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Zur

surrealistic mad cow
Jul 8, 2002
11,708
8
38
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Most of you know have come to know me as someone erratic in character. Well, I'm going to come up front.

My life pretty much sucks. I'm near 40 and nowhere. Since my father got accused of belonging to some kiddy porn online group in 98 and having an accident working as a student life has been a tad unpleasant. I've been unemployed for twelve out of the last fourteen years. I hate the guts of recruitors (I fancy throwing a bottle of piss at one), I despise this country and I'm worried that my back/hernia could become a handicap. Yet, I can't budge and existence has become aimless. The most recent thing to happen was going to the psychiatric hospital. For the past year I've basically spent time on social security oscillating between the bed and the computer silently cursing the world around me.

To outsiders I'm continually bringing this on myself but that's not true. I'm too scaredy cat to top myself, not that depressed to be honest, so I guess the way is forward. But I am scared for the future. Scared of having to wait and wait because of others, of getting old and passing it all by.

So, where would you start to fix this almighty mess ?

:violin:

P.S: Wish there was a "fix it all" coach you could phone up. Someone like Fonzy.
 
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Zur

surrealistic mad cow
Jul 8, 2002
11,708
8
38
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Yeesh. I'm re-reading this and realizing I'm still 25 in my head.
 

JohnDoe641

Killer Fools Pro
Staff member
Nov 8, 2000
5,330
51
48
41
N.J.
www.zombo.com
I'm in sorta in the same boat.

I've been out of work since 2012 due to the stupid panic attacks/heart issues ruining my self confidence and my sleep habits. I'm always worried that I'll get an attack or that people will say stuff behind my back. I'm pretty sure it's all in my head but so far I've been stuck in this same stupid negative feedback loop and my life has completely come to a stop.

I'm racking up debt, my d300 fell yesterday so I need to send it in for repairs... I'll be without the one thing that I was trying to make money with and who knows how much of the money I don't have to spend it will cost to repair and my video card just died and I need to RMA that stupid thing.

I'm probably not helping you, but you might have helped me by letting me rant a bit. I do feel a bit less stressed after typing this all out.
 

toniglandyl

internal data fragmentation : 62203480%
Jan 20, 2006
2,878
0
36
diceedge.blogspot.com
Seems like you've got a nasty depression. :(

Also, if your days are simply bed-computer, try doing something with your days. Go walk a couple of hours outside every day, maybe find a hobby to invest yourself into.

Best of luck,
 

Zur

surrealistic mad cow
Jul 8, 2002
11,708
8
38
48
I'm probably not helping you, but you might have helped me by letting me rant a bit. I do feel a bit less stressed after typing this all out.

Happy to help :D:tup:

And thanks for the suggestion Toniglandyl.
 
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toniglandyl

internal data fragmentation : 62203480%
Jan 20, 2006
2,878
0
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diceedge.blogspot.com
Happy to help :D:tup:

And thanks for the suggestion Toniglandyl.

If you have a android or iphone, get ingress (I can send you an invite if you want. I'll just need an e-mail). It's an outdoors game throughout the world which is quite nice if you find some people to level you up.
It's basically geo-caching, but with a whole game aspect to it.

I remember getting depressed after a couple of months of being jobless. I still feel down whenever I have a day off and I've done nothing that day. :/
 

Carbon

Altiloquent bloviator.
Mar 23, 2013
557
10
18
So sorry to hear of your troubles. If you want a story of true courage in the face of some pretty stacked odds, see gopostal's battle over at ut99....there is a guy to model yourselves after.

Now, I might ask a question, and feel free not to reply if it is too personal. What level of education did you achieve? I am only asking because you said you hate the place you are in - the UK, I presume - and if you have a Bachelor's degree, there are a great number of opportunities around the world. PM me for more on this topic if you like.

Aside from that, it is unfortunately up to you to get through this. I know you don't want to hear that and to hear that there is no magic fix-it for life, but do some reading. Go to the library and get some books about people who have faced worse odds than you (you are still one of the luckiest people in the world, you know) and read them. Absorb them. Make a serious plan to get out of your situation and stick to it. No pie-in-the-sky stuff, but a do-able plan, a realistic set of step-by-step goals that you can do. Think of it like leveling up. :)

Do not download any Android games! More of your precious life will drift by and you will only look up to find your situation unchanged....worse, in fact. That is absolutely ridiculous advice from toniglandyl. The last thing you need - despite how you feel - is more delusion.

Anything else I say will sound like a cliche, so I had best close. Again, get busy learning about how others overcame desperation. You are not the first you know, so don't go down the self-pity road; that will lead nowhere. Go the library and start planning your recovery.

Get busy and good luck. You have people here who care, for what it's worth. Tough friends though, so get on it! ;)
 
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gopostal

Active Member
Jan 19, 2006
848
47
28
I was an absolute terror. I used being a UT coder as a reason to fuck with people because I was just...bored and it was just so easy to do. I read some of my past things and I'm deeply ashamed.

