I can't believe I seriously listened through it all. Well, I didn't. But I did check out every song. Now go ahead, head on over to the official site and do the same! Or at least see it on Saturday. Remember: it's the only time of the year that being racist and chauvinistic is publically accepted. Here we go!
Albania - A little on the melancholic side, but generally a decent melody that reminds of last year's winner at times.
Andorra - My ears! Eurodance died, for Christ's sake. The lyrics inspire to violence.
Armenia - This song could be quite good if the poppy singing-parts of the song were replaced with more of the ethno-arias. The drums are fun.
Azerbaijan - First time the country participates. Regular East-European gay entry. The video has more pathos than even DJ Bobo usually employs, but the song itself isn't bad.
Belarus - Pointless and boring pop.
Belgium - Dear God. This year's fantasy language entry. Alcohol recommended for consumption.
Bosnia & Herzegovina - This was a little unexpected: Bosnia with a foray into light-hearted, happy pop. I actually quite dig the song's melody.
Bulgaria - I believe this is what Bulgarians call a "genre mix". I don't even mind the electronic bits, but ears start bleeding when the raggae-rhythm meets the godawful repetitive singing.
Croatia - Very, very good. Just the right amount of ethno-elements (and we all know that only 'high' is the right amount) and a great tune. An expected (and deserved) winner.
Cyprus - This song almost exlusively consists of singing. It's seriously lacking in instruments. I can't think of much more to say about it.
Czech Republic - "We really get along, just like the sun goes with the sunshine. Like a grape goes with a grapevine, but you think in a blink that I’ll be bad to you." It rhymes, so it must be poetry!
Danmark - It's so... normal. Could be on heavy rotation on all the standard radio channels, which isn't a good thing.
Estonia - Comedy entry. Combining various languages to suck up for votes. Due to the limited comedy aspect it won't even garner much anti-votes. Pointless.
Finland - It's the annual Finnish metal entry. Not my cup of tea, but better than the bands of previous years. Will probably attract a large share of votes.
France - This is a great entry. The song definitely has potential to be a big hit in Europe this summer, but it doesn't really fit into Eurovision at all. If the decision was based on musical merits only, we'd have a winner.
Georgia - The token serious entry. Definitely has its moments (which definitely aren't in the beginning verse) and sports a catchy chorus. I like it.
Germany - Pop anthem. Chorus not bad, rest hopelessly boring. Will probably finish somewhat high, for the sole reason that no one can possibly actively dislike the song; but has absolutely no winning chance because it fails to stand out at all.
Greece - Another pop anthem, it reminds me of Jennifer Lopez. Once again, it's not really bad, but also not interesting at all except for the little Balkan bits thrown in before the last chorus.
Great Britain - Europe is shocked: the British send in a non-pisstake entry. And truth be told, it's not bad at all - solid pop funk that's not even particularly annoying if you listen to it only once or twice.
Hungary - A ballad. Perhaps the least original of them all. Boring and overly long (by Eurovision standards).
Israel - As a Eurovision-compatible ballad, this song has serious chances to win. That wouldn't be a bad thing - I really like this.
Ireland - The heir of last year's Ukrainian entry. It's not as bad, really, and certainly better than the past British attempts at humourous stabs at Eurovision, but still very annoying. Because it's the strongest comedy contender this year it'll finish quite high though.
Iceland - Awful. One can only hope that the few remaining Eurodance supporters (why?) will divide their votes between the contenders and thus leave them on the last ranks.
Latvia - Oh God. This hurts. So much. This might be the reason why NATO will resume their bombardments of Belgrade.
Lithuania - "Tonight I’ll try to rip out this aching heart, it’s filled with you. It’s filled with lonely pain! Obey!" Most ridiculous text of this year's contest. Enjoy.
Malta - Eurodance. Dead. Keep it that way.
Macedonia - Truly annoying. No one likes the Black Eyed Peas, not even with Balkan beats.
Moldova - Background music.
Montenegro - This guy makes up for the lack of Italians in the contest. But then again, just who likes Eros Ramazotti? I don't. Saving grace: The video was shot in a town I've been to on vacation. I think so was last year's Montenegrin entry.
