I have this problem. Its a fairly serious one. Its like a mental illness, but worse. Because there is nothing physically wrong with my brain. Its a matter of internal mental conflict, two sides of me, the logical and the emotional, the id and the superego, warring with each other.
On one hand, I hate everything man is. I hate the way we defy nature. I hate the way we are born into this world and all we contribute back is destruction. I hate the fact that all we give back to nature is clear cutting and pollution. I hate the way we pock-mark our mother Earth with mortar shells and bomb impact craters. I hate the way we erect concrete jungles and proclaim in one fell swoop that we have both defied nature and stroked our own over inflated egos by doing so. I hate how we all refuse to look beyond our own lives and see all the problems occuring everywhere. I hate the way we look at people less fortunate than us and all it makes us feel is lucky... lucky that we're not in their place, and yet we do nothing about it. I hate everything we do. I hate how petty we are. I hate how we screw each other over for our own instant gratification.
And on the other hand, I wish I could be like those people. I wish I had never seen what I have, or been where I have been. I wish I could be happy with who I am and what I have. I wish I could just concentrate on today. I wish I could just feel alive for once. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and smile and know that today would be a good day. I wish I could walk down the streets downtown and feel happy with everything.
I want to be what I hate the most. You wonder where my anger comes from? It comes from this. It comes from the fact that I'm jealous of what I hate. I don't hate them because I can't have it, because I have had what they have. I hate it because it makes me sick. And still I want it.
<img src="http://badmojojacket.homestead.com/files/bmj.gif" alt="Bad.Mojo: Born to Kill">
On one hand, I hate everything man is. I hate the way we defy nature. I hate the way we are born into this world and all we contribute back is destruction. I hate the fact that all we give back to nature is clear cutting and pollution. I hate the way we pock-mark our mother Earth with mortar shells and bomb impact craters. I hate the way we erect concrete jungles and proclaim in one fell swoop that we have both defied nature and stroked our own over inflated egos by doing so. I hate how we all refuse to look beyond our own lives and see all the problems occuring everywhere. I hate the way we look at people less fortunate than us and all it makes us feel is lucky... lucky that we're not in their place, and yet we do nothing about it. I hate everything we do. I hate how petty we are. I hate how we screw each other over for our own instant gratification.
And on the other hand, I wish I could be like those people. I wish I had never seen what I have, or been where I have been. I wish I could be happy with who I am and what I have. I wish I could just concentrate on today. I wish I could just feel alive for once. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and smile and know that today would be a good day. I wish I could walk down the streets downtown and feel happy with everything.
I want to be what I hate the most. You wonder where my anger comes from? It comes from this. It comes from the fact that I'm jealous of what I hate. I don't hate them because I can't have it, because I have had what they have. I hate it because it makes me sick. And still I want it.
<img src="http://badmojojacket.homestead.com/files/bmj.gif" alt="Bad.Mojo: Born to Kill">