1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Two Factor Authentication is now available on BeyondUnreal Forums. To configure it, visit your Profile and look for the "Two Step Verification" option on the left side. We can send codes via email (may be slower) or you can set up any TOTP Authenticator app on your phone (Authy, Google Authenticator, etc) to deliver codes. It is highly recommended that you configure this to keep your account safe.

Ask me about being Jesus.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Cap'n Beeb, Apr 16, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kantham

    Kantham Fool.

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2004
    Messages:
    18,034
    Likes Received:
    2
    Jesus, will Burningmace get the ban stick up his *** for his acting on OT today?
     
  2. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes.

    Edit:

    [​IMG][​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2006
  3. The_Head

    The_Head JB Mapper

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2004
    Messages:
    3,092
    Likes Received:
    0
    Jesus my Lord, will sgt lazy crash ever learn to make posts which can be understood?


    - or shall Itake your answer to Kanthams question as it is likely to be similar.
     
  4. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm hoping it's the latter.
     
  5. _Zd_Phoenix_

    _Zd_Phoenix_ Queen of BuFdom

    Joined:
    May 1, 2001
    Messages:
    5,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey Jesus, (I'm a big fan btw), I'm 39, and a video store attendent in Wichita, only, recently, I turned into a 13 year old chinese girl called Yip Yip. Which made me wonder, if I have sex with myself, does that make me a pedophile?

    Also, are sandals officially back in fashion now that you've officially returned in an official capasity?

    Are you pissed off that homosexuals have been allowed to infiltrate our culture in prominent positions such as flight attendants (especially after 9/11)?

    Did you, or have you ever, hidden under the Pope's hat in order to avoid media attention?

    Why do they hate America?
     
  6. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nah, that just makes you flexible... and slightly arousing.

    I haven't returned, and I have no intentions to do so. I just like to hang back and pull strings from behind the curtain. You know, like the Illuminati.

    I have no qualms with gay people, I've found them to be more polite and tolerant than most straight folk. Speaking of 9/11, I really wish people would just shut up about it already.

    The Pope... let's just say he's got more funk than the '70s ever did. Phew.

    People hate America because they attempt to govern the rule while saying they do it for freedom and justice and democracy and me. It's kinda hard to shake that when I'm hanging out. People come up to me and say "God damn Jesus, why did you tell America they could do <recent incredibly silly action here>?" And I'm all "I never told them to do anything, now hand me that bottle of Captain. :("
     
  7. _Zd_Phoenix_

    _Zd_Phoenix_ Queen of BuFdom

    Joined:
    May 1, 2001
    Messages:
    5,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh if only my half my gentalia and my left leg hadn't remained that of the 35yr old man, I'd have loved you long time...

    Ok...do the illuminati want sandals to be back 'in'?

    You say that, but I've seen them flouncing up and down the aisle, glancing towards the cockpit with ideas of talking it over and flying into people that have badly matched shoes...
     
  8. Balton

    Balton The Beast of Worship

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2001
    Messages:
    13,382
    Likes Received:
    98
    Dear Jesus,

    what do they charge for Met in Valhalla? I imagine that it must be worse than Oktoberfest.
     
  9. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's too bad, maybe I can help you there :)

    The Illuminati have no strong feelings towards sandals one way or the other.

    I don't fly, hate airplanes, so I couldn't really comment on that. Sounds scary though :eek:

    Charge? It's free. :)
     
  10. Slaughter

    Slaughter exsomnis

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2004
    Messages:
    1,022
    Likes Received:
    0
  11. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
  12. Enfyrneaux

    Enfyrneaux New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2002
    Messages:
    1,271
    Likes Received:
    0
    If a man is to ride a bottle of spring water down a hill, does it not improve her problems?
     
  13. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd say she's got problems if she's still with a guy who is riding a bottle of water down a hill... his bits and pieces are going to be scrambled eggs by the time that ride is over.
     
  14. sid

    sid I posted in the RO-me thread
    and all I got was
    a pink username!

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    2,140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey Jesus where is Elvis?
     
  15. GotBeer?

    GotBeer? The nozzle is now calibrating

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you've mistaken Jesus (gee-zus) for Jesus (hey-soos), the illegal down at the corner.

    Dear Jebus,

    What is the Ultimate Question to life, the universe, and everything, to which we already know the answer is "42"?
     
  16. John O'h Diggin

    John O'h Diggin Abstract Chains

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Jesus I thought I saw you last week. You were the guy who mowed my lawn right?
    Nice to see you.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2006
  17. Cap'n Beeb

    Cap'n Beeb Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 1999
    Messages:
    8,106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Switzerland, last I heard.

    How many strokes does it take to reach the perfect orgasm, that's the question.

    This has already been posted, so I suggest you take a break from the internet for a while.
     
  18. GotBeer?

    GotBeer? The nozzle is now calibrating

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    0
    Woah! The answer's been within my grasp (literally) this whole time!
     
  19. AizenSA

    AizenSA The Divine Tyrant

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2005
    Messages:
    838
    Likes Received:
    0
    hey jesus,

    Is there really aliens out there bent on our destruction?? And is our destruction inevitible?

    One more thing will we be mutants like the X-men in the future?
     
  20. Slaughter

    Slaughter exsomnis

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2004
    Messages:
    1,022
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nothing...i just love Met.
    Can i bring my drinking horn with me?
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page