The Boomslang Saga

[Boom]

The following quotes are from the numerous emails back and forth between me and the Boomslang tech support losers. I am on my 3rd tech guy. He finally admitted that I got a bum mouse (there is something physically wrong with it) and promised me a new one. This was over 5 weeks ago. Now they don't seem to be responding to my emails. I am very frustrated. It starts out on a bad note. My first email starts with "I just got a Boomslang 2000" and their first response asks me which model. DUH, I SAID A BOOMSLANG 2000! Grrrr. Anyway, I did have a little fun with this nonesense. Maybe at least y'all can be entertained and some good can come out of this.

My first email was as follows

I just got a Boomslang 2000 a few days ago. It is very smooth on the verticle, but a little rough, or jumpy on the horizontal. When I move vertically, I feel I can move one pixel at a time, the sensitivity is excellent. When I move horizontal, it seems to jump one centimeter or so at a time. I can not hit a particular spot without trying several times. It's not noticable when I'm moving the cursor around fast, but when I try to move it real slow, it becomes more noticable. I took out the ball and played with those little silver bars. The verticle movement bar seems to spin smoothly. The horizontal bar is harder to turn, it felt a little tight or something. I think there may be a "dead spot" or "sticky spot" at one point on the bar's revolution. If I move the pointer horizonally, really really slowly, sometimes I will hit a "dead spot" and the cursor will stop moving unless I give it a little jerk. I would assume this is just the way it is, but I don't have the problem with the verticle movement. Is this common? Will it loosen up after a few days, or do I have a problem? I sorta got the impression that this mouse would give me perfect pinpoint movement. I tried different sensitivity settings and I just get the same problem on a different scale.

I think I put a lot of time into describing the problem as specifically as possible. Unfortunately, the dork didn't read it. Here is his response:

Hello,
You may want to make sure if you have your X and Y axis is set correctly. A resolution is provided below. Additionally which model of the mouse do you have and what is your Serial number from the bottom of the mouse?
1. Start the Razer Customizer by double-clicking on the Razer icon on the taskbar.
2. On the Sensitivity tab, click the Advanced button at the bottom of the scale.
3. Turn the Master Sensitivity Control on.
4. Click Apply
5. You can now adjust the X and Y axis separately. Note that when using the OFA (On the Fly Adjustment), the difference between the two settings will remain constant).

If you experience further issues, please e-mail us.

Grrrrrrrr. Now I'm already a bit upset. Here is my response:

My serial number is 000010654.
Barry, I have heard numerous negative things about Razer's tech support. Please prove them wrong. You ask me which model of the mouse I have. The very first sentence of my email was, "I just got a Boomslang 2000 a few days ago." You then suggested my problem may be resolved by adjusting the mouse sensitivity. The last sentence of my email was, "I tried different sensitivity settings and I just get the same problem on a different scale."
Barry, you have now given me the impression that you have read neither the first, nor the last sentence of my email. I certainly have little faith that you carefully read the middle. Please read my entire email before responding again.
I believe this is a hardware, not a software, problem. If you read my original email, you would see that I took the mouseball out, and felt that the horizontal motion bar was a bit tighter that the verticle one. I also stated that I believed there was a sticky spot at one point in the horizontal motion bar's rotation. You did not address these concerns in your response.
As I have spent $100 on this mouse, at this point I would appreciate a response to this email from you, and from your supervisor. I greatly appreciate your anticipated cooperation.

"I greatly appreciate your anticipated cooperation" is how us lawyers say "F-ck You"

Here is his response. He blames me for being unclear. How is "I just got a Boomslang 2000 unclear?"

Hello,
The reason for the restatement of the information was that your previous e-mail was unclear at establishing the fact of trying the sensitivity settings individually on different levels. If you believe it is a hardware issue and pruchased the mouse from EB World or from another vendor directly, you must return the mouse to the place of purchase for a exchange or return.

Well, I couldn't let it go at that:

Ok, let me try to clarify the problem.
This is my question as clearly as I can state it. Is it normal for a new mouse (ballmouse, not eyemouse) to be a little tight at first? When I move my Boomslang 2000 vertically, it is smooth as silk. When I move it horizontally it sticks at spots. I played with the independent x and y sensitivity settings. Its not a sortware problem, its definitely hardware. I can feel it sticking when I move the mouse around (even with my eyes closed). I asked a friend to move the mouse around as slowly and smoothly as possible, without telling her the problem, and I could see the pointer on the screen moving smoothly up and down, and jumping a centimeter at a time left and right. I took the ball out and played with the little bars with my finger. The verticle bar definitely moved smoother than the horizontal bar. If this is normal, and it will loosen up after a while, I will relax and just give it some time. If this isn't normal, I need to send it back for a new one. Please let me know if people have had similar issues with "stickyness" and if they resolve themselves over time.
Thank you.

At this point, Barry gave up on me and I was apparently transfered to Dan who responded as follows:

Hello,
Try cleaning the mouse as described below, and let us know if this helps the problem. To clean the mouse, use a bit of alcohol of the type used for cleaning tape deck heads on a qtip. While it is not recommended to lubricate the mouse, a wee bit of baby oil smeared on the tip of your finger then applied to the rollers inside where the mouse ball is located can reduce or eliminate the squeaking noise that may occur from time to time.