My dad was a mailman so it's all I ever knew growing up. When I was a couple of years into my career my dad got busted for stealing (a felony conviction) and was fired. I worked in the same office so you can imagine the stress level. To make a long story short it was one of the reasons we moved across the country. Sometimes you have to make a change to find the place you feel safe.

A bit ago I battled stage 4 cancer that hit from out of the blue. To say it took my life away from me is a massive understatement. Now I'm left with parts and pieces of my previous normal.

I dealt with this the same way. I gave my gaming computer to my son, closed my DayZ servers (that were popular too dammit) and devoted myself back to the things that I neglected for years. I make dinner every day for my family, I work out every single day (running my first 10K next month), and I recognize when I'm being an asshole. Am I perfect? Oh hell no, but I try to be better when I see I'm not so good.

This sounds harsh but life don't give a shit about self pity so don't waste your time. Make the changes you need to make and endure the costs with a smile because you are going forward. We rolled the dice HUGE by moving to a state we had never seen but it's been a great move and honestly saved me. You are responsible for your own peace so start fixing it. Once you do it will hugely improve your outlook.

And yeah, to those I beat up on the forums: I'm deeply, incredibly sorry. You have no idea the punishments I endure daily so karma repaid my idiocy.

Zur, we've spoken via PM a couple of times. If you ever need to talk just message me and I'll send you my number.
 

toniglandyl

internal data fragmentation : 62203480%
Jan 20, 2006
2,878
0
36
diceedge.blogspot.com
Do not download any Android games! More of your precious life will drift by and you will only look up to find your situation unchanged....worse, in fact. That is absolutely ridiculous advice from toniglandyl. The last thing you need - despite how you feel - is more delusion.

Fair enough. But the game I'm suggesting is a geo-caching game, so it's mostly a motivation to go outside, maybe meet up with others and all. I see it as a way to break the rut he's stuck in. Obviously, It's better if it's just a stepping stone rather than a new addiction.

sorry for the confusion
 

Carbon

Altiloquent bloviator.
Mar 23, 2013
557
10
18
Fair enough. But the game I'm suggesting is a geo-caching game, so it's mostly a motivation to go outside, maybe meet up with others and all. I see it as a way to break the rut he's stuck in. Obviously, It's better if it's just a stepping stone rather than a new addiction.

sorry for the confusion

I mistook your intentions then. I guess I am too far out of that loop. :)

Still, the game at hand - real life - will have one meet many people.
 

gopostal

Active Member
Jan 19, 2006
848
47
28
Even with the confusion Carbon I think your advice is appropriate. If someone is unhappy with what they are then they need to enact true change. If Zur is dissatisfied with his life and he spends a lot of time on the computer then it's time to unplug, taking care not to replace that with phone games stuff.

I will say though that there is a robust community for geocaching-type recreation and it could be a lot of fun for someone searching for alternatives. As a rule we don't have NEAR enough human-to-human interaction so increasing this by joining a club or game would be a great step.
 

Rambowjo

Das Protoss
Aug 3, 2005
5,073
5
38
32
Tapeland
You've gone through a lot of bad stuff man. I'm sorry if you ever felt like I gave you a lot of shit. You live in Belgium right?
 

Jacks:Revenge

╠╣E╚╚O
Jun 18, 2006
10,065
218
63
somewhere; sometime?
pretty sure we've all given Azura plenty of shit at one time or another.
it's the nature of the business as I'm sure he understands, otherwise he wouldn't come back.

it's nothing personal.
 

Balton

The Beast of Worship
Mar 6, 2001
13,428
118
63
39
Berlin
get out of Belgium or at least start making your own decisions. For ~10 years you're stuck doing that decision and since it seems you're not ok with staying G T F O!
 

Zur

surrealistic mad cow
Jul 8, 2002
11,708
8
38
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get out of Belgium or at least start making your own decisions. For ~10 years you're stuck doing that decision and since it seems you're not ok with staying G T F O!

But what would be the first step though ? I have a car but don't have a driving licence. I have family in the UK but not sure if they can have me.
 

toniglandyl

internal data fragmentation : 62203480%
Jan 20, 2006
2,878
0
36
diceedge.blogspot.com
But what would be the first step though ? I have a car but don't have a driving licence. I have family in the UK but not sure if they can have me.

Maybe trying to find a job could be nice. In France, I know the public transports does recruit people "just" to get them used to getting up to work and all, but the idea is to make it easier to transition from being jobless to real work.
If you can go to your UK family and look for a job from there, it could be as close as a fresh start as it gets.
 

ambershee

Nimbusfish Rawks
Apr 18, 2006
4,519
7
38
36
Nomad
sheelabs.gamemod.net
I'm not sure I'd want to move to the UK. The cost of living versus minimum wage is pretty freaking nasty here compared to Europe, and as a result the quality of life is pretty low. Then there's the big rise in nationalism and anti-immigrant sentiment that you can probably do without.

I'm British and I feel pretty uncomfortable here right now.