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Old 29th Jan 2001, 04:42 PM   #321
LordKhaine
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Talking

Wow, nice to see you again task!. Expect Khaine to start his land attack tomorrow! Taskmaster will be mine!
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Old 30th Jan 2001, 08:27 AM   #322
Taskmaster
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Cool Bruwahhahahah


Just remember to let me and Task 2 live! I have plans for Task 2, and gee.... I don't want to die or have terrible alien test run on me.

I need to have Wolf's fleet/ship involved as well if I am to pull of my envisioned finish. I'm ready to tie up all the loose ends and finish up this "epic".

Then I can go back to posting short, unrelated stories with out the pressure of remembering what I had so-n-so do or say.

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Old 30th Jan 2001, 02:20 PM   #323
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It's late at night on the PuF camping trip. The campfire is slowly fading to embers, amidst a collection of bottles and cans strewn about from a night of drunken mayhem.

Morety and CHRYSt step back from the crowd, into the pitch black of night and head over to the outhouse. They each grab a side of the shack, and move the outhouse back 2 feet. The basement entrance is now strategically positioned in front of the door. CHRYSt and Morety then hide nearby, waiting with their packages of firecrackers, trying not to snicker too loudly.

"Shhh"

"Here comes somebody..."

Stifling snickers, Morety and CHRYSt watch as they can barely make out Taskmaster, making his way for the outhouse. In the faint shadow of the moonlight, the see Task approaching the outhouse, beginning to outstretch his arm toward the handle.

*PBLBLBLBLBAAAATTTTTTTT*

Into the mire falls Taskmaster.

"NOW!" shouts CHRYSt as he lights his row of firecrackers. Morety follows suit.

"HELP! LET ME OUTTA HERE!" screams Task. He looks up to see the smirks on the faces of Morety and CHRYSt. "Uh guys, can you give me a hand here?"

CHRYSt begins to snicker out loud, which sets Morety off into gut retching laughter, setting CHRYSt off into the same.

CHRYSt says "Here ya go Task", and throws in a row of firecrackers. Morety throws his in too. Then they both start lighting and dropping firecrackers into the stool pit containing a very frightened Taskmaster.

"BOOM" The firecrackers seem to have caught a gas pocket. The ensuing explosion shoots Task 500 metres into the air. The p00p flies everywhere, covering Morety and CHRYSt. They look up in the air, only to see Taskmaster plummeting towards them.

CHRYSt steps to one side, and Taskmaster lands on Morety, snapping both their backs, along with several other bones.

CHRYSt, on his way to the lake to take a cleansing swim, thinks "that was worth a bit of p00p on myself". At least I didn't get any into my mouth. That could've set the world record for the biggest hot carl...hey...wait a minute....hmmmmmmmm"
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Old 30th Jan 2001, 03:44 PM   #324
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Cool Surprise from the Realm-of-the-3-assed-monkey

Somehow, that fat dude pictured as my avatar comes out of the woods, drops down his 86-gage-pants and releases a well-blown-turdadellic-incredebly-smelly-suprisingly-harmonic-defecately-carvernous-FART with a smell that would choke a turd-burglar! It's enough to make you run like a girl to the next corner, pass GO, take your 200$ and buy the Marvin Ave. on which you will eventually build 2 hotels, one blue and one red.............
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Old 30th Jan 2001, 04:04 PM   #325
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Question

...but did he wipe his butt?
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Old 30th Jan 2001, 04:16 PM   #326
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Cool eeeeeyuuuuuhk!

Well... I knew I would get that question...
and that is exactly WHY, I DID look in Fatty's undies after the trip. Believe me.... it wasn't pretty!
It actually reminded me of that time where my friend had left a Mars bar in his pack sack when we went to Virginia Beach by horse.....
..........or maybe of that other Dude who had dropped his boxer-shorts on the sun-deck, beside the pool where evrybody was swimming, and that someone was cleaning everything on the deck and asked who's boxer's these were.....
He proudly lift up his arm, since there were little happy faces and lil' jokes you couldn't make out anymore on 'em...
The other turned the boxers around and you could see a pretty nasty slice!!!!!!!!
I can tell you that everybody got out of the pool like a Novice-Player-lucky-enough-to-kick-in-a-multi-kill-and-got-the-flag-by-luck-and-must-now-retreat-to-his-base. The Dude was left alone in his Turd-Soup!
(true story man!)
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Old 30th Jan 2001, 07:12 PM   #327
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Cool Excuse me but...