Ummm, squeaking noise?? Ok. And now they think the brand new mouse is dirty? Whatever. Anyway I tried to be a little nicer in my next response:

Thanks Dan. It sounds like you guys are understanding my problem now, sorry if I was overly frustrated earlier. Anyway, I took out the ball and played with the rollers some more. They are perfectly clean, I noticed this problems as soon as I got the mouse running, right out of the box (I have had it for less than a week). When I turn the horizontal bar with my finger I can feel a tight spot at one point in the rotation. I'm afraid to try to baby oil thing, because EBworld may not take it back if I do that. I spoke with some other Boomslang owners on the Planetunreal forums (I post as "Boom", so I really had to get this mouse). Anyway none of the other Boomslang users have had this problem. I guess I was just unlucky and got a mouse with a tight spot on the horizontal bar's rotation.

This was a little too much for Dan to deal with apparently, so now I was passed off to Greg, tech guy #3, who sent this email on July 27th:

Hello,
This sounds like there may be a defect in your mouse. What we have decided to do, is to send out a new mouse to you. Usually the Razermouse would be shipped to you in 7-10 days. Unfortunately, the Razermouse mice are on backorder, so the mouse will be shipped to you as soon as possible. In the event that we need the old mouse sent back to us, we will include a mailing label. The label should be used to send the mouse back to us. Enjoy your mouse.

Surprise surprise. A defect in my mouse. Well, I can hardly wait to get my new one. Oh, Hmmm now a month has passed, time for another email from me. And yes, now I am being snotty:

Ummm, I'm trying to be patient, but its been a month and 2 days since you said you are sending me a new mouse. What is the deal? I originally got it from EBworld.com and they had it to me in 2 days. I could have just sent it back to them, but you guys said you were sending me a new one. Now I think its too late to send it back to EBworld. I play online as Boom, so everyday my online friends are asking me if I got my new "meslang". Noone understands why it is taking so long for me to get it. I am very well known on several large gaming forums and gameing chatrooms. I am a member of a pretty well known gaming clan. This may be nerdy, but it is your customer base. People often ask me if the Boomslang is better than the intellieye for gaming. I may have to tell them to get the intelli, because you guys apparently don't have any mice left. Please give me an update on when I will be getting my mouse. I didn't send you guys a broken $100.

a week goes by with no response, so I send this:

I sent the following email to you one week ago today, August 29th. As I have not received a response, I am sending it again. The email was as follows:

Then I repeated the previous email to make sure they got it.

Is it me or do these guys got poopypants? Jeez, I suck enough without a sticky mouse. And after having to go through 3 tech guys, you would think they would try to get my new mouse out pretty quickly. I do not believe that they are out of mice. That is ridiculous. Their website is still trying to sell them.

What do y'all think?

[Rev.Whoopass]

I have had similar mouse problems,but actually very good support.(should not need support for a mouse)I had a 4 button Logitech for almost 2 years and never had a problem with it.
I am on my 3rd razer,and things seem to be fine for now.The little teflon feet on the bottom of the mouse,are almost gone,and when I asked them to send me some replacements the envelope was here in 3 days.But there was NOTHING in the envelope.hahahah GGGRRrrrrrrr.
I just sent them an e-mail back no more than 5 minutes ago.All of my razers squeak a little,but the first 2 (bought from razerzone.com)were very, very jumpy,just as you described.Don't know what the prob;em is with them,but they had better get on the ball quick.

Rev.Whoopass

[Watchdog]

youslang tech support blows. I had the same problem when i sent my piece of crap back.

Interesting.

I think at this point I would start calling the company Boom. It's easy to ignore email, hard to ignore a live person.

[Jing]

So let me get this straight...

There is something "physically wrong" with your boomslang?

=)
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

[OshadowO]

Talk about asses. Boom Y5 is right, call them and hound them. Get the name of the guys you talk to if they try and dodge the issue and ask for a manager. Threaten to report them to that better business bereau thingy too.
Hey wait a minute. You're the vicious lawer here. Why am I giving you advice?? You should be giving me advice
Hope you get your new "you-slang" soon.

[bodkins]

Hi,

I live in the high desert outside of Tucson. We have a great deal of wildlife. I bought a slang from BestBuy. Used it for three days and a field mouse got into the house and actually gnawed the cord in half. I couldnt believe it. I was having the utilities replaced, lots of trenching contractors etc, and on my way to the car with slang in hand I was stopped by the USWest techie. I put the slang in the car, talked with the techie for about 40 minutes and went back to my car. What I found was a melted slang on the front seat. Well not melted, warped. So now I had a warped slang with a severed cord.

I emailed the manufacturer and they said, send it back. Damn. Seems ok to me. I am about to return it. I'll let you know if I have any problems with them. None so far. Just field mice and the Arizona heat.

I do feel your pain Boom. But I have to tell you, if something like this must happen to someone, let it be to a lawyer. There is kharma at work here somehow (j/k).

