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Old 17th Jan 2002, 01:44 PM   #1
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Talking Little Johnny in the first grade...

A first grade teacher was having trouble with little Johnny, who was one of her first grade students. He was constantly misbehaving during class. Finally, she held him after class one day.

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."

The teacher, unconvinced this was the right action, said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Johnny both agreed.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of, that I have only two of"?
Johnny: "Legs."

Teacher: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have?"
(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Johnny: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do, that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could say anything, Johnny was taking charge.
Johnny: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky"?
Johnny: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs"? The principal's eyes again open wide, and before he could stop the answer...
Johnny: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay"?
Johnny: "Okay."

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down, to get me up. I get wet before you do".
Johnny: "A tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first". (Principal is looking restless and bit tense).
Johnny: "A wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good".
Johnny: "Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver".
Johnny: "Arrow."

Teacher: "Last question. What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and means a lot of excitement"?
Johnny: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief, wiped the sweat from his forehead, and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade---I got the last ten questions wrong myself!

Piss off a liberal - work hard, be happy, and own guns.
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 01:54 PM   #2
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HAHA they're great

Antichrist In The Name Of God

"A war is when two armies are fighting - so you see right there, it wasn't really a war..."

- Bill Hicks, on the 'Gulf War' -
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 01:55 PM   #3
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It sure is long, but worth it
United we stand, divided we run free at last !

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Old 17th Jan 2002, 01:58 PM   #4
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 02:06 PM   #5
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Good ol' Johny

<Underscore> Your grasp of world politics impresses me, snipe - someday I aspire to be as acutely aware of ongoing events as you
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 02:06 PM   #6
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/me whips another tear...

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Old 17th Jan 2002, 02:08 PM   #7
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questions only a innocent mind could answer

you ask that kid 6 years latter and see what comes out of his mouth!
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 03:05 PM   #8
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h3 Si TeH 5MaRt K1D !!!!!
Close the mouth more
and the eyes less.
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Old 17th Jan 2002, 03:13 PM   #9
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Johnny is one clever boy.

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Old 18th Jan 2002, 05:34 AM   #10
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yeah, i got those answers wrong too!
My AVS's on
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Old 18th Jan 2002, 06:19 AM   #11
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I thought the teacher would say 'There, he doesn't know nearly as much for third grade yet' at the end and set him back to first
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Old 18th Jan 2002, 06:47 AM   #12
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You wanna be a big cop in a small town? **** off down the model village!

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Old 18th Jan 2002, 07:04 AM   #13
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LMAO! instant classic!

brutal. random. dangerous. | carpe imperium

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