101 Ways To Be Annoying
<OL TYPE=1><LI>Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
<LI>In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
<LI>Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
<LI>Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeeep Bip..."
<LI>If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
<LI>Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the
screen.
<LI>Speak only in a "robot" voice.
<LI>Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
<LI>Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will
"swipe your grub."
<LI>Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
<LI>Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
<LI>Sniffle incessantly.
<LI>Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
<LI>Name your dog "Dog."
<LI>Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned
up."
<LI>Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
<LI>Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
<LI>Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your
airspace."
<LI>Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
<LI>Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
<LI>Practice making fax and modem noises.
<LI>Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
<LI>Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
<LI>Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the
appearance of ignorance.
<LI>Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider
person."
<LI>Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
<LI>Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
<LI>Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the
impression that youll be saying more any moment.
<LI>Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
<LI>Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
<LI>Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
<LI>Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
<LI>Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that
way."
<LI>Drum on every available surface.
<LI>Staple papers in the middle of the page.
<LI>Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
<LI>Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
<LI>Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
<LI>Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
<LI>Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
<LI>Set alarms for random times.
<LI>Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
<LI>Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
<LI>Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
<LI>Honk and wave to strangers.
<LI>Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
<LI>Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
<LI>Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
<LI>Wear your pants backwards.
<LI>Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
<LI>Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
<LI>ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
<LI>only type in lowercase.
<LI>dont use any punctuation either
<LI>Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
<LI>Pay for your dinner with pennies.
<LI>Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
<LI>Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
<LI>Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
<LI>Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy
theories.
<LI>Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone
now."
<LI>Light road flares on a birthday cake.
<LI>Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
<LI>Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
<LI>Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
<LI>At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
<LI>When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
<LI>Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
<LI>As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
<LI>Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
<LI>Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
<LI>Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
<LI>Drive half a block.
<LI>Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
<LI>Ask people what gender they are.
<LI>Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
<LI>Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
<LI>Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you dont want to fall off "in case the
big one comes."
<LI>Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the
Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
<LI>While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
<LI>Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
<LI>Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
<LI>Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its
a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
<LI>Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
<LI>Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
<LI>Wear a LOT of cologne.
<LI>Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your
"superior mental processing."
<LI>Sing along at the opera.
<LI>Mow your lawn with scissors.
<LI>At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
<LI>Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
<LI>Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesnt rhyme.
<LI>Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter
something about "psychological profiles."
<LI>Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
<LI>Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
<LI>Never make eye contact.
<LI>Never break eye contact.
<LI>Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
<LI>Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
<LI>Make appointments for the 31st of September.
<LI>Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
</OL>
------------------
"There is no point in tip-toeing through life to get safely to death."
"Whom ever sacrifices freedom for security get's nor deserves either."
-Lizard Of Oz -aka- {PuF}Lizard- nguid = 108675
[This message has been edited by Lizard Of Oz (edited 01-11-2000).]
<OL TYPE=1><LI>Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
<LI>In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
<LI>Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
<LI>Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip
Beeeep Bip..."
<LI>If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
<LI>Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the
screen.
<LI>Speak only in a "robot" voice.
<LI>Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
<LI>Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will
"swipe your grub."
<LI>Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
<LI>Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
<LI>Sniffle incessantly.
<LI>Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
<LI>Name your dog "Dog."
<LI>Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned
up."
<LI>Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
<LI>Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
<LI>Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your
airspace."
<LI>Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
<LI>Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
<LI>Practice making fax and modem noises.
<LI>Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
<LI>Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
<LI>Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the
appearance of ignorance.
<LI>Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider
person."
<LI>Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
<LI>Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
<LI>Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the
impression that youll be saying more any moment.
<LI>Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
<LI>Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
<LI>Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
<LI>Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
<LI>Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that
way."
<LI>Drum on every available surface.
<LI>Staple papers in the middle of the page.
<LI>Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
<LI>Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
<LI>Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
<LI>Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
<LI>Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
<LI>Set alarms for random times.
<LI>Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
<LI>Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
<LI>Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
<LI>Honk and wave to strangers.
<LI>Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
<LI>Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
<LI>Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
<LI>Wear your pants backwards.
<LI>Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
<LI>Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
<LI>ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
<LI>only type in lowercase.
<LI>dont use any punctuation either
<LI>Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
<LI>Pay for your dinner with pennies.
<LI>Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
<LI>Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
<LI>Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
<LI>Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy
theories.
<LI>Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone
now."
<LI>Light road flares on a birthday cake.
<LI>Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
<LI>Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
<LI>Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
<LI>At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
<LI>When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
<LI>Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
<LI>As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
<LI>Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
<LI>Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
<LI>Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done,
announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
<LI>Drive half a block.
<LI>Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
<LI>Ask people what gender they are.
<LI>Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
<LI>Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
<LI>Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you dont want to fall off "in case the
big one comes."
<LI>Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the
Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
<LI>While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
<LI>Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
<LI>Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
<LI>Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim its
a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
<LI>Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
<LI>Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
<LI>Wear a LOT of cologne.
<LI>Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your
"superior mental processing."
<LI>Sing along at the opera.
<LI>Mow your lawn with scissors.
<LI>At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
<LI>Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
<LI>Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesnt rhyme.
<LI>Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter
something about "psychological profiles."
<LI>Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
<LI>Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
<LI>Never make eye contact.
<LI>Never break eye contact.
<LI>Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
<LI>Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
<LI>Make appointments for the 31st of September.
<LI>Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
</OL>
------------------
"There is no point in tip-toeing through life to get safely to death."
"Whom ever sacrifices freedom for security get's nor deserves either."
-Lizard Of Oz -aka- {PuF}Lizard- nguid = 108675
[This message has been edited by Lizard Of Oz (edited 01-11-2000).]