And all this contributes to the story and entertainment in what way?

That "story" really stinks! Butt seriously I hold this creative story telling in high regard, and try to push out only quality material. Please clean up your act or I will have to log a complaint with the moderators...

Oh wait... Morety is a moderator...

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Old 30th Jan 2001, 08:46 PM   #328
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lmao

Task, you're such a wise cracker

Did you hear John Goodman got busted for drugs? He was crossing the border looking really spaced out. They pulled him over to do a strip search. When he dropped his drawers they found 50 pounds of crack.

...now, back to our regularly scheduled topic...
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Old 31st Jan 2001, 01:34 AM   #329
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Cool Sorry man.....

I know I can't compete with you guys, but I enjoy the board so much I wanted to be a part of something stupid! (for a change....)

Just to finish, at least here this:
You know when you go to a movie and that that a big fat dude that's condemmed to die in the PURPLE MILE*, as they call it, is about ..... to die (no!), well, you know at that exact moment, when everybody in the theater leaves their pop-corn to hold the hand of their girlfriend....? The total silence... no munching nor sipping.... You know heh? Well, at that exact moment....... right there.... in the back of the room...... without any advice or preperation..... someone farted.**
One of the [best moments]/[worst fight with my girl] of my life.

I'm Jim Brockman and these were..... my two cents.

_________________________________________
*Movie title cleverly changed here

**True story.Names have been modified, and obviously the actors as well, since that fat dude wouldn't fit in a theater seat
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Old 31st Jan 2001, 08:24 AM   #330
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Cool Will you look at the time!?



I think I will ingore the "being part of something stupid" comment. I personally don't consider this particualar thread "stupid", although "silly, zany, crazy, weird, sophmoric(?), moronic, and sometimes unrealistic" would all apply.

Obviously I take a certain amount of pride in the stories. I felt some of the last "chapters" I have added to the "epic" (not the silly stuff) were actually pretty good. Not compared to a "real" writer like Ray Bradbury, but not bad for a "common guy." The silly stuff has its moments too, at least and "A" for creative effort. Not many threads can claim to have been around as long (almost two years I think on this one although due to software changes I don't know if the real date it started is still around).

I didn't see "PURPLE MILE*" so I don't know the exact thing you are talking to, but I do know that all creature were made by God, and regarldess of whether your genetic DNA instructs your body to be skinny, short, tall, fat, "ugly", "beautiful" or what have you, doesn't change the fact that we are all the same inside.

I didn't choose to be a tall, normal size white guy. I could have just as easily been born a short, tan Chinese woman. Be thankful for who you are, but don't berate others because you feel somehow superior. I'm sure that "fat" guy (again I didn't see it) didn't wake up one day and say "I want to be really fat so I can be in a movie and people can enjoy making fun of me!"

Just a thought from the "Voice of Reason". Not trying to be mean, and there is no "tone" or attitude in this note. Just trying to give you another side of story. Treat others as you would like to be treated and what a great world this would be.


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Old 31st Jan 2001, 08:37 AM   #331
LordKhaine
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Red face

Leave this thread alone unless you can actually add something to it.

My next post coming soon, as soon as I can get off this crappy P200 and back onto my own comp
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Old 31st Jan 2001, 09:51 AM   #332
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Actually, the farting part at the silent, intense part of the movie is funny imo.

That shoulda been in another thread, yeah, but think about it. I'd have been laughing mao!
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Old 31st Jan 2001, 03:59 PM   #333
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Cool Ok

All right I'll leave it alone....

Just know I'm NOT the kinda guy that bashes people, especially not on the PUF's; I love the people here...
I should have read all the thing before cutting in while the story was in a funny turn.

Don't unload your s**t on me for that. I don't think you're stupid or that this is stupid stuff.