Netherlands - More Jennifer Lopez meets Balkan beats. Not awful, not interesting. It'll be more exciting to see whether she or the Greek dudette will fair better.
Norway - Booooooooring.
Poland - It's a typical, but decent ballad. This kind of stuff usually finishes high.
Portugal - Ethno-ballad that sounds a bit like last year's winner - just not as hymnal. I see a pattern here.
Romania - BALLAD-ALARM. We got it, guys. Ballads do well. I prefer it to Poland's and Portugal's entry in any case, the singing by the Opera guy is considerably better.
Russia - No bubble-gum pop this year. Instead another verse-chorus-verse pop ballad. Justin Timberlake meets Vladimir Putin.
San Marino - It's Linkin Park in Italian, just not as annoying as that might sound. In fact, if it wasn't for the singing I could see myself listening to the tune a lot more often. But yeh, they won't win anything with something like this at Eurovision.
Sweden - Pop. Pop. Poop. This dudette is a previous winner disguised as some kind of horrible bastard child of Kylie Minogue and Celine Dion.
Switzerland - One Ramazotti-clone is more than enough, Europe. This one even sings in Italian. I really don't see the point.
Serbia - If you say you've heard it before, you're quite right by now. But it's yet another ballad with a tune that doesn't annoy much (besides the horrible "Nuna nej, nuna nuna nuna nunu nunu nej"-chorus perhaps), so yet another serious contender for the Eurovision title.
Slovenia - I liek Techno!!1! Well, not this kind. The beat is just a little too simple, you see.
Spain - Well, it's a break from the ballads. The tune is quite catchy, and that's where the positive description ends. Why do comedy entries have to come in this form? Contender for one of the last places.
Turkey - It's the Manics! Singing in Turkish. But maybe that's just me. I like it in any case, it's a fine song that will probably sell well outside the Song Contest. I can't see the song succeeding within it though, it's too... different. Wouldn't mind being proven wrong though.
Ukraine - More pointless radio-pop. This one sounds like Anastacia a bit. I never liked Anastacia.
Albania - A little on the melancholic side, but generally a decent melody that reminds of last year's winner at times.
Andorra - My ears! Eurodance died, for Christ's sake. The lyrics inspire to violence.
Armenia - This song could be quite good if the poppy singing-parts of the song were replaced with more of the ethno-arias. The drums are fun.
Azerbaijan - First time the country participates. Regular East-European gay entry. The video has more pathos than even DJ Bobo usually employs, but the song itself isn't bad.
Belarus - Pointless and boring pop.
Belgium - Dear God. This year's fantasy language entry. Alcohol recommended for consumption.
Bosnia & Herzegovina - This was a little unexpected: Bosnia with a foray into light-hearted, happy pop. I actually quite dig the song's melody.
Bulgaria - I believe this is what Bulgarians call a "genre mix". I don't even mind the electronic bits, but ears start bleeding when the raggae-rhythm meets the godawful repetitive singing.
Croatia - Very, very good. Just the right amount of ethno-elements (and we all know that only 'high' is the right amount) and a great tune. An expected (and deserved) winner.
Cyprus - This song almost exlusively consists of singing. It's seriously lacking in instruments. I can't think of much more to say about it.
Czech Republic - "We really get along, just like the sun goes with the sunshine. Like a grape goes with a grapevine, but you think in a blink that I’ll be bad to you." It rhymes, so it must be poetry!
Danmark - It's so... normal. Could be on heavy rotation on all the standard radio channels, which isn't a good thing.
Estonia - Comedy entry. Combining various languages to suck up for votes. Due to the limited comedy aspect it won't even garner much anti-votes. Pointless.
Finland - It's the annual Finnish metal entry. Not my cup of tea, but better than the bands of previous years. Will probably attract a large share of votes.
France - This is a great entry. The song definitely has potential to be a big hit in Europe this summer, but it doesn't really fit into Eurovision at all. If the decision was based on musical merits only, we'd have a winner.
