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Old 6th Jun 2001, 07:12 PM   #1
Ballistophobia
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Active Death Technology

Xbox Features Active Death Technology

Redmond, WA - In a bid to out-do competing force-feedback technologies such as Sony's vibrating PlayStation controllers, Microsoft today announced all controllers for the Xbox console will feature the newly-developed "ActiveDeath" technology. "ActiveDeath" actually kills the player when their on-screen character dies through a lethal injection carefully hidden inside the large green circle on the controller surface.
"There's been a lot of investigation on how to involve the player in the game on a physical level," said Microsoft Research Director Greg Thorton, "We've seen vibrating controllers, controllers that administer a small electric shock, and so on. We thought, 'why not take this to the next level and go all the way?'"

Zachary Chan, a college student and avid gamer, was excited by the news. "This is gonna be awesome," he wrote in an e-mail interview. "I know that me and my friends are all going to be getting one. Game over, man! Game over!"

Many question how Microsoft can profit from a product that kills its users, but through a unique licensing scheme Microsoft receives the entirety of the player's estate upon death. "We may not get much repeat business," said Mr. Thorton, "but we'll make up for it in loot we're bequeathed."

The technology seemed to be a hit at this year's E3 as well. Industry executives lined up for a chance to try Unreal: Championship with the ActiveDeath system enabled.

"It adds a huge dimension of emotional urgency to the game that wasn't there before," said one pale-faced programmer, before he keeled over and died.

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Old 6th Jun 2001, 07:14 PM   #2
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Talking

AHAHAHA
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Old 6th Jun 2001, 07:29 PM   #3
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ROFLMAO
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Old 6th Jun 2001, 07:37 PM   #4
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Hehe, here's another.

Charlotte, NC - A review of the MSI's StarForce-822 GeForce3 Card on TunakExtreme.com's site broke a record for "Most Pages in a Video Card Review" with 1,287 pages. The previous record of 1,272 was held by SharkTech.com with their review of the GeForce2 Pro cards.
"Most of our readers are part of the MTV generation who like their news in tiny sound bites. Now they can get their video card reviews in the same way," said Ross Alexander of TunakExtreme.com. "Sure there may be only one or two words per page, but that gives the reader time to absorb the complex technical details that we cover."

In addition to only having a few words per page, the review also broke images up into 100x100 pixel blocks and created separate pages for each one. Mr. Alexander said, "By breaking up the pictures into smaller pieces it forces our readers to use their imagination to bring these images together in their mind. Some people say that making your readers think is bad, not us!"

Some readers complained about having to click through so many pages just for a single sentence. "I got through 476 pages and I'm like, man, this is going on forever. I think the small amount of content per page certainly was 'extreme'."

Other readers disagreed. Karl Kiminski who read the entire review said, "Those whiners are a bunch of losers. They are definitely not leet like me. A review like this really tests if you are serious about your video cards or not. Any idiot can read through a 1 or 2 page review, but you have to be a genius like me to click through over 1,200 pages."

"It's not surprising to see," said Emmit Sams of ExtremelyHardOverclockist.com, "all of the hardware sites have been devastated by the slow down in advertising revenue and they are resorting to anything to increase page views. This borders on ridiculous."

It doesn't look like the trend is going to end anytime soon. Sanjay Gupta of SharkTech.com said, "That record won't stand for long. Our next review will only have one letter per page, and we're breaking up images pixel by pixel. The review should be over 300,000 pages. We'll show those guys over at TunakExtereme.com that they can't mess with us. We're the kings of the multi-page reviews."
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Old 6th Jun 2001, 08:07 PM   #5
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Talking hehe just board hehe

billl? killl? umm rimes but not is way may be if he took something and not let anyone know.


bill: hay nice system u mind if i can take it home to sample it
employer: na.
bil: i let you use my xbox for that time.
employer: ok !!
bill: great here check out the new controller...

:::::::next day..

news: hi ho kermit defrog here we have importen news to day. cops had a found a dead computer programer laying on the floor front of is t.v.
they beleave hes been poison from is still unknown and thats the fifth time it happen this week.

on ebisses, microsoft had made anther brake thowgh to day they had made a new system bill is planed to release his system in three weeks price will be at $400..
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Last edited by hawaiian c; 6th Jun 2001 at 08:19 PM.
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Old 6th Jun 2001, 08:23 PM   #6
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Bah, I don't have anything against Bill. I've had only minor probs with Windows and all I see people do is complain. When I tried to install Linsux it said it was already installed, the second time it said it was missing a file. LOL, great f<b></b>uckin prog.

I'm really just sick of all the anti-MS people (I'm looking at you HC). Show what you do, now what you don't. When everyone loved MS back in my 3.1 days, I couldn't get anything to work, maybe 1 out of 10 progs, now it's even more the opposite. I get 9.9 out of 10 progs to work. Seems when I hated them everyone loved them and vice versa.
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Old 6th Jun 2001, 08:27 PM   #7
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lol oh i dont care about it hehe i was just thinking what i hear about bill and that what i came up with lol so i write it down lol
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