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Old 30th Jan 2005, 11:25 PM   #1
Mister_Prophet
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Worst Movie of the Year

Whatever you do...nomatter who wants to to go along and see it...do NOT go see Alone in the Dark. Unless of course you can...watch it for free somehow (wink) then yes, go ahead watch it....come back here...and tell me that I'm wrong to say that this movie is utter horseshiit.

I've seen stupid movies before, but it's been awhile since I laughed myself to tears and had to excuse myself because the film was so utterly crappy. Last time this happened to me was Glitter. Don't ask me why I was there, I'll fuking kill you.

This movie fails on so many levels and comes crashing downward in soo many ways....it's like watching someone EMP a heavy WW2 dogfight.

The worst part of the movie is watching Tara Reid act...O..M...F...G. People were shouting "Kill the b!tch" whenever she tried saying the chemical composition of some artifact in that raspey I-Dunno-wtf-I'm-doing-LOLIlikebeersandsexanddrugsLOL voice. She is supposed to be a scientist. This is worse than when Denise Richards was supposed to be a Nuclear engineer in The World Is Not Enough.

And the Dialogue.....wow.

The special effects.....wow.

The attempted dramatic suspense........wow.

The "horror" that makes Jason X look like The Silence of the Lambs.....wow.

The pointless sex scene that is funnier to watch than puppet sex in Team America.....wow.

Even though I see them for free at work, Since I sat through the whole thing so I could tell you guys all about it...I think it is only fair that you each pay me 10 bucks for stopping you from seeing it. I only take cash, no checks.

Last edited by Mister_Prophet; 30th Jan 2005 at 11:27 PM.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 12:49 AM   #2
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LOLOLOLOLOL
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 05:22 AM   #3
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the worst movie that I have seen in 2004 was definitely Torque...
I knew the movie was going to suck in advanced but boj did this movie suck...
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 06:16 AM   #4
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Mr. Prophet, do you offer a subscription service?
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 12:58 PM   #5
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I knew it looked like ****e when I saw the previews...
I said dear god NO! Tera Reid.
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hey noob, I think I know what NC likes(at least a few and I'm just waiting for certain people to see this). At least you've been watching enough internet porn to be familiar with the ancient art of japan glazing virgin faces with their finest creams. Gives you a plus behind your name


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Old 31st Jan 2005, 12:59 PM   #6
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Also I have to say White noise has to be in the running for worst movie of the year.
Absoulute utter crap... Ive decided to ban all Micheal Keaton movies from the day I saw that movie forth.
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hey noob, I think I know what NC likes(at least a few and I'm just waiting for certain people to see this). At least you've been watching enough internet porn to be familiar with the ancient art of japan glazing virgin faces with their finest creams. Gives you a plus behind your name


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Old 31st Jan 2005, 02:44 PM   #7
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I was hoping for a better show, considering how an otherwise good name like Keaton was the lead, but time and time again, that movie had inconsistencies and holes that ranged the gamut from relatively minor, like how Keaton and his ex wife got along so very well, to gross idiocy on the part of some characters, like how, when warned that EVP was very dangerous, by a medium no less, who had even done for him more quickly and reliably than his own enterprises, Keaton not only quickly left, but didn't even bother to ask any questions as to what was going on and how he could safeguard himself despite taking the risks.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 02:49 PM   #8
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The problem with White Noise, and this was the problem with The Village too, was that it was advertised as a horror thriller and clearly was not. Only unlike Village, White noise was as interesting was watching a slug engage hand to hand combat with a wet noodle.

But still, as bad as Torque and White Noise were, they are leagues ahead of Alone in the Dark. This movie is so bad it is insulting.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 03:27 PM   #9
AMmayhem
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You should start a weekly "Prophet's Movie Guide" or some thread like that. Letting us know what you think of the new releases.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 03:30 PM   #10
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That'd be handy.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 03:35 PM   #11
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Like a prophet.
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Old 31st Jan 2005, 03:37 PM   #12
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Not a bad idea.
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