Getting Married

I’m getting married. She’s a wonderful girl with all the right private parts, I think. She’s in the shop right now being checked out for that sort of thing. That’s right, QUALTHWAR is careful about that type of stuff.

Oh, Man, let me tell you…

Okay, so like this one time, I was in this bar and this girl started coming onto me. Well, I find out later that she’s not a girl. Ever since then, I’ve had my people check them out.

Man, was my face ever red.

Wait…what???

Thanks, man. Damn ring is being custom made. Like $17,000 USD. But as they say: Happy wife, happy life.

By the way, who the hell are "They" anyway?

This prison that I keep hearing about; will there be conjugal visits?

well, depends on your point of view. within a lifetime with her, that isn't all that much. people spend way more than that.

Aww, thanks, man.

We had a tragedy. Her son died. He was riding his motorcycle too fast around a curve on an on-ramp and lost control. He just turned 26. They didn’t find him for a couple hours because he flew over the guardrail at night and landed on the shoulder of the roadway down below.

We had a couple of very rough weeks. The highway patrol knocked on our door at 5 in the morning to tell us the news. As time passed, we discovered how many people liked him and how many lives he touched.

Thanks, guys. It’s been difficult. More so for my girl, obviously, but I lost a friend and that hurts. Funny story: Two guys walk into a bar. Wait, that’s another story.

I guess I should mention the whistling. This is kinda weird. My girl.. ok, I can’t keep referring to her as ‘My girl’ so let’s call her ‘Steve’ from now on. Steve grew up in the house we live in and two people have passed on in this house: her dad and grandpappy. Let’s call him ‘Not Steve.’

A couple months ago, we were sitting on the couch and we both heard a whistle clear as a bell. It was right next to us. It was like a double tweet tweet like when you call a dog. Steve thought that I had whistled and I thought that she had whistled. It was weird.

Since then, we have heard the whistling again. It’s very clear, distinct, and sporadic. I heard it the other morning while getting ready for work. Steve didn’t because she was in the other room. I’d say within the last few months that we have heard this strange whistle maybe a half dozen times.

This started before her son passed, by the way. Moreover, the whistles change. We/Steve heard a 4-note whistle where the notes modulated up and down. The last time I heard one, the other day; it was a 5-note whistle that modulated up and down.

These are not coming from the outside, as if someone is calling their dog or whatever. It sounds like someone is whistling right next to us. Very clear and distinct. I’ve stopped wearing a thong and haven’t heard anything since, but it’s too soon to tell. If the thong thing doesn’t work, I’m out of ideas.