Sometimes you have to defer to them, even if they don't deserve it. If they believe that you see them as important, they may deign to visit you with a favor. Otherwise, they will probably just become confused and pass it up the food chain. You are not dealing with the designers or owners here Boom. You are just dealing with minimum wage guys that would rather be doing something else.

Thanks, and oh DONT send a certified letter. Send flowers.

Jim
bodkins@prologic.com

[Harm|PuF]

I feel for ya man . It sucks having a sticky slang , but just to echo previous posts, call em.

[Goughmezz]

I pity the fools if they try to screw Mr. Boom over.

[lb4lb]

going to Best Buy (hopefully there is one close by) and buy a brand new mouse. Then take the defective mouse along with all the packaging that came with it and receipt back to Best Buy and tell them it's defective and you want a refund.

I had to replace a door knob from Lowes this way just this week. The lock worked fine for 4 months and then the springs busted, which should not have happened. It's a $40 lock that should not break, in fact I can't ever remeber having a lock break at all. I went to Lowe's bought the same door knob got it home put the defective lock back in the bag with the receipt and told them it was defective they gave me the refund.

All Best Buy will do is return the Boomslang to the manufacturer (what you haven't been able to do they can do for you) Because they are Best Buy and not an individual you can rest assured that they will recive their credit.

[Goughmezz]

The Engineer
Author: Unknown
Submitted by Unknown on 06-27-1998
Suitability: PG
Genre: Shortie, Rating: 2.61

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern
angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly
said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let
in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with
the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building
improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning,
flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a
pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a
sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with
next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an
engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down
there; send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the
staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things
are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or
I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU
going to get a lawyer?"

[~Cobra~]

if it helps any you can get everyone to email razor to get your mouse... i doubt they can overlook 100+ emails

[Boom]

Thanks all!!!

Lots of good ideas here. Right now I am out of town though. When I get back I will give them a call and see if I can get an explanation on the phone. All it comes down to is they promised me they would send me a new one, and almost 6 weeks have gone by. Maybe if I get a person on the phone, I can convince them to fill out the form or click the icon, or do whatever it takes to put that puppy in the mail.

If that doesn't work, I will try some of the more drastic suggestions in this thread.

I'm hoping a certain Goth ]LoL[ female minigun-ho will stumble upon this thread. Razer is a client of the company she works for.

Goughmezz, that is one of my favorite lawyer jokes

[Troll|PuF]

Boom, actually I posted a long solution for you yesterday and the b0rked forums ate it.

The gist of it is: don't bother with tech support anymore. Hit them where it hurts: their image.

You take your slew of emails, you forward them to their VP of marketing, to the head of sales, to every high up muckity muck you can find. You tell them that portions of these emails have already been posted on a VERY well known gaming forum and have been read by hundreds of potential customers. That if you do not receive your replacement mouse, not only are you contacting the better busines bureau, but that you will personally see to it that you cost them thousands of dollars in potential revenue through exposing their tech support's incompetance to a demographic which HAS and WILL spend nice wads of cash to have the best mouse possible. And they have now been witness to your inability to get a simple replacement mouse. You want the mouse by federal express the next business day, or those emails go up on every single gaming forum you can find on the net, and get sent to the consumer rant section of every gaming magazine.

Then sit back and wait for the fedex man to arrive.

[-BHS-Snowdog]

Troll hit the nail on the head there. The tech support folks you're talking to could really give a rat's ass about the company's image, but there are plenty of people in the company that do (or should.) People sometimes underestimate how much a company values it's image, but it really is a big part of their success (or lack of) especially in the hardware/software industry. Simply hearing about your tribulations has assured one potential customer eternally lost by this company, and perhaps more (i.e. anybody who asks me about them...)

[Temporary Account]

Oooooooooooooh...she's so eeeeeeeeeeevilllllllllllllll. I like it

[Goughmezz]

And what's even better: Trolls idea + Boom's ball busting skills = havoc for the company hack. lol

They are gonna bend like hot iron! Mwahahahahah!!!

Maybe we could randomly send the company Bigwig emails. Imagine the look on his face when he encounters , "Dear Sir, I have heard that the Boomslang product that you are selling is really bad. I saw a customer nightmare story on this forum I post on..."

[Boom]

Troll, you da one!!

I'm gonna go to Razer's website. There must be an email address for some sort of marketing guy or something. I will send him an email with a link to this thread. Next day Fedex sounds pretty good to me.

The product itself is cool. Just ask Cobra. He uses one and he is quickly becoming one of the best in the game IMHO. Its just that mine is jumpy when I move horizontally. It feels like I am playing on a cordaroy (sp?) mouse pad.

But to take all that time to send out a replacement, maybe I am just being impatient?

And maybe I'm silly, but I sorta expected them to be nice to me since my name is Boom (no maybe about it, I am silly).

Anyway, I guess I can't do too much until I get back into town, but I will keep y'all updated. Thanks, you guys (and gal) rock!

[The_Inflictor]

Sorry to hear of your problems Boom

Follow Troll's advice play dirty if they continue to patronise.