Ok, anyone in the goth scene's probably heard this. It's a goth's version of Happy Birthday. I've gotten friends together and compiled all the verses we could find. Here's the whole thing:
THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
tune: "Volga Boatmen"
Chorus between each verse:
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
1. Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
2. Children dying far and near They say that cancer's caused by beer
3. Death, destruction, and despair
People dying everywhere
4. Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row
5. Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
6. Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
7. Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
8. Soon your hair will all turn grey
Then fall out (or so they say)
9. Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, rape the sheep
10. Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight
11. Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
12. May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake
13. We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
14. May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
15. They stole your sword, your gold, your house, took your sheep but not your spouse
16. This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
17. While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you
18. We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud
19. You're a period cook, its true
Ask the beetles in the stew
20. Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
21. Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
22. I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
23. It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
24. So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
25. Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
26. Now your jail-bait days are done
Let's go out and have some fun
27. See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
28. Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues
29. You must marry very soon
Baby's due the next full moon
30. When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
------------------
"Who's up for the donkey show and some unholy butt sex?!" -- Lloyd Kaufman
THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
tune: "Volga Boatmen"
Chorus between each verse:
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
1. Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
2. Children dying far and near They say that cancer's caused by beer
3. Death, destruction, and despair
People dying everywhere
4. Typhoid, plague and polio
Coffins lined up in a row
5. Now you are the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
6. Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
7. Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
8. Soon your hair will all turn grey
Then fall out (or so they say)
9. Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, rape the sheep
10. Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight
11. Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
12. May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake
13. We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
14. May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
15. They stole your sword, your gold, your house, took your sheep but not your spouse
16. This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
17. While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you
18. We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud
19. You're a period cook, its true
Ask the beetles in the stew
20. Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
21. Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
22. I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
23. It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
24. So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
25. Now you've lived another year
Age to you is like stale beer
26. Now your jail-bait days are done
Let's go out and have some fun
27. See the wrinkles on your face
Like the pattern of fine lace
28. Were I sitting in your shoes
I'd go out and sing the blues
29. You must marry very soon
Baby's due the next full moon
30. When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
------------------
"Who's up for the donkey show and some unholy butt sex?!" -- Lloyd Kaufman
