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Old 31st Mar 2004, 12:13 AM   #1
DigitalPixie
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On a stack of bibles, I swear this gave me a pounding headache only half-way through.

Try, just try to figure this out.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 01:01 AM   #2
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That is so weird.

A guy from work gave me the box for a mini r/c car the other day. He thought the translation of the instructions was funny. It was those instructions. THE SAME INSTRUCTIONS ...

It gave me a brain wrong too!
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 07:19 AM   #3
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What!?!?!? Dont you recognize the insatllation instructions for installing UT2K4 on Linux?
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 08:05 AM   #4
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At least now we know what they're talking about...still makes no sense whatsoever
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 08:27 AM   #5
Raden
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Well here's my shot at translating them to real english. Seems like they're talking about one of those large toy cars kids ride in, like the Power Wheels stuff.

-Inside contains small parts, do not put them in your mouth as they possess a choking hazard.
-To prevent injury, do not allow children 3 years of age and under to operate and do not operate while swimming. (You know, electrical componenents and all.)
-Don't use it on a road.... even I can't get what swimming has to do with a road.
-Do not wrap the antenna around your neck (yes they have to write this... just like they write "Caution: May be hot after heating")
-May have sharp edges, check on child frequently. (in other words, don't be a sh*tty parent. This seems to be a line stating that you need to check on your kid and they aren't responsible if the little idiot cuts themself on it.)
-If used in any other way, batteries may leak or explode. If this happens:
-Vehicle may short circuit and cause large electric current. Do not attempt to use if this occurs. Use it after the charge has drained.
-If contact with water occurs, do not use.
-Please do not dispose of in water or fire. the decomposition something something.
-Do not place in the vicinity of fire or heat and then attempt to use.
-When charging batteries, use only the correct charger.
-If used in any other way, batteries in the remote control may leak or explode.
-Do not attempt to charge the batteries in the remote control.
-Do not use old and new batteries together, and use only all of the same brand.
-um.....
-swim to take out the battery...... well thats what it looks like, I've done a better translating job than anyone else so far
-If battery acid comes in contact with the eyes, skin or clothes, flush with cold clean water.
-Do not close hair, clothes or fingers inside the vehicle (I'm assuming don't get them caught in the door) to prevent them from being tangled into the vehicle.

So there's only a couple lines I can't make out, like the swimming in the road or swimming to take out the battery but that's about 98% of it.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 08:39 AM   #6
Fluid
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The other 2 are:

- Do not use on the road, it's dangerous
- Swimming to take out the battery? Probably refers to not to try to get an electrical device out of the water.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 09:23 AM   #7
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Professor Beeb is here for your translating needs!

Small pieces inside, please do not eat the pieces. If you eat pieces, you deserve to die.

Keep your three year old bastard child away from this, lest he or she dies.

What? You think you can swim in asphalt? Go for it. And please film the hilarious results!

Feeling angsty? Hang yourself with this and you'll be taken to a land of autoerotic asphyxiation wonder!

The antenna is not a weapon. Dont beat previously mentioned bastard child with it.

Sharp places may be visited on the hour, every hour.

Do not anger the battery, lest it consumes your very soul.
--Angry Battery of Ryleh symptoms: Leaking, electronic storms conjured from battery compartment, thermonuclear explosion if combined with water, pyromania in the neighborhood, flesh decomposition, invoking the gods of recharging.

Remote control battery may attempt to usurp Angry Battery of Ryleh. Stand well back and avoid the following battery jihad.

Dont use geriatric batteries.

The battery is a dirty slut, and likes it in the back anode! STICK IT IN THERE BABY!

Do not swim with Battery of Sodomy, lest you catch some sort of whacky disease.

If you catch disease, there is no cure. Reattempt swimming in asphalt to end your miserable life, faithful consumer.

Dont stick yourself in the vehicle quilt, it might assimilate you.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 09:59 AM   #8
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instructions by fatman?
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 09:59 AM   #9
GeneticFreak
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beerbaron
--Angry Battery of Ryleh symptoms: Leaking, electronic storms conjured from battery compartment, thermonuclear explosion if combined with water, pyromania in the neighborhood, flesh decomposition, invoking the gods of recharging.

Remote control battery may attempt to usurp Angry Battery of Ryleh. Stand well back and avoid the following battery jihad.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 10:01 AM   #10
Fluid
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In all honesty though, except for English my foreign grammar sucks just as hard.
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The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not mov’d with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are as dull as night,
And his affections dark as Erebus:
Let no such man be trusted.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 10:24 AM   #11
das_ben
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That was pretty entertaining.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 11:53 AM   #12
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swim to play, best thing i ever read..
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 12:04 PM   #13
hyrulian
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I think "quilt involvement" (see the last sentence) was the best part.
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 12:11 PM   #14
captainrad
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hahaha
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 12:12 PM   #15
Syri
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beerbaron
Professor Beeb is here for your translating needs!

Small pieces inside, please do not eat the pieces. If you eat pieces, you deserve to die.

Keep your three year old bastard child away from this, lest he or she dies.

What? You think you can swim in asphalt? Go for it. And please film the hilarious results!

Feeling angsty? Hang yourself with this and you'll be taken to a land of autoerotic asphyxiation wonder!

The antenna is not a weapon. Dont beat previously mentioned bastard child with it.

Sharp places may be visited on the hour, every hour.

Do not anger the battery, lest it consumes your very soul.
--Angry Battery of Ryleh symptoms: Leaking, electronic storms conjured from battery compartment, thermonuclear explosion if combined with water, pyromania in the neighborhood, flesh decomposition, invoking the gods of recharging.

Remote control battery may attempt to usurp Angry Battery of Ryleh. Stand well back and avoid the following battery jihad.

Dont use geriatric batteries.

The battery is a dirty slut, and likes it in the back anode! STICK IT IN THERE BABY!

Do not swim with Battery of Sodomy, lest you catch some sort of whacky disease.

If you catch disease, there is no cure. Reattempt swimming in asphalt to end your miserable life, faithful consumer.

Dont stick yourself in the vehicle quilt, it might assimilate you.
beautiful, it really is... all toy manufacturers should get beer to write their instructions
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Old 31st Mar 2004, 12:18 PM   #16
stoned_jedi
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that will probobally be a direct translation from the Chinese manufacturers.
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