Finally, the fat dude I'm talking about is MY AVATAR!!! Not from the movie. My point was just a fart during an incredibly silent moment. That's all.
Can you guess what I really look like? No? Well, maybe because you never saw me and that it is of no issue here... Black white yellow tall fat short female male or other: it should not matter when thoughts are beyond appearance. I'll leave your story alone and relief my anal phase elsewhere.
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Old 1st Feb 2001, 01:14 AM   #334
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Talking

Beaf, relieve gas pressure HERE
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Old 5th Feb 2001, 06:03 PM   #335
Taskmaster
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Cool Get a whiff...


*Taskmaster remembers when the Off Topic thread was barely visited and a thread would stay on page one for a week or more before being relegated to the heap.

*Taskmaster adds a new "sniffer" mod to his rocket launcher.

*Taskmaster launches a rocket and it immediately flies toward Morety and plows up his rear having detected noxious fumes emitting from his body cavity.

*Taskmaster noticed that Morety enjoyed it for the split second before it exploded, sending his pieces soaring outward in a bloodly and fiery burst.

*Taskmaster doesn't have a good idea for a story yet, so he will have to postpone dying for now...

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Old 5th Feb 2001, 08:17 PM   #336
LordKhaine
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Still stuck on this POS P200....
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All your hidden faces, Your seven veils unfold. Give me forbidden places, All your tales untold.
Give me ever and always, Ever and always, Body and soul
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Old 6th Feb 2001, 12:16 AM   #337
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"Leave this thread alone unless you can actually add something to it. " -LK
"Still stuck on this POS P200...."-LK
*snicker* had to call you on that one LK
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Old 6th Feb 2001, 02:05 PM   #338
Taskmaster
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Cool OK, so I'm bored


*Taskmaster walked around the campus of the UWD (Univeristy of Wannabe Doctors).

*Taskmaster notices a sign "PRACTICE PATIENTS NEEDED... $50!" and facing an empty wallet decides to investigate.

*Taskmaster is "examined" by a beautiful young intern. "Man... and they're gonna pay me for this?"

*Taskmaster is greeted by another young intern with a cart full of supplies. "A cast? Sure go for it..."

*Taskmaster's arm is plastered with a cast. It isn't perfect, but that's why they are practicing.

*Taskmaster has the other arm bandaged with various types of adhesive bandaids.

"Ouch!" "Yeeow!" OW!" "Careful!" screams Taskmaster as each bandaid is ripped from his hairy arm with total disregard for his comfort.

"You girls must have skipped the bedside manners class!" remarked Taskmaster. "Course, I'll be glad to give you a lesson!"

"Uh.. wait a minute..." pleaded Taskmaster as one of the young ladies pulled out the small saw used for removing casts.

*Taskmaster fainted as the blade ripped through the still wet plaster and severed his arm.

*Taskmaster woke to a blurry haze, drugged up from the numerous injects that had been practiced on him. One must have been a powerful pain reliever as he felt NO pain.

*Taskmaster barely notice that his leg had been amuptated, his kidneys removed and a fake hip added.

*Taskmaster DID, however, feel it when the rib-spread cracked open his chest!

****

"Hey look at this!" said the medical student as he pried open the dead hand of the cadaver he had been operating on. "Fifty bucks!"



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Old 6th Feb 2001, 02:09 PM   #339
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Re: Get a whiff...

Quote:
Originally posted by Taskmaster



*Taskmaster noticed that Morety enjoyed it for the split second before it exploded, sending his pieces soaring outward in a bloodly and fiery burst.


Uh, Task, can I ask a favour? Next time can you lube it for me?
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Old 6th Feb 2001, 02:16 PM   #340
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*Morety strolls up the road, not a care in the world, and sees a beautiful blonde, about 21 years old.

*The blonde smiles brightly at Morety

*Morety smiles back

*Morety next comes across a BJ2000 machine, tm-LiquiD_SiN, on the street corner, which accepts VISA.

*Morety slips in his card

*Morety slips in his ****

*Morety smiles as the machine begins to operate

*The machine starts to feel uncomfortable, as the suction device gets stronger and stronger

*Morety loses his smile, and tries to remove his **** from the now painful, malfunctioning BJ2000.

*Too late, Morety's member has been dismembered.

*Morety lays on the street and cries "Mommy" 12 octaves higher than normal while his blood drains completely from his body.

*Morety shrivels up and dies, this was NOT, however, for the amusement of CHRYSt
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