Georgia - The token serious entry. Definitely has its moments (which definitely aren't in the beginning verse) and sports a catchy chorus. I like it.
Germany - Pop anthem. Chorus not bad, rest hopelessly boring. Will probably finish somewhat high, for the sole reason that no one can possibly actively dislike the song; but has absolutely no winning chance because it fails to stand out at all.
Greece - Another pop anthem, it reminds me of Jennifer Lopez. Once again, it's not really bad, but also not interesting at all except for the little Balkan bits thrown in before the last chorus.
Great Britain - Europe is shocked: the British send in a non-pisstake entry. And truth be told, it's not bad at all - solid pop funk that's not even particularly annoying if you listen to it only once or twice.
Hungary - A ballad. Perhaps the least original of them all. Boring and overly long (by Eurovision standards).
Israel - As a Eurovision-compatible ballad, this song has serious chances to win. That wouldn't be a bad thing - I really like this.
Ireland - The heir of last year's Ukrainian entry. It's not as bad, really, and certainly better than the past British attempts at humourous stabs at Eurovision, but still very annoying. Because it's the strongest comedy contender this year it'll finish quite high though.
Iceland - Awful. One can only hope that the few remaining Eurodance supporters (why?) will divide their votes between the contenders and thus leave them on the last ranks.
Latvia - Oh God. This hurts. So much. This might be the reason why NATO will resume their bombardments of Belgrade.
Lithuania - "Tonight I’ll try to rip out this aching heart, it’s filled with you. It’s filled with lonely pain! Obey!" Most ridiculous text of this year's contest. Enjoy.
Malta - Eurodance. Dead. Keep it that way.
Macedonia - Truly annoying. No one likes the Black Eyed Peas, not even with Balkan beats.
Moldova - Background music.
Montenegro - This guy makes up for the lack of Italians in the contest. But then again, just who likes Eros Ramazotti? I don't. Saving grace: The video was shot in a town I've been to on vacation. I think so was last year's Montenegrin entry.
Netherlands - More Jennifer Lopez meets Balkan beats. Not awful, not interesting. It'll be more exciting to see whether she or the Greek dudette will fair better.
Norway - Booooooooring.
Poland - It's a typical, but decent ballad. This kind of stuff usually finishes high.
Portugal - Ethno-ballad that sounds a bit like last year's winner - just not as hymnal. I see a pattern here.
Romania - BALLAD-ALARM. We got it, guys. Ballads do well. I prefer it to Poland's and Portugal's entry in any case, the singing by the Opera guy is considerably better.
Russia - No bubble-gum pop this year. Instead another verse-chorus-verse pop ballad. Justin Timberlake meets Vladimir Putin.
San Marino - It's Linkin Park in Italian, just not as annoying as that might sound. In fact, if it wasn't for the singing I could see myself listening to the tune a lot more often. But yeh, they won't win anything with something like this at Eurovision.
Sweden - Pop. Pop. Poop. This dudette is a previous winner disguised as some kind of horrible bastard child of Kylie Minogue and Celine Dion.
Switzerland - One Ramazotti-clone is more than enough, Europe. This one even sings in Italian. I really don't see the point.
Serbia - If you say you've heard it before, you're quite right by now. But it's yet another ballad with a tune that doesn't annoy much (besides the horrible "Nuna nej, nuna nuna nuna nunu nunu nej"-chorus perhaps), so yet another serious contender for the Eurovision title.
Slovenia - I liek Techno!!1! Well, not this kind. The beat is just a little too simple, you see.
Spain - Well, it's a break from the ballads. The tune is quite catchy, and that's where the positive description ends. Why do comedy entries have to come in this form? Contender for one of the last places.
Turkey - It's the Manics! Singing in Turkish. But maybe that's just me. I like it in any case, it's a fine song that will probably sell well outside the Song Contest. I can't see the song succeeding within it though, it's too... different. Wouldn't mind being proven wrong though.
Ukraine - More pointless radio-pop. This one sounds like Anastacia a bit. I never liked Anastacia.
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