Lincoln = Kennedy

[QUALTHWAR]

Dude! The evidence is in, and it’s CONCLUSIVE!! I’ve been working on this (secretly) for years, and now I have the proof. President Lincoln and President Kennedy are (were) the same person. I first heard about this when I stayed at a Salvation Army house for one night. I met a fellow there who said that Jethro Bodine of the Beverly Hillbillies used to be his babysitter. At first I was skeptical, but then he presented evidence that proved he was from Hollywood California.

He told a story about how President Lincoln and President Kennedy were the same person. President Lincoln never died. He was kept in suspended animation until technology caught up enough to address his head injuries. Old man Kennedy, I forget his name (I think it was Skipper, or Joe) killed off the real John Kennedy and planted Lincoln in his place. They were to create a word without Snapple, but upon Kennedy’s (Lincoln’s) death, that dream died.

Lincoln shaved his beard, lost that tall hat he used to wear, and updated his wardrobe. After that, he looked just like JFK. Don’t believe it?! Never did I until the evidence came in.

I had a team of experts analyze photos of Lincoln and Kennedy and the facts are clear: Lincoln = Kennedy! Check out the photos I’ve compiled for you. The first photo is of Lincoln, and the second is of Lincoln with his beard shaved, no tall hat, and updated clothes. The third picture is from our team of animation experts who has drawn a beard back on Lincoln, and modified his clothes so he wears the exact same clothes he did years ago. The resemblance is uncanny. Now you can’t tell me that’s not Lincoln. That’s right! The guy in the middle is Lincoln without his beard!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

You need further proof? Both Lincoln and Kennedy had dark hair. Both had a wife, both were president, both had a vice president, and both gave public speeches. You can’t make this stuff up.

 

[AMmayhem]

Put down the bottle Qualth...

 

[nELsOn]

OMG! that photo series is teh evidence. i will spread the word

 

[UBerserker]

I see pr0 speculation.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I realize that it may be difficult for people to understand and believe, but this is what happened: The animation experts scanned the middle photo into their computers. With magic software, the program is able to extrapolate a 3D shape from the 2D picture.

Anyone ever see that movie Enemy of the State? That guy Will Juitpaoonniliatuenrewm, or maybe it was Jones or Smith starred in it. Anyway, he’s standing in a boutique with a bag and someone slips something into the bag. The CIA, DOD, or FBI, or maybe it was the Colgate Cavity Patrol had surveillance footage of Will and the bag and noticed a different bulge in the bag after the guy slipped something into it. Then using their magic computer program, they were able to extrapolate a 3D version of the bag.

Well, it’s just like that! The program is able to create this 3D environment from a 2D image. Anyway, so they took that center picture, created the 3D model from it, turned the body slightly to match the first image, drew a beard on the face, changed the hair style, modified the clothing, and viola, it looks just like Lincoln because it IS Lincoln.

You may have noticed that Lincoln appears to have larger ears in the first picture, but the smaller ears in the second picture can be explained by the introduction of Ruffles potato chips. There is something in those chips, I think it’s contained in the ridges, that causes people’s ears to shrink up. See, back in Lincoln’s day, they didn’t have Ruffles. If they had, his ears would have been smaller then.

I can prove all this if someone will just send me some bail money. It’s difficult to continue this investigation from this cramped cell. Also, I need cigarette money. I don’t smoke, but I need it for bargaining.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Ok, I can tell by your silence that “some” of you may be skeptical. How can 2D be converted to 3D? In the next pic I’ve included, you’ll see the lady from the statue of uitbert and the animated version of her spewing her guts in a vomit bag. That’s right! It’s that difficult to tell the difference. In the first image, you see the statue lady; I think her name is Agnes, or maybe Anus, but that’s not the point. The point is, our team of computer scan-animation-carwash people has scanned in an image of Agnes/Anus and modified her “significantly. “ And I’d like to exemplify the “cantly” part of that last word. That’s right! Finland!

Anyway, if I can get you guys to focus here and stop getting off the subject, the vomit lady and the torch lady are the same person. That’s the power of computer stuff! Sorry, I don’t mean to get so technical. Also, cantly!

