And the bible is still unclear wether masturbation is concidered adultery, which it can't if you're married, can it?
     
  17. D66

    D66 Grey Pilgrim

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    So to elaborate,
    (and yes I am Catholic)
    Even in a Catholic Bible,
    The sin of Onan was that of Oathbreaking. Not sexual misconduct.
    Heh, I argued this subject just yesterday with a by-the-book Catholic.
     
  18. Nickelass

    Nickelass In the Flesh?

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    :lol: i was thinking that too.
     
  19. AriTheDog

    AriTheDog frog steering expert

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    I came.
     
  20. Sam_The_Man

    Sam_The_Man I am the Hugh Grant of Thatcherism

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    So you can commit adultery if you lie still and let her go on top?
     

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