[Old (Funnay) News]Catholic Church On Masturbating

Synastren · 26th Oct 2003, 11:19 AM

Vatican City - Masturbation is like owning a Ferrari and driving only in first gear, a senior Catholic theologian said in an article published Wednesday.

"Driving only in first gear, not only do you prevent the Ferrari expressing its full power, but gradually you wear it out and thereby ruin a masterpiece of technology," Father Giordano Muraro wrote in the magazine Vita Pastorale.

Muraro was responding to a reader who asked whether it was sinful to masturbate in the absence of one's spouse in order to reduce sexual tension.

According to Muraro, while masturbation - the sin of onanism in the bible - is "objectively a serious act, circumstances must be taken into account".

He said it was up to the person involved to "judge the gravity of his deed, in the context of the couple's path to God". - Sapa-AFP

Source

Saw that on MacHall Comics earlier.

Atropos Megarea · 26th Oct 2003, 11:35 AM

O_o

das_ben · 26th Oct 2003, 11:44 AM

Now that's an interesting analogy.

Synastren · 26th Oct 2003, 11:48 AM

Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission.

Vers Vlees · 26th Oct 2003, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synastren

Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission.

lol

KJAX · 26th Oct 2003, 12:02 PM

Cap'n Beeb · 26th Oct 2003, 12:24 PM

Oddly enough, I've come to suspect the majority of ferrari owners are compensating for something. Perhaps someone should jackoff in this tard's eye as an example of sufficent power of one's wang.

Atropos Megarea · 26th Oct 2003, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synastren
Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission.

~raises an eye brow and shakes her head slowly~ men

TossMonkey · 26th Oct 2003, 12:50 PM

ahahaa... thats the best analogy ever. He's encouraging sex over masturbation which is always a good thing.

Atropos Megarea · 26th Oct 2003, 12:53 PM

sex = good
sex = teh win!

edhe · 26th Oct 2003, 04:19 PM

**waits for tropi to say anything of worth.

The bible says something about casting your seed upon the earth as a sin. God knows why, rest of us don't. Catholic religion also thinks that any act of sex should be contributary to procreation. So, of course, he'd be saying that sex is far better than masterbation, and that wanking off is, basically, a sin... just he said it cooler

Sam_The_Man · 26th Oct 2003, 05:15 PM

I fail to see how a million wasted sperm is so much worse than nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine wasted sperm if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the circumstances)

But yeah, Catholic Cardinals would know all about Ferraris, of course (not sarcasm).

Swarthy_Foreskin · 26th Oct 2003, 05:44 PM

Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?

FireSlash · 26th Oct 2003, 08:50 PM

On the other hand, throwing your Ferrari into 5th gear gives you a nice speeding ticket

PhrozeN · 26th Oct 2003, 09:10 PM

Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?

Papapishu · 27th Oct 2003, 06:58 AM

As usual, they have got it backwards.
The deal was; the israelits had a social security system that said that if a woman was widowed, her late husbands brother (or closest living male relative) should marry herm because otherwise she might not be able to handle economicaly.
Both parts happy, the brother gets a(nother) wife, the widow gets economic security.
The sin in that case was that Onan, being the brother in question, when ordered to perform his duty to impregnate his late brothers wife, pulled out prematurely, "spilling it on the earth", thus sinning against the law.

The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery".
And the bible is still unclear wether masturbation is concidered adultery, which it can't if you're married, can it?

D66 · 27th Oct 2003, 08:13 AM

So to elaborate,
(and yes I am Catholic)
Even in a Catholic Bible,
The sin of Onan was that of Oathbreaking. Not sexual misconduct.
Heh, I argued this subject just yesterday with a by-the-book Catholic.

Nickelass · 27th Oct 2003, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhrozeN

Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?

i was thinking that too.

AriTheDog · 27th Oct 2003, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swarthy_Foreskin

Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?

I came.

Sam_The_Man · 27th Oct 2003, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papapishu

The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery".

So you can commit adultery if you lie still and let her go on top?

26th Oct 2003, 11:19 AM	#1
Synastren Explodious! Join Date: Jun. 22nd, 2001 Location: KU Posts: 2,416	[Old (Funnay) News]Catholic Church On Masturbating Vatican City - Masturbation is like owning a Ferrari and driving only in first gear, a senior Catholic theologian said in an article published Wednesday. "Driving only in first gear, not only do you prevent the Ferrari expressing its full power, but gradually you wear it out and thereby ruin a masterpiece of technology," Father Giordano Muraro wrote in the magazine Vita Pastorale. Muraro was responding to a reader who asked whether it was sinful to masturbate in the absence of one's spouse in order to reduce sexual tension. According to Muraro, while masturbation - the sin of onanism in the bible - is "objectively a serious act, circumstances must be taken into account". He said it was up to the person involved to "judge the gravity of his deed, in the context of the couple's path to God". - Sapa-AFP Source Saw that on MacHall Comics earlier. __________________

26th Oct 2003, 11:44 AM	#3
das_ben Concerned. Join Date: Feb. 11th, 2000 Location: Teutonia Posts: 5,873	Now that's an interesting analogy. __________________ - Ben. [Flickr] \| [Blog] \| [Tumblr]