Some of the people I know say, “What the fluffy kitty are you going on about?!” Exactly! And that’s why we need to set up a fund to restore vomit lady. Later on in this program, I will name 3 or 4 pizza places that will accept donations for stuff. Some are closed due to something, but others will be willing to take your donations. Please be advised. Thank you.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

When I was a kid and lived on a farm, we had a pet pig named Chauncey. Okay.

 

[Balton]

You can drive a Lincoln but not a Kennedy. Call me skeptical but I don't buy your theory. Further evidence regarding the car paradox may sway my opinion

 

[Cat Fuzz]

I agree with Balton. Who ever heard of driving a Kennedy? Well, Marilyn Monroe RODE a Kennedy, but she never drove one. Hardly conclusive evidence.

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Ok, then how do you explain Atlantis, cow licks, and 99-cent stores?

 

[QUALTHWAR]

You can drive a Lincoln but not a Kennedy. Call me skeptical but I don't buy your theory. Further evidence regarding the car paradox may sway my opinion

Further evidence? Fine, how about this. The animation team scanned in a picture of Rosie O’D. This, obviously, is a “shaven” Rosie. But as you’ll see, if she stops shaving her body, you end up with Bigfoot. This further supports my theory that many of these Bigfoot sightings can be explained by a lazy Rosie who stopped shaving and wearing makeup for the weekend and is roaming the woods in search of grub(s).

What does this have to do with Lincoln? Well, I think the first thing you have to understand is even though 2 photos can appear to show 2 completely different persons, they can in fact be the same person, and the power of the magic computer program can help reveal this.

 

[Balton]

Further evidence? Fine, how about this. The animation team scanned in a picture of Rosie O’D. This, obviously, is a “shaven” Rosie. But as you’ll see, if she stops shaving her body, you end up with Bigfoot. This further supports my theory that many of these Bigfoot sightings can be explained by a lazy Rosie who stopped shaving and wearing makeup for the weekend and is roaming the woods in search of grub(s).

What does this have to do with Lincoln? Well, I think the first thing you have to understand is even though 2 photos can appear to show 2 completely different persons, they can in fact be the same person, and the power of the magic computer program can help reveal this.

Uh... I think you're missing the point with Rosie and bigfoot. Pastries is where I get my facts from. Kennedy claimed to be a Berliner and Lincoln would not deny that he's an Amerikaner. There's a gap the length of the atlantic ocean between the two and then some.
Pastry don't lie!

 

[QUALTHWAR]

I’m sorry, but I need your answer in the form of a donut.

 

[Cat Fuzz]

<homer> Mmmmmmmm, forbidden donut. </homer>

 

[UBerserker]

Well, I think the first thing you have to understand is even though 2 photos can appear to show 2 completely different persons, they can in fact be the same person, and the power of the magic computer program can help reveal this.

How?

 

[QUALTHWAR]

zeros and ones

 

[Twrecks]

Zero and one are the same number!
Any number devided by itself is one, and any number devidied by zero is zero. In fact if you raise either to any power they don't change. It's a binary conspiracy conceived by Apple computer, by putting a zero and a one on the same button, further perpetuated by Microsoft when discovered you need to hit the start button to turn off your computer, BUT ARE YOU?!!
I beleive u Q, only through deception can the real truth be known, and what better tool than a computer. Zero and ones! lOl

 

[Cat Fuzz]

 

[QUALTHWAR]

Zero and one are the same number!
Any number devided by itself is one, and any number devidied by zero is zero. In fact if you raise either to any power they don't change. It's a binary conspiracy conceived by Apple computer, by putting a zero and a one on the same button, further perpetuated by Microsoft when discovered you need to hit the start button to turn off your computer, BUT ARE YOU?!!
I beleive u Q, only through deception can the real truth be known, and what better tool than a computer. Zero and ones! lOl

Not all numbers dived by themselves come out to one. Zero is a number, and zero divided by zero is Indeterminate.

Any number divided by zero is not zero.

For example, 10 divided by 0 = ?

10 / 0 = x
0 times x = 10
What number is x?