Coming home today I see this guy at an intersection with a sign: “Hungry. Need money for food.” Or something like that. So I’m thinking that some of the more forward-thinking bums might realize that a better sign might net them more bounty. If they could save like 50 cents each day for 6 days, they could buy one of my signs for 3 bucks. The sign should pay for itself within a day or so. Here are some of the signs they can pick from:
Help me help you stimulate the economy.
My wife thinks I’m golfing. It was the only way I could explain this tan.
Come on, people! This Crack Habit ain’t cheap, ya know.
I’m an honest bum. Need money for booze.
Penis fell off. Need money to reattach.
Girlfriend wants to enhance. Need funds.
Got fired from my job for doing this very thing during my lunch break.
I gotta **** like a mother****er, but if I leave this spot someone else will take it. Hurry; need money NOW!!
I’m my own boss.
Need money for vacation.
I don’t like this job, but someone has to do it.
I’ve been standing here so long that I’m growing roots.
Pay me to stop farting in your general direction.
I heard George W. started this way.
The bad thing about this gig is you can’t scratch your itchy balls.
I had a nightmare last night that I was standing on this very corner bumming for money.
My bully wants his beer money.
I have fleas. Need collar.
Need food money. 1000 head lice don’t fill you up like you’d think.
Money = Gun = Rob convenience store = You don’t have to look at me anymore.
I quit my job for this?
**** my pants. Need diapers.
This is just Step One of my Master Plan to rule the world.
Pay me now or I’ll pee on your car.
My dog ate my resume. Need money for new dog.
When you’re poor, everything tastes like chicken.
You try eating soup 3 times a day and not crapping your pants.
Can’t afford to pay me? I can help. Payments plans available.
Please add 20% to my handout. Uncle Sam wants his cut.
I swear to god! I’ll hunt you down and stab you in the head if you ignore me.
Trying to break vicious circle. Mother-in-law keeps coming to house for a visit. So I quit job and will certainly lose house with this gig.
I bet you’d give me money if I were a blonde with big tits.
Tired of using cow dung as a pillow. Need money for real pillow.
Bridge for sale.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “He’ll just spend it all on booze.” Wrong! I’m also a smoker.
Get real, people. You can’t buy wine with apples.
Need sex change operation.
Either money or I take my pants off. What’s it gonna to be?!
Yacht needs annual barnacle scraping.
Need money for chair so I can sit on my lazy ass while doing this.
Lost job! Accidentally hit “Replay All.”
Need razor blades to ritualistically shave my testicles.
If everyone would just give me a dollar, I could stop doing this for a week and we’d both get a break.
Need money to supplement family income. Wife works at Hooters and only has A-cups.
Losing my buzz. Please help.
Help me help you stimulate the economy.
My wife thinks I’m golfing. It was the only way I could explain this tan.
Come on, people! This Crack Habit ain’t cheap, ya know.
I’m an honest bum. Need money for booze.
Penis fell off. Need money to reattach.
Girlfriend wants to enhance. Need funds.
Got fired from my job for doing this very thing during my lunch break.
I gotta **** like a mother****er, but if I leave this spot someone else will take it. Hurry; need money NOW!!
I’m my own boss.
Need money for vacation.
I don’t like this job, but someone has to do it.
I’ve been standing here so long that I’m growing roots.
Pay me to stop farting in your general direction.
I heard George W. started this way.
The bad thing about this gig is you can’t scratch your itchy balls.
I had a nightmare last night that I was standing on this very corner bumming for money.
My bully wants his beer money.
I have fleas. Need collar.
Need food money. 1000 head lice don’t fill you up like you’d think.
Money = Gun = Rob convenience store = You don’t have to look at me anymore.
I quit my job for this?
**** my pants. Need diapers.
This is just Step One of my Master Plan to rule the world.
Pay me now or I’ll pee on your car.
My dog ate my resume. Need money for new dog.
When you’re poor, everything tastes like chicken.
You try eating soup 3 times a day and not crapping your pants.
Can’t afford to pay me? I can help. Payments plans available.
Please add 20% to my handout. Uncle Sam wants his cut.
I swear to god! I’ll hunt you down and stab you in the head if you ignore me.
Trying to break vicious circle. Mother-in-law keeps coming to house for a visit. So I quit job and will certainly lose house with this gig.
I bet you’d give me money if I were a blonde with big tits.
Tired of using cow dung as a pillow. Need money for real pillow.
Bridge for sale.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “He’ll just spend it all on booze.” Wrong! I’m also a smoker.
Get real, people. You can’t buy wine with apples.
Need sex change operation.
Either money or I take my pants off. What’s it gonna to be?!
Yacht needs annual barnacle scraping.
Need money for chair so I can sit on my lazy ass while doing this.
Lost job! Accidentally hit “Replay All.”
Need razor blades to ritualistically shave my testicles.
If everyone would just give me a dollar, I could stop doing this for a week and we’d both get a break.
Need money to supplement family income. Wife works at Hooters and only has A-cups.
Losing my buzz. Please help.