26th Oct 2003, 11:48 AM	#4
Synastren Explodious! Join Date: Jun. 22nd, 2001 Location: KU Posts: 2,416	Indeed it is. And I think my Ferrari needs a new transmission. __________________

26th Oct 2003, 12:02 PM	#6
KJAX Gamer 4 Life Join Date: Apr. 9th, 2002 Location: Some strange place called the USA Posts: 1,257	__________________ "What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." -- Charles Bukowski The Blog: Intellectual Intercourse The Video Game Collection...so far The Wish List Now Playing: Final Fantasy XIII-2 (PS3) \| Mass Effect 3 (PC) \| Final Fantasy XI (PC)

26th Oct 2003, 12:24 PM	#7
Cap'n Beeb Banned Join Date: Nov. 27th, 1999 Location: A mountain compound Posts: 8,107	Oddly enough, I've come to suspect the majority of ferrari owners are compensating for something. Perhaps someone should jackoff in this tard's eye as an example of sufficent power of one's wang. __________________ Cap'n Beeb & Fizzil <3 for life. Anaemic is a super stud.

26th Oct 2003, 11:35 AM	#2
Atropos Megarea Happy Kitty Join Date: Dec. 21st, 2002 Location: North Dakota Posts: 372	O_o

26th Oct 2003, 12:50 PM	#9
TossMonkey brown bread? Join Date: Sep. 4th, 2001 Location: Great Britain. Posts: 6,098	ahahaa... thats the best analogy ever. He's encouraging sex over masturbation which is always a good thing. __________________ All those moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time to die. PSN: Fifth-Elephant Quakelive: FifthElephant no good reason

26th Oct 2003, 12:53 PM	#10
Atropos Megarea Happy Kitty Join Date: Dec. 21st, 2002 Location: North Dakota Posts: 372	sex = good sex = teh win!

26th Oct 2003, 04:19 PM	#11
edhe ..dadhe.. Join Date: Jun. 12th, 2000 Location: Scotland Posts: 3,282	**waits for tropi to say anything of worth. The bible says something about casting your seed upon the earth as a sin. God knows why, rest of us don't. Catholic religion also thinks that any act of sex should be contributary to procreation. So, of course, he'd be saying that sex is far better than masterbation, and that wanking off is, basically, a sin... just he said it cooler __________________ Get your own Gamercard Sig.

26th Oct 2003, 05:15 PM	#12
Sam_The_Man I am the Hugh Grant of Thatcherism Join Date: Mar. 26th, 2000 Location: England Posts: 5,793	I fail to see how a million wasted sperm is so much worse than nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine wasted sperm if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the circumstances) But yeah, Catholic Cardinals would know all about Ferraris, of course (not sarcasm). __________________ The personal, as everyone's so fcking fond of saying, is political. So if some power player tries to harm you, TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Get angry. Time and again they cream your liquidation, your displacement, your torture and brutal execution with the ultimate insult that it's just business, it's politics, it's the way of the world, it's a tough life and that IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL. Well, fck them. Make it personal." -Quellcrist Falconer, Things I Should Have Learnt By Now, Vol. II

26th Oct 2003, 05:44 PM	#13
Swarthy_Foreskin Retarderator Join Date: Aug. 16th, 2000 Location: Washington State Posts: 1,507	Did this thread make anyone else horny as hell?

26th Oct 2003, 08:50 PM	#14
FireSlash Whats a FireSlash? Join Date: Feb. 3rd, 2001 Location: Central Ohio Posts: 4,300	On the other hand, throwing your Ferrari into 5th gear gives you a nice speeding ticket __________________ Theory is when you know everything and nothing works. Practice is when things work, and no one knows why. Here we combine theory and practice. Nothing works and no one knows why.

26th Oct 2003, 09:10 PM	#15
PhrozeN And Apple a day keeps the doctor away Join Date: Sep. 16th, 2001 Location: Winnipeg MB Posts: 799	Anybody watch the movie Supertroopers? Remember that part with the speedgun?

27th Oct 2003, 06:58 AM	#16
Papapishu 我是康 Join Date: Jun. 18th, 2001 Location: void Posts: 2,043	As usual, they have got it backwards. The deal was; the israelits had a social security system that said that if a woman was widowed, her late husbands brother (or closest living male relative) should marry herm because otherwise she might not be able to handle economicaly. Both parts happy, the brother gets a(nother) wife, the widow gets economic security. The sin in that case was that Onan, being the brother in question, when ordered to perform his duty to impregnate his late brothers wife, pulled out prematurely, "spilling it on the earth", thus sinning against the law. The only other thing I can think of would be to "let your limbs be dead towards adultery". And the bible is still unclear wether masturbation is concidered adultery, which it can't if you're married, can it?

27th Oct 2003, 08:13 AM	#17
D66 Grey Pilgrim Join Date: Feb. 2nd, 2000 Location: Gondolin Posts: 3,003	So to elaborate, (and yes I am Catholic) Even in a Catholic Bible, The sin of Onan was that of Oathbreaking. Not sexual misconduct. Heh, I argued this subject just yesterday with a by-the-book Catholic. __________________ Human Beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, Filling out useless forms and listening to 8 different bosses drone on about "Mission Statements" --Office Space

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