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Old 5th Dec 2001, 12:47 PM   #21
Rukee
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Sarcastic

Quote:
Originally posted by Snarf
YES I AM A FUNNY GUY.
I don`t know how to tell you this.......but...
no your not!!
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 04:44 PM   #22
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This is old but funny.


SANTA STATISTICS:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are
300,000 species of living organisms yet to be
classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this
does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which
only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in
the world. BUT because Santa doesn't (appear to)
handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddhist children, that
reduces the workload to 15% of the total -- 378 million
according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average
(census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's
91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one
good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks
to the different time zones and the rotation of the
earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with
good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park,
hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the
stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the
tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up
the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to
the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which,
of course, we know to be false but for the purposes
of our calculations we will accept), we are now
talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2
million miles, not counting stops to do what most of
us must do at least once every 3.1 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles
per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes
of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth,
the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles
per second -- a conventional reindeer can run, tops,
15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting
element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more
than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh
is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is
invariably described as overweight. On land,
conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could
pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job
with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This
increases the payload -- not even counting the weight of the
sleigh -- to 353,430 tons.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second
creates enormous air resistance -- this will heat the reindeer
up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the
earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will
absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second.
Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost
instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and
create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths
of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal
forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound
Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on
Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 07:02 PM   #23
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LMAO @ Rukee 'n' Snarf

Merry Christmas flaming debate thingy!
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 07:52 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rukee

it`s 100x100 I thought that was the size limmit??
Yes, but it's also over 15 or maybe it's 16 megs. They limit you there too.
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 07:54 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Deathwing
This is old but funny.


SANTA STATISTICS:

Wait a minute. You're not suggesting that Santa doesn't exist, are you?
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Homer: "Marge, Iím pulling an all-nighter for my little girl. Put on a pot of coffee, drink it, and start making burgers."

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Old 5th Dec 2001, 08:09 PM   #26
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Exclamation

Um, no, definitely not!

I'm just relaying information.
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 08:27 PM   #27
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k I mean, i was gonna say.....
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Old 5th Dec 2001, 11:24 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by Deathwing
This is old but funny.


SANTA STATISTICS:
EVERYONE knows Santa sprinkels magic dust on the sleigh and reindeer christmass eve!!!!!
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 01:05 AM   #29
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Talking

Yes, but science knows of no such thing.
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 02:34 AM   #30
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And now, Fox presents, "Sherry and the Anus..."
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 07:51 AM   #31
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it's a "christmas special." exCUSE me if you do't get the joke... =) i'ts 9 am and i'm drunk... i have reason to celebrate, i'm done with my major. first semester of junior year i nailed my last real math course. from now on it's "history of math" and "remedial geometry." life will be sweet.
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 10:21 AM   #32
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Santas making a list and checking it twice...


Santa`s got skills ya know!!


Sant`s gunna be hopping around to get to everyones house!!


He needs this guy to get the job done!!


He`ll be coming down the chimmny!!


He`ll be sneeking around as to not wake up the kidies!!


He sees you when your sleeping!!


and he`s got a lot of places to stop!!


You know he`s gunna be beat when he`s done!!
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My car ownz you!!
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 10:26 AM   #33
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Very festive, Rukee

I'm already experiencing the "thrill" of having my POP account spammed with 3 meg Shockwave Flash christmas games.
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 12:30 PM   #34
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you mean theres some fat bearded guy watching me sleep?!?!?
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 12:32 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally posted by lucifix
you mean theres some fat bearded guy watching me sleep?!?!?
That`s right!!
He know`s if your naughty or nice....
so you better be good for goodness sake!!
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"Take care of your body, where else are you going to live"

My car ownz you!!
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 12:54 PM   #36
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Talking

Quote:
Originally posted by Rukee

That`s right!!
He know`s if your naughty or nice....
so you better be good for goodness sake!!
youre so full of the christmas spirit it's coming out your arse
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Old 6th Dec 2001, 01:08 PM   #37
Rukee
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Quote:
Originally posted by lucifix
youre so full of the christmas spirit it's coming out your arse
Somebody wanna get that for me??
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"This is your life, good to the last drop. It doesn`t get any better then this, and it`s ending ~one minute at a time."
"Take care of your body, where else are you going to live"

My car ownz you!!
Restoration pictures password is 'GTO'
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Old 7th Dec 2001, 12:26 AM   #38
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Everybody thinks Santa's got a raw deal, giving to millions of kids but never getting anything. That, I say, is BS. Who wouldn't want the ability to watch anybody at any time, like for example, this hot babe takin' a shower? He can get all the porno he'd ever want and he'd never even need an internet connection. And he can go into area 51 and see what truth really is out there.

The possibilities are endless....
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Old 7th Dec 2001, 01:03 PM   #39
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Thumbs up

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"This is your life, good to the last drop. It doesn`t get any better then this, and it`s ending ~one minute at a time."
"Take care of your body, where else are you going to live"

My car ownz you!!
Restoration pictures password is 'GTO'
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