Post Poetry Here For Critique

Amanda · 21st Nov 2001, 03:22 AM

Hey everyone... I know that a few people at BuF write poetry, so I thought, why not open a poetry critiquing thread. So everyone, post improvisational poetry. Improvisational poetry is a certain topic given to you by someone else, and you try to write a poem on the topic right off the top of your head. I only write improvisational poetry, so I thought I'd ask y'all too. I'll name a list of improv topic to choose from, and everyone can also critique other poetry. Below is the list.

Improv Topics:

Demonic Enigma
Christianity Declined
Evanescent Return
Celebic Slut
Enchanting Evil
Enrolled in Heaven
Enrolled in Hell
Enveloped Tears

And if none of the above fit your taste, go ahead and make up your own topic, but first state what it was or what topic from the list above you have chosen.

I'll post my poem in a while.

tarquin · 21st Nov 2001, 06:30 AM

there's a neat play on words waiting to be discovered in "christianity declined" I think.

Domon · 21st Nov 2001, 06:36 AM

Okay...

Subject: Breakfast (this actually happened to me this morning!)

Format: Haiku (only type of poem I can write)

Mix four eggs in bowl
Pour into skillet and... ****
I burned them again.

I suck... in both cookin' an' poetry. ^_^;

Tarantella · 21st Nov 2001, 06:41 AM

[Celebic slut category (over 21's section)]

It is a night of dark desire,
A song of dark desire.
Wolves vent their loneliness.
The immortal one rises,
Mist shrouds her brooding form.

A timeless wanting.

Her raven hair cascades over
White shoulders, and her full red lips part
Slightly, to taste the life streaming
From the pale flesh beneath her.
Now a night of taking,

I remember her.

Thats all my own work that is..honest..

tarquin · 21st Nov 2001, 06:42 AM

"she had done her work,
she is with angels," he said.
f*ck you and your god.

iolair · 21st Nov 2001, 06:50 AM

Oh frettled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

Bounca · 21st Nov 2001, 08:27 AM

Little Miss Mofit
Sat on her tufit
When along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said...whats in the bowl biotch

Kray · 21st Nov 2001, 10:54 AM

I hear a voice singing softly,
Like angels crying before me,
Actually, it was only,
My stomach telling me it's hungry,
so I grab a choc' chip cookie,
munch munch munch, I'm now happy.

Amanda · 27th Nov 2001, 01:10 AM

My blackened heart enveloped by his wings,
entrapped within a space of nonexistent socialism.
Enticed by his pupilless eyes,
engaged in benign fear.

His evanescent soul,
carefully mutilating my flesh.
My mind in a daze,
so many thought out thoughts being thought as demons stampede on my soul.

I have examined his fingers and realize they are ghastly,
and I realize, I have just entered Satan's Palace.

That was improvised, and I'm open for revision suggestions.

phil · 27th Nov 2001, 01:20 AM

my haiku. (I'll be adding more)
kids think they have angst
they write generic gothic crap
it makes me want to spew

Amanda · 27th Nov 2001, 02:53 AM

hehe just trying to keep this thread up at the top so yall can reply. oh hell... i forgot... i am leaving in the morning.. and i wont be back 'til friday... oh darn... yall will be lonely without me. hehe... anyways... see you all friday.. i hope to have a lot of topic-related things ... eh?

hehe

yall post post post!

phil · 27th Nov 2001, 10:52 AM

My new hiaku:

your angst sucks alot
people cry over stupid ****
I hope they grow up

[PPP]Redman · 27th Nov 2001, 11:40 AM

Celebic Slut: An Oath To A Belgian BB Contestor:

Blonde hair
looking like it was dyed
to cover up the teeth of time
but it sucks.

Little baby teeth
a disgusting smile.
Little eyes
lodged deeply into your
probably inbreeding-produced
****head.

DIE!!!

Thank you.

Bounca · 27th Nov 2001, 12:20 PM

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

Here is another Jack Handy classic....

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

*Morety* · 27th Nov 2001, 11:08 PM

phil, if you don't like it so be it. It's obvious many people here do. Please stop the flaming poetry. Why don't you try to write something happy like Bounca did?

Witty · 28th Nov 2001, 01:02 AM

Not sure what section this fits into... oh wait, how about comedy?
It reminds me of Dr. Seuss.

Oh dear! Oh dear! What a horrible plight!
My bed and I travelled through time in the night!
Yesterday was my birthday, I'm sixteen you see,
But this calendar here says it's sixty B.C.!
I'm really quite mad, I'd be driving today,
Now why did my bed have to take that away?
I did all my chores, I'd gotten straight A's,
I was starting in football on offensive days,
My life was darn good, leaving it gives me sorrow
Is it possible that I could go back tomorrow?

*grin*
I don't like the ending, and I know that this is a dark and scary thread, but this popped into my head. I'll make my next one better.

Witty · 28th Nov 2001, 01:05 AM

Here goes: a little darker.

I walked slowly through
The dark recesses of the forest
Stopping at every sound
Jumping at my own footsteps

I sat down

On what, I don't know
The sky above me,
The trees around me
Of these, I could see none

Trembling, I felt
The icy grip of Fear
On my mind

I felt his laughter
And I knew
He had won.

How's that? I'm workin on it.

Witty · 28th Nov 2001, 01:21 AM

This is kinda along the lines...

When the harsh wind blows

Through the broken hills

And the days grow dark and long

When the lone wolf howls

His lonely cry

And the rivers run cold and strong

When the sun is lost

Amid clouds of gray

And the peaks are topped with white

Then Winter's icy hands

Already have hold

And life becomes a fight.

[DTK]~*2FazE*~ · 28th Nov 2001, 04:25 AM

My Dream, I be u see, in the library i feel the walls crumble and fall.
I see, i see, my lonely heart cry for thee..
O roses o fear, bring back my lover, i will never yell again,
and if you do i will always love you, even thou your dead.

I use to write alot of poetry but this you can make it be whatever u want.. one more eh??

Roses are red, Voilets are blue, in my back seat we will be gettin it on.. tee hee tee hee hehehee...

phil · 28th Nov 2001, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Morety
phil, if you don't like it so be it. It's obvious many people here do. Please stop the flaming poetry. Why don't you try to write something happy like Bounca did?

/me uses everyone elses excuse when someone asks them to stop there "art"
Hey man dont be getting on my TRUE art! It's art and you have no right to edit it!

you have inspired my latest master work,

censorship is bad
pictures of the dead are ok
fight with a hiaku

21st Nov 2001, 03:22 AM	#1
Amanda Banned Join Date: Nov. 10th, 2001 Location: Institution Posts: 704	Post Poetry Here For Critique Hey everyone... I know that a few people at BuF write poetry, so I thought, why not open a poetry critiquing thread. So everyone, post improvisational poetry. Improvisational poetry is a certain topic given to you by someone else, and you try to write a poem on the topic right off the top of your head. I only write improvisational poetry, so I thought I'd ask y'all too. I'll name a list of improv topic to choose from, and everyone can also critique other poetry. Below is the list. Improv Topics: Demonic Enigma Christianity Declined Evanescent Return Celebic Slut Enchanting Evil Enrolled in Heaven Enrolled in Hell Enveloped Tears And if none of the above fit your taste, go ahead and make up your own topic, but first state what it was or what topic from the list above you have chosen. I'll post my poem in a while. __________________ Misunderstood since November 10, 2001.

21st Nov 2001, 06:36 AM	#3
Domon Hissatsu! Join Date: Oct. 9th, 2001 Posts: 729	Okay... Subject: Breakfast (this actually happened to me this morning!) Format: Haiku (only type of poem I can write) Mix four eggs in bowl Pour into skillet and... **** I burned them again. I suck... in both cookin' an' poetry. ^_^; __________________ [11:51] * Daba_Myrod wants to eat ice cream [11:52] *** Efate is now known as Ice-cream [11:52] * Ice-cream wants to eat you too.

21st Nov 2001, 06:50 AM	#6
iolair Mostly Harmless Join Date: Jun. 4th, 2001 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,636	Oh frettled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't! __________________ http://neil.gratton.org/

21st Nov 2001, 10:54 AM	#8
Kray Time chaser Join Date: Sep. 17th, 2000 Location: Fool's Paradise Posts: 2,241	I hear a voice singing softly, Like angels crying before me, Actually, it was only, My stomach telling me it's hungry, so I grab a choc' chip cookie, munch munch munch, I'm now happy. __________________ [ Kray's Portfolio of Sigs ] --- [ Tired of pop-ups? Try AdShield ] --- [ List of BuFFers who've changed their names ]

27th Nov 2001, 01:10 AM	#9
Amanda Banned Join Date: Nov. 10th, 2001 Location: Institution Posts: 704	My blackened heart enveloped by his wings, entrapped within a space of nonexistent socialism. Enticed by his pupilless eyes, engaged in benign fear. His evanescent soul, carefully mutilating my flesh. My mind in a daze, so many thought out thoughts being thought as demons stampede on my soul. I have examined his fingers and realize they are ghastly, and I realize, I have just entered Satan's Palace. That was improvised, and I'm open for revision suggestions. __________________ Misunderstood since November 10, 2001.

21st Nov 2001, 06:30 AM	#2
tarquin design is flawed Join Date: Oct. 11th, 2000 Location: UK Posts: 3,898	there's a neat play on words waiting to be discovered in "christianity declined" I think.

21st Nov 2001, 06:41 AM	#4
Tarantella Dances with spiders. Join Date: Apr. 1st, 2001 Posts: 102	[Celebic slut category (over 21's section)] It is a night of dark desire, A song of dark desire. Wolves vent their loneliness. The immortal one rises, Mist shrouds her brooding form. A timeless wanting. Her raven hair cascades over White shoulders, and her full red lips part Slightly, to taste the life streaming From the pale flesh beneath her. Now a night of taking, I remember her. Thats all my own work that is..honest..

21st Nov 2001, 06:42 AM	#5
tarquin design is flawed Join Date: Oct. 11th, 2000 Location: UK Posts: 3,898	"she had done her work, she is with angels," he said. f*ck you and your god.

21st Nov 2001, 08:27 AM	#7
Bounca Unemployed Loser Join Date: Jan. 18th, 2000 Posts: 424	Little Miss Mofit Sat on her tufit When along came a spider And sat down beside her And said...whats in the bowl biotch

27th Nov 2001, 01:20 AM	#10
phil Banned Join Date: Jan. 3rd, 2000 Posts: 3,514	my haiku. (I'll be adding more) kids think they have angst they write generic gothic crap it makes me want to spew

27th Nov 2001, 02:53 AM	#11
Amanda Banned Join Date: Nov. 10th, 2001 Location: Institution Posts: 704	hehe just trying to keep this thread up at the top so yall can reply. oh hell... i forgot... i am leaving in the morning.. and i wont be back 'til friday... oh darn... yall will be lonely without me. hehe... anyways... see you all friday.. i hope to have a lot of topic-related things ... eh? hehe yall post post post! __________________ Misunderstood since November 10, 2001.

27th Nov 2001, 10:52 AM	#12
phil Banned Join Date: Jan. 3rd, 2000 Posts: 3,514	My new hiaku: your angst sucks alot people cry over stupid **** I hope they grow up

27th Nov 2001, 11:40 AM	#13
[PPP]Redman Wu-Tang Swordfighter Join Date: Oct. 26th, 2001 Location: Downtown Jack Pool Bar, Belgium Posts: 401	Celebic Slut: An Oath To A Belgian BB Contestor: Blonde hair looking like it was dyed to cover up the teeth of time but it sucks. Little baby teeth a disgusting smile. Little eyes lodged deeply into your probably inbreeding-produced ***head. DIE!!! Thank you. __________________ "Life... it's nothing more but a fog of animated... death." -"Mommy, what's a Gravedigga?", The Gravediggaz, 6 ft. Deep* Please visit

27th Nov 2001, 12:20 PM	#14
Bounca Unemployed Loser Join Date: Jan. 18th, 2000 Posts: 424	Its not poetry, but it speaks volumes Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing. Here is another Jack Handy classic.... As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

27th Nov 2001, 11:08 PM	#15
Morety The Farterator Join Date: Feb. 23rd, 2000 Location: Toronto Posts: 12,027	phil, if you don't like it so be it. It's obvious many people here do. Please stop the flaming poetry. Why don't you try to write something happy like Bounca did? __________________ ]LoL[Morety\|BuF

28th Nov 2001, 01:02 AM	#16
Witty I hear only yes. Join Date: Aug. 6th, 2001 Location: Provo... somewhere in Utah. Posts: 3,724	Not sure what section this fits into... oh wait, how about comedy? It reminds me of Dr. Seuss. Oh dear! Oh dear! What a horrible plight! My bed and I travelled through time in the night! Yesterday was my birthday, I'm sixteen you see, But this calendar here says it's sixty B.C.! I'm really quite mad, I'd be driving today, Now why did my bed have to take that away? I did all my chores, I'd gotten straight A's, I was starting in football on offensive days, My life was darn good, leaving it gives me sorrow Is it possible that I could go back tomorrow? grin I don't like the ending, and I know that this is a dark and scary thread, but this popped into my head. I'll make my next one better. __________________ Tool is back! Hooray!

28th Nov 2001, 01:05 AM	#17
Witty I hear only yes. Join Date: Aug. 6th, 2001 Location: Provo... somewhere in Utah. Posts: 3,724	Here goes: a little darker. I walked slowly through The dark recesses of the forest Stopping at every sound Jumping at my own footsteps I sat down On what, I don't know The sky above me, The trees around me Of these, I could see none Trembling, I felt The icy grip of Fear On my mind I felt his laughter And I knew He had won. How's that? I'm workin on it. __________________ Tool is back! Hooray!

28th Nov 2001, 01:21 AM	#18
Witty I hear only yes. Join Date: Aug. 6th, 2001 Location: Provo... somewhere in Utah. Posts: 3,724	This is kinda along the lines... When the harsh wind blows Through the broken hills And the days grow dark and long When the lone wolf howls His lonely cry And the rivers run cold and strong When the sun is lost Amid clouds of gray And the peaks are topped with white Then Winter's icy hands Already have hold And life becomes a fight. __________________ Tool is back! Hooray!

28th Nov 2001, 04:25 AM	#19
[DTK]~2FazE~ Skaarj hybrid Join Date: Nov. 26th, 2001 Location: The DTK lobby Posts: 53	My Dream, I be u see... My Dream, I be u see, in the library i feel the walls crumble and fall. I see, i see, my lonely heart cry for thee.. O roses o fear, bring back my lover, i will never yell again, and if you do i will always love you, even thou your dead. I use to write alot of poetry but this you can make it be whatever u want.. one more eh?? Roses are red, Voilets are blue, in my back seat we will be gettin it on.. tee hee tee hee hehehee... __________________ DTK will be the best, I have seen this in my visionZ